[x123]

I was thinking back, and realized that almost every difficulty or mistake in my life can be traced back to issues I have with sex. If I had developed a more normal attitude towards sex in my youth like most people, then my life would have been a lot different - probably better, but who knows.
- I didn't enter puberty until I was almost 17, so that made me feel abandoned as they all became interested in girls.
- Then I didn't understand that masturbation was normal, so I felt very ashamed until I talked to a psychologist in college (almost 4 years later).
- I went to a college with a male:female ratio of 8:1, so that made romance unlikely.
- Pornography often makes sex seem raunchy, and unfortunately pornography and masturbation has been my own avenue of sexual relief. I have always found sex disgusting for this reason.

All of this contributed to depression, low self esteem, etc. Also, I think masturbation and pornography often lead to addiction, and this has been a problem. I have a love/hate relationship with my sexual desires. Now I am getting close to 50, and I have very low libido, but I still seem to have an addiction to pornography and masturbation. I don't like becoming less sexually active, even though my sex life isn't much good. Oh well.

[LiteraryLark]

Being a 20-something year old, I don't have much wisdom to offer except for sympathy. I do hope you can find the means to put your mind at ease.

[x123]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

Being a 20-something year old, I don't have much wisdom to offer except for sympathy. I do hope you can find the means to put your mind at ease.

Thanks, @LiteraryLark

[PerryJeffJoeJimBob]

Have you discussed this with a therapist?

I see many similarities in both your and my stories. I am 55, by the way.

I discussed my sex issues with my existing therapist (opposite gender), and she has helped with my understanding of my situation. Because of my discussion with her, I have recently started seeing a trained Sex Therapist, who has addressed topics my therapist wasn't trained to discuss (such as my experiences, positions, methods and techniques).

And while things aren't perfect, they are improving. I even posted my profile on dating sites, and have had a few dates. Unfortunately, I live in a rural area, and the women I dated were too far away to establish long-term courtships. But I have just started seeing someone local and things look promising.

So I think you should seek out someone to help you.

[Finniky]

I can relate to you to some degree. I am a woman, but I enjoy porn and it is the only way I can get off. I have a low libido when it comes to physical sex in my relationship. The thing is, it wasn't always that way with me. I once was an openly sexual person.

I am sure your sex life has made your life harder. Passion is important. I once had sexual passion in my life, in surplus. I was a happier person (albeit much more impulsive and emotional). Things changed and I no longer have sexual acknowledgement, connection, tension, or passion between anyone. I no longer feel feminine, just... blah. I am no longer an impulsive, emotional person - however, I feel detached and emotionless often.

You seem to feel guilty about sexual desires, and you seem sexually repressed. If your 'desires' are legal and consensual types of desires, you shouldn't be guilty. Desiring sex is wired in you just like eating and sleeping. You need to try to express your sexuality outside of using pornography and masturbation.