[ilikecats]

Tonight I told my mom I sometimes think I might be bi. I thought she'd be totally cool with it, but I was a little surprised/disappointed by her reaction. She said if I was, it would be hard for her, and that she thinks it would be harder for me. She also said she doesn't really believe in bisexuality, and that people are either straight or gay. She said something about it probably being a phase. I told her bisexuality is real, and that there's asexual people too and it's all on a spectrum. Then she asked me if I'm "oversexed". I said no, it just means I'm attracted to both guys and girls. I know that if I figure out I really am bi, and if I eventually tell her, she'd still love me. But it seems like she wouldn't really understand me and she wouldn't be pleased about it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty sure I am bi, but I don't think I'll be 100% sure until I get some experience with both guys and girls. But once I do, if I realize I am bi, I have to deal with knowing that my mom would rather me be straight. I'm not sure what I'm asking here. Maybe just to know about your experiences with this, or some support or advice, or to know I'm not alone. Thanks!

[PsychNitrous]

I don't have any advice, but my mom reacted the same way when I came out. I was so disappointed, I just never talked about it again. I never told her about my crushes on girls, and she never knew about my girlfriend in college, as much as I wanted to talk about it. I've never bothered to revisit the subject, though, since I ended up with a man.

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[bixkf]

My advice to you is to simply be comfortable with who you are. There is no reason to have to bend or modify yourself to fit within the standards that others have, even if it is your mom. So your mom doesn't believe in bisexuality, or thinks it's a phase. Indirectly she's actually pushing you down a path that involves experimentation to clarify your sexuality. Instead of supporting you and helping you discover yourself, she is placing you in a situation where you might take risks to experiment or you might mentally suffer trying to fit into her expectations of being gay OR straight.

Although it's not exactly the same, I think that my experience in coming out might provide some insights. I'm rather old, 45+ male, and I've known since I was a teen that I am gay. At one point in my life, I met a woman and although I wasn't directly interested in a physical relationship, I quickly grew to love her and developed an attraction to her. The thing is for years I acted straight because it was the thing to do when you are in a monogamous heterosexual marriage, with children. Internally and in our relationship I accepted the label of bisexual because it was more convenient, and meant I didn't have to argue to justify my true sexuality.

I was not that long ago that I finally came out to my family and friends...yes that even means coming out to my wife. Not that anything in my life changed, but for mental health reasons I had bring the internal conflict to the surface. So I came out as "gay", even while I am still in that monogamous heterosexual marriage, with children. Did that work out easy? Not completely...I've explained my feelings and logic, and stated that I respect that others may not agree with my label. However, being a "gay man married to a woman" is WHO I am...and it's who I am comfortable being. Others don't have to believe me or agree with me...because if I am not comfortable or happy as me...well nothing else matters.

So, back to my advice. Be comfortable with who you are...not who others want you to be. You don't have to go out and experiment to prove yourself to someone else. Believe me, I've been told "you can't be gay if you are married to a woman"! I'm not going to go out and have gay sex with 100 men to prove I'm gay, and you don't even have to "get some experience with both guys and girls" to prove you are bisexual. If you feel bisexual, then you ARE bisexual.

[TishaBuv]

I have been sexually attracted to some other women. I have thought I could be bisexual or gay. It's all been a case by case journey, as I have had a non-stop series of boyfriends, then a long-term husband. But, overlapping or in between, there have been a few women that I could have loved, sexually and emotionally. But I never acted on it.

My mother would have same the same as yours did and worse. She'd have probably disowned me and barred me from her life. But if I were really gay, I wouldn't have let her abusive attitude stop me.

Please don't feel the need to experiment just for the sake of having proof of your sexuality. Sleep with who you want, when you want (as long as it's consensual, of course) but don't do it because of your mother or other people.

Wise words, Breadfish. My parents found out about a relationship i had with a woman when i was in college and my mother said horrible things to me and threatened to disown me and i buckled to her and denied who i am and started dating men and now I'm feeling increasingly trapped in my marriage, through therapy I've been coming to terms with my sexuality and while there's other stuff going on with h, a big part of it is I have longings i can't do anything about because i won't hurt my h like that. I wish I'd had the strength to just be myself back then and never gotten married.

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Originally Posted by ilikecats

Tonight I told my mom I sometimes think I might be bi. I thought she'd be totally cool with it, but I was a little surprised/disappointed by her reaction. She said if I was, it would be hard for her, and that she thinks it would be harder for me. She also said she doesn't really believe in bisexuality, and that people are either straight or gay. She said something about it probably being a phase. I told her bisexuality is real, and that there's asexual people too and it's all on a spectrum. Then she asked me if I'm "oversexed". I said no, it just means I'm attracted to both guys and girls. I know that if I figure out I really am bi, and if I eventually tell her, she'd still love me. But it seems like she wouldn't really understand me and she wouldn't be pleased about it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty sure I am bi, but I don't think I'll be 100% sure until I get some experience with both guys and girls. But once I do, if I realize I am bi, I have to deal with knowing that my mom would rather me be straight. I'm not sure what I'm asking here. Maybe just to know about your experiences with this, or some support or advice, or to know I'm not alone. Thanks!

I didn't think I'd share this part of my life with anyone on here, but I feel like it might help. I'm pansexual, I'm female and currently in a relationship with another female. Just because your mum doesn't believe it's possible, doesn't mean it is. I dated a guy when I was 17, it didn't go anywhere sexually, because it didn't feel right for me, but I fully believe that Love is love, gender doesn't determine who we love. And it should never stand in the way of true happiness.

My Step dad (1 of my abusers) would constantly mock me because he once saw I was texting a girl. He told me I wasn't gay, I was being stupid. My mum only cared about biological grandchildren, but my dad had the best reaction. Anglo, 2 of my best friends are gay. Do what makes you happy.

So my advice to you is, be happy for yourself. Love is natural, it's happiness and safety and isn't defined by genitals. Your mum should be happy that you're happy, and if she's not, that's something you'll both have to come to terms with. But she's still your mum, she still loves you.

My partners mum told my gf to have sex with a guy to make sure she's a lesbian even though my gf knew she was gay. Her mum hated me, threatened to beat me up before she met me. I met her mum, and we got along really well. Now her mum brags about her daughter in law. Hopefully your mum will see that you are happy with the person you fall in love with, and she may even really like your partner be it male or female.
Be True to who you are or you'll never be happy.

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