How do tell your wife you are Bi Sexual

I guess the Title says it.

how long have you been together?

and how long have you known?

Have you lied about your sexuality (have you told her you are straight (assuming you're male))? Or have you simply not gotten around to telling her you like guys (again, assuming you're male) too?

I think it's important to be open and honest in any relationship. In this case, sexual ideas, feelings and fantasies I feel are best talked about outside the bedroom. (And then maybe acted out in the bedroom ) Depending on the type of relationship you have, you may not be able to act on your feelings, but they should be brought up.

Personally I would suggest sitting down and talking with her about your sexual orientation. Not in the context of going out and finding others or any of that, but a simple and adult conversation so you are both on the same page.

Maybe she doesn't need to know?

Why do you feel the urge to tell her?

Hello Englishjay61: I've seem this post several times but thought I really didn't have much to offer. However, today it struck me differently. I'll tell you that I'm in my mid-60's now. But I've struggled all of my life with what nowadays would be called transgender feelings. Of course, for most of my life, the word "transgender" hadn't even been invented yet. So I just grew up hiding... feeling weird & kind-of dirty. (It's a long story...)

Anyway, a few years ago as a result of a number of circumstances which I also won't go into here I ended up finally disclosing my secret to the mental health professionals I was working with & to my wife. I thought the earth would move under my feet. But in reality... nothing happened. The mental health professionals in my life didn't really care. And my wife just wanted to ignore it & pretend like I was just the same old person she had always known. So, in the end, I just snuck back into the closet & closed the door... except that I came to feel exposed & foolish.

It's been a week now since you posted this Thread. Perhaps you've already done whatever it is you're going to do. I guess what I wanted to say here was, first of all, there's no telling what response, or lack thereof, you're likely to get from your wife... for better or worse. And, second, it may well be that your wife won't really care unless your telling her means that you intend to begin seeking gay sexual liaisons. And this may well make a huge difference in the same way that telling her you were planning to start seeking sex with other women would.

In the end, in my case, one of the reasons my wife was able to simply pretend my disclosure had never happened was because I think she believed (correctly) that I wouldn't actually do anything about the secret I had carried around for so many years. The "telling" of my secret was only of significance to her if I intended to actually begin doing something related to it. So, I guess what I'm suggesting here is, unless you're intending to actually begin pursuing a bi-sexual lifestyle, there may be no particularly good reason to disclose your "secret", unless you think that simply having it known will in some way make you feel better. As I mentioned above, in my case, I just ended up feeling exposed & foolish. I wish you well...

Thank you everyone. Keeping it to myself. All is well.

Sorry it took so long to respond, but I'm of the opinion that you shouldn't hide who you are...especially from your spouse. I've been through a 30 year rollercoaster....from my teen years I identified as gay until I met my wife. I never planned or wanted a heterosexual relationship....and our marriage does not revolve around sex, though we are intimate.

The thing is, I told my wife I was gay right from the beginning...three weeks into the relationship, and months before our marriage. For ease, during most of my marriage I identified as bisexual to make it simpler for anyone that mattered. Recently though, I came out as gay, because really...I'm gay except for my wife....I have no interest in any other women, but lots of men. Even though we are not changing our marriage and I don't seek to have relations with men...it's been easier on my wife since she's known for two decades that I prefer men. So telling her "I'm gay" is just an affirmation of the previously disclosed fact.

The longer to hide, the longer to pretend, the harder it is on you and the hard it will be on your wife and family if you eventually decide to pursue your homosexual side.

Just my two cents.

Good luck.

Just sit down and speak your mind and tell her your true feelings.

I felt the urge to admit to my parents that I was an atheist while they were both christians. I was "compelled", by our holy savior, if you will , to tell them about it. It nearly drove me insane, and I eventually "came out" with it. It shocked them, and I believe that if I say that your wife will not be shocked, from my experience, it would be a lie. However, in the end, I am extremely glad that I told them my true beliefs. Best of luck to you, either path you choose!

Jay, I have a feeling that urge will not go away. I told my wife I am bisexual just a couple weeks into dating. I still have told nobody else, other than my therapist. And it sucks being in the closet. I need to be out, it is important to me. I feel deep down, it is important to you.
So good luck if that time comes.

Yeah, if you want to conduct polyamorous bisexual relationships with anyone else, then yeah, she needs to know. I assumed that you wouldn't necessarily act on a bisexual impulse while in a relationship with her that she understood to be exclusive. I apologize for my flippancy regarding a serious issue in your life.

I wonder why you want to tell her? Perhaps you want to explore?