[PleaseAdviseMe]

I am wondering if I have some development issues. Primarily sexually but also emotionally/socially. I have never been a sexual being. I am attracted to men but I have next to no desire to be sexual with them. I feel generally next to no sensation at all when I have sex with my husband. I have tried to pleasure myself a handful of times to see if that made any difference - it didn't. When I was a teenager I knew I was attracted to men, although it took me a while to tell anyone, but I was not a sexual being. I liked them in the way that a pre-teen has a crush on someone thinking they looked nice but not lusting after them physically. I was the sort who would not even notice if someone had good abs, for example. I never looked at women in any way sexually. I didn't even really like being around girls as I generally did not get on with them or anyone my age. I was a socially awkward child and generally did not have too much to do with other children. I had a difficult time with growing up. I wanted to be a child. I bound my breasts sometimes and wore man-sized tops to hide my physical development. I was not uncomfortable with my gender, just my development. I refused to go to sex education. I also suddenly hated anyone touching me in any way.

I remember when I was 7/8 some other girl played kissing games with me. Later on in life, 16, my only friend (girl) pressured me in to sexual things with her. I said I didn't really want to but she did the things any way so I ended up just going along with it and did the things but, this sounds ridiculous, in the way like I did when I was 7/8 - with no sexual intent or desire and not seeing what I now see as clearly sexual actions as sexual. It disgusts me now that I am older as I honestly am not interested in women.

I still have so many child-like traits and struggle being an adult (I even feel a bit intimidated by children over 10!). Anyone got any ideas what could be wrong with me or what might have caused me to be this way? I am trying to research to try to work out what on earth it might be. I have not ruled out the possibility of abuse when I was child.

[Webgoji]

It's possible that there is some childhood issues. It might be worth meeting with a therapist. But it's also possible you just aren't a sexual person which is okay. Some people are and some aren't.

[Focus62]

I'm not sure about the wanting to be a child feelings, but the way you describe your thoughts about sex and how you feel about it with your husband makes me think of myself. I identify my sexual orientation as asexual which means I lack sexual attraction to anyone (even though I still find men to be aesthetically attractive..cute, hot, etc.). I have no wish to have sex with them or do sexual things with them however. Maybe read a bit on asexuality and see if it fits you?

[wiretwister]

my T said I was emotionally neglected as a child , I never thought about it but I was , my only emotion was anger , that agression was also my sexual outlet , with my current mood meds that anger has been completely removed , and so has all my sexual desire , so I find myself adrift with no emotional feelings at all , it's not that I can not feel , I just have no desire to give or receive any physical contact ... sexual or otherwise ... with you I would bet there are childhood issues , a good T can be a god send ...

[lorax177]

It sounds like you might be asexual and sex-repulsed, and depending on how you feel about your role in society and your sex characteristics, you might be agender or neutrois (like me!) Basically, being asexual means you do not experience sexual attraction to anyone of any gender. This can be due to trauma or chronic health problems, but it's also often just the way some people are, like other sexual orientations like being gay, straight, or bisexual. There is also grey-ace which is an umbrella term for many other identities on the asexual spectrum. Grey-ace means you seldom feel sexual attraction or only feel it in certian situations. It's important to note that sexual attraction is different from romantic attraction, though for most people they're experienced simultaneously. But it's possible to be asexual and alloromantic (experiencing romantic attraction--things like wanting to be in a relationship with someone, hold their hand, be around them a lot, maybe kiss them, etc. but romantic attraction doesn't include feeling aroused at the sight or thought of a certian person or gender, or having sexual fantasies with someone) or vice versa, and it's also possible to be asexual and aromantic (that's me!) People can even have different orientations depending on if you're talking about their sexual or romantic attraction. Gender, also, is more complicated than most people realize. Most people think it's a binary of male and female, but it's actually a lot more complex. Not only is the idea that everyone has unambiguously male or female genitilia and other sex characteristics false (as with the surprisingly common occurence of intersex individuals), but it's also historically and scientifically shown that the concept of gender in and of itself is a socially biased human construct and many people exist who identify as a different gender to the one assigned to them at birth. These people are called transgender and are diverse in experience and identity. Someone with a penis could identify as a girl and vice versa, but also there is a plethora of genders that fall outside or between the binary genders of male and female. For example, I identify as neutrois, or neutral-gendered. Figuring out if you're trans (and if so, how you identify and how that impacts your life) is a confusing process but it's worth it in my opinion. No two trans people are alike and since not many people know much about being trans, it's hard to know what to do. I would suggest that you focus on how you feel. Ask yourself: am I absolutely 100% as comfortable as I can possibly be when society genders me as a woman, using she/her pronouns, using terms like "ma'am" and "lady" when referring to me? Am I absolutely 100% as comfortable as I can possibly be with my body and all of its gendered parts (breasts, genitilia, face, etc.)? If you answer no or maybe to either of these questions, it's very likley that you're trans, and there is a whole community of other trans folks who will support you while you discover more about yourself and your identity. Labels, should you choose to use them, should be descriptive, not prescriptive. They should describe how you feel, but if you find another one fits you and your identity better, feel free to use that one instead. There are also things you can do to feel better about your body and identity, such as (safely!) binding your breasts or using gender-neutral pronouns like they/them to refer to yourself, and asking that others do the same. If you want to know more about this, I'm always here for you, and I know a whole lot about it through my own journey of discovery. Always feel free to pm me with any questions you have I'll link to some resources below.

Asexual Visibility and Education Network
What is Neutrois? | Neutrois.com
Agender - Gender Wiki - Wikia
Trans & GNC ? Everyday Feminism
LGBTQIA ? Everyday Feminism
What It?s Like to Date When You Can?t Have Sex ? Everyday Feminism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
Pronouns - Gender Wiki - Wikia
Transition - Gender Wiki - Wikia
Neutrois Nonsense | an intimate exploration of identity and finding life wisdom beyond the gender binary
Binding - Gender Wiki - Wikia
Top Surgery - Gender Wiki - Wikia
Top Surgery - Gender Wiki - Wikia

[TishaBuv]

Can you have an orgasm?

[OneInBillions]

This is fairly fascinating to me. I'm such an intensely sexual person that I couldn't imagine not being this way... But I suppose asexual individuals do indeed exist. Still, refusing sex ed and being uncomfortable with your own sexual development seems to suggest trauma, IMHO.

Just out of curiosity, is there any shame associated with sex for you? I'm just wondering if repression could be the issue; I've known too many people for whom sex is such a dirty, taboo or "sinful" subject that they feel uncomfortable even mentioning it, much less doing it. I know from experience that religion holds some extremely harmful stances on the subject.

[capricorn1975]

I'm an intensely sexual man also and I've had sex practically every day (mostly by myself) since I was 13. I honestly don't think I could live without it.