Crying

I've had this confusing problem for the past year maybe. Never had it come up before, but it's driving me crazy. It's even new in the relationship I'm in, which frustrates me even more. I've developed this problem with crying during/after sex. I've never done it in any other relationship, and my current boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, but it's only started in the past year or so.

It began with panic attacks, which were likely not related to sex, I think. I know I was having panic attacks from other stimuli at the time, but they started occurring during sex. It's progressed to the point of no longer having full-blown panic attacks, but I still find myself crying often either during or after having sex with my boyfriend. I can't connect it to anything. My current boyfriend has been nothing but good to me since we met, and despite having a poor start to my sexuality, I'd been in several relationships before my current one and never had this occur before. It frustrates me, because I don't know where the crying comes from, and it disrupts our time together, which isn't very frequent anyway because of my depression. I just wish this wouldn't happen anymore.

So what do you think you're crying about? What is the trigger? What are you thinking about while your crying?
Is it a cry of pent up emotions & just a feeling of a release for you? Like it feels good afterwards?
Or does crying make you feel worse?
There's also a lot of hormones that r released during sex. Maybe it's the combination of them I don't know.
But I'd be looking for some type of trigger if this hasn't happened in other relationships.
Best of luck!

Hormones....chemicals....sorry I don't have the scientific background to explain. Just familiar with it.

It's hard to say. Sometimes it's during the activities, I just feel this ball of something fill my chest, and the tears start. Sometimes it's after, and I just start sobbing along with trying to catch my breath. T has suggested that it's just horomones and the overall release of sex, that my body just has to cry to let everything else out too.

When I cry I don't notice many thoughts, other than feeling bad that I'm doing it again. I especially get down on myself about crying during things, because it's an instant end to what we were doing.

Is there any way that you could turn this crying into something beautiful?
If you're not crying about a certain trigger or old abuse or anything bad, then maybe this is your body's natural release to a state of "happiness" or satiation.
That could be relaxing if you let your body go & just release the energy.
Crying is a form of energy & can be very cathartic. Cleansing. Can you view it like this? As something special & good & even normal!

Wow if I cried after sex my hubby would be dancing lol! JK
I hope you can use this energy as something good & not view it as something that will pull you down.

I would like that, but it's so random that it's been hard to do. My bf reacts faster than I do over it, and is so quick to stop out of worry for me, I think.

Maybe you need to talk to ur BF about how you'd like him to react.
IMO men like to fix things & he maybe feels upset & wants to help...that ur crying Bec of something bad. So he wants you to stop & soothe you.

Maybe if you tell him to not act so quickly & maybe just comfort & hold you while you go thru it & that it's ok for it to happen, maybe he'll see it as something positive too.

That's a good idea, we will have to try it.

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I have that same issue. I have talked to my T about this. She has two suggestions. For me, half the time it is trigger related. But sometimes it is not. When it is not related to triggers it is tears of overloaded emotions. Positive ones. Joy, relief, release, connection, and contentment. She said she sometimes cry's after sex to. And that it is ok. I as glad to know she is a professional and does that to.

Her suggestion to me was to let my Husband know in advance what that crying means. (the kind that is not related to a trigger) He needs to know it is not something he has done, or sadness over the events taking place. We have also talked about what I need for him to do in the event that happens, which happens to be the same for when it is induced by a trigger or when it is positive. For me personally I need him to ignore it. It is just something that happens, and it is easier for me not to have attention called to it.

I do seem to be able to delay the crying until we are done most of the time. That is how he can tell the difference in a trigger or just emotional release. Durring sex (for me) it is always due to a trigger, sometimes after sex it could be either one, the trigger or emotional release.

Can you stop the tears, I mean delay them? If I can push myself to wait until we are done and he leaves the room that helps a lot. I totally understand that ball in your chest feeling. If I can mentally hang on to that ball until my H exits to room or until I exit the room then I can let it go or sometimes it even fades.

I don't think I've ever really tried to hold it in, not during sex anyway. Usually my bf notices that something is going on when I feel the tears coming, and him asking me if I'm OK usually starts the crying. But it is an idea, thanks.

I have told my H not to ask me if I am ok. That just guarantees I will lose it. Don't hug me or touch me or anything. But that is me. You may not work that way. I have PTSD and touching me when I am dealing with emotions is not good. It becomes more like combative PTSD.

Do you do alright before he asks you are you OK, or do you really REALLY crumble after that?

Even not while in bed, if something's building up in me I always crumble when my bf asks if I'm OK. In these situations, though, I usually can hold myself together until he says something.

Right, thats what I am saying. I have told my H not to even ask me if I am ok, or whats wrong. I know he knows and I know he can see that something is wrong. That's all I need to push me over the edge.

Even taken it out of the bedroom, if I my eyes are watery and he asks whats wrong I will often times cry. I just would rather not. We don't have that kind of relationship for starters. He knows that if there is something going on and I want to talk to him I will tell him.