Should I be worried?

I was raped and my boyfriend gets aroused thinking about it and wants me to call him by my rapist's name. He is sweet and kind and would never rape me. He thinks there is something wrong with him that this gets him excited. Is there? What could be causing this?

I was reading something similar to this earlier (I'll have to see if I can find it again) - it basically was talking about someone who had rape fantasies, which were 100% consensual, with their partner. Maybe it could be something like that? I don't know much about that or what would make someone enjoy it, but ideally nothing seems wrong about it. Hopefully others can add some perspective!

From a man's point of view I could not imagine wanting my partner to call me by her rapist name. Thankfully I don't have to worry about that. Good luck to you

I can't even fathom what you are telling me it's so insensitive of your BF! Rape is an unwanted, traumatic experience. He tells you it turns him on and wants you to call him your rapist's name? WTF! And you are able and willing to do that? And you ask if you should be worried that there is something wrong with him for wanting this?

How do you feel about doing this? Are you comfortable with it? Yes, there is something very strange going on here!

My intentions are to be supportive to you, but as someone who was raped (date raped), I just have to shout What are you doing?

I have to ask, how do YOU feel about acting out his rape fantasy? Him wanting you to use your rapist's name sounds...intense. Do you have PTSD from the rape? Has the trauma gone away (don't know how that works).

If acting out this fantasy and being the rape victim you were in your past....well. Is this something you want to explore, too? Or would it be consenual but you're just doing it because it turns him on?

If you'd be doing it just for him, I think you might relive trauma. (I was raped, too, so I can relate on a base level).

I imagine rape fantasies are fine if it's something that's sexually exciting for both parties. It sounds risky if this isn't a turn-on for you.

The fact that he wants you to use your rapist's name is very concerning. That's him getting off on the fact you were raped? I don't know. I think it seems sadistic but I'm a rape victim so I'm just going with how I'd feel.

I don't know if I helped or not. I'm concerned, triggered maybe. That's my issue, not yours. I hope things go well whatever you decide. Dominate-Submissive can be very rewarding. You're submitting based on trust but it's mutual no rape element. But the power exchange is there in a safe way. I couldn't do what he's requesting. I'm triggered so I'll bow out.

Take care.

Welcome to the forums, I see you just joined. We are here to support.

Yes we need more info esp from your side.

He is not seeking arousal through a mutually agreed upon rape fantasy, he is getting aroused through a specific moment of immense pain for you. His plan definitely troubles me.

He is definitely focused on himself and his needs. There are complex reasons why different things arouse different people but if he can't see past himself and realize the pain he is causing you, it might be time for you to rethink the relationship.

Yes, you should. First of all, I get rape fantasies, but this is a tramatic event in YOUR life.... having to relive it is not cool. If you were ok, with doing a rape role-play, then that's fine, but for him to want to get so personal with it is just not healthy. If you're comfortable with it though....