[Submax]

After my wife discovered bruising on me and I confessed that I have seen Dominatrix's for almost thirty years,I took an eight week break. I also saw a therapist briefly,but hated it almost as much as not seeing the Goddess for discipline. I have scheduled a session tomorrow and quite honestly I can't wait to go back. I have been miserable since I stopped. Yes my wife disaproves,yes she doesn't know about tomorrow,yes is she finds out she will be upset and maybe ask me to leave. I just love it more than anything and it has been a part of me since I was 18. I love my wife but not more than being severely disciplined by a sadistic woman. It is what it is I suppose.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Submax: In an odd way, I have some sense of your predicament. I wish you well...

Uh, wow. You sure the revelation of this longtime betrayal won't bring out an actionable streak of sadism in your wife? She may be willing to 'severely discipline' you at this point.

[Submax]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Uh, wow. You sure the revelation of this longtime betrayal won't bring out an actionable streak of sadism in your wife? She may be willing to 'severely discipline' you at this point.

Lefty- My wife feels pity for me and doesn't understand it. I explained how and why it began,put all my cards on the table so to speak. I went to therapy for a few sessions and for me it wasn't rewarding. Yes I was doing it before I met my wife,yes I should have said something then and didn't. As for my wife perhaps severely disciplining me that will not be happening. I am routinely caned/paddled to blood in session and she is not capable of the sadism I require. We have had a good life but I always felt bad I wasn't honest and always felt she deserved better. I just can't stop. Sad as it sounds my life has been horrible in the two months I haven't gone. It's all I have been able to think of. Some people need drugs to feel good,some need to see a therapist to feel good and I need to be dealt with severely by a Dominant woman to be fulfilled.

[msrobot]

I hope you enjoyed your scene. Unless someone has experienced masochistic urges, it's very hard to get them to understand how these experiences may "put gas in your tank" or "keep you going". There can be a "brain fog", when we neglect activities that make life worth living for us, even if that's a good thrashing.

Sub,

Does it have to be that severe to be arousing? Caned to bleeding? Can your wife just start with spanking?

It is hard for a non-sadist to make someone bleed.

There is nothing wrong if this is your kink. Everyone is different.

[Artchic528]

How's it going? Have you taken the first step to getting the help you so desperately need?

[Submax]

Excellent. I have been very bad. The Dominatrix agreed and punished me severely. I really don't think I'll do it again. Lol.

[TishaBuv]

Would you have liked it if your wife played dominatrix with you? Does it have to be from a woman you don't have a real relationship with? Would you be happy to have your wife be just as she is but with the added element of dom every so often?

[Artchic528]

Here.

https://www.addiction.com/get-help/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_addiction

I did some of the work for you, but you have to take the first step by yourself. Get your wife and child to help if needed. There's absolutely no need to disrespect your wife's wishes like this and lose her trust, and thus her and your child, for good. It's completely senseless.

Good luck!

[Submax]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Would you have liked it if your wife played dominatrix with you? Does it have to be from a woman you don't have a real relationship with? Would you be happy to have your wife be just as she is but with the added element of dom every so often?

Yes,but it isn't going to happen.

[Submax]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Here.

https://www.addiction.com/get-help/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_addiction

I did some of the work for you, but you have to take the first step by yourself. Get your wife and child to help if needed. There's absolutely no need to disrespect your wife's wishes like this and lose her trust, and thus her and your child, for good. It's completely senseless.

Good luck!

I have gone to two professionals in regard to my fetishistic disorder and neither thought it was addictive behavior.

I hope I don't get flack for this, but I think you should tell your wife. :/ I think she'd want to know and if you truly love her, you'll be honest with her so she can make a decision on whether or not she wants to stay with you.

If the situation were reversed, surely you'd want your partner to be honest with you if they were cheating?

[Submax]

No flack from me. I offered to leave,she asked me to stay for the sake of our child. We could go back and forth about cheating. I don't have sex with the Dominatrix although there is intimacy. The bottom line is my wife can't satisfy my sexual masochism. I have had this since I was 12 and I'm not willing to dampen it down. We both have very good jobs,nice house,child goes to private school. Deep down my wife likes the security she has or she wouldn't have stopped me from leaving. This is the best way forward until my child is 18 in my opinion. Others my disagree but they aren't in my situation. And for the record if my wife came to me and told me she liked to get beat by dominant men and I couldn't do it,I would give my blessing to go see a male dominant to handle it with the understanding of no sex.

Makes sense. A marriage based on mutual dependence. Not unheard of.

Submax, I find your story fascinating but I do not envy your wife. She really should have been told at the beginning. I know you recognize this. This is where your guilt is coming from.
I am sure that H shaped many of my sexual preferences. Maybe there is still more to talk about between your wife and you. Even if first talks go badly, sometimes talking about things does help on the 2nd or 3rd try.

[Submax]

Originally Posted by Mysterious153

Submax, I find your story fascinating but I do not envy your wife. She really should have been told at the beginning. I know you recognize this. This is where your guilt is coming from.
I am sure that H shaped many of my sexual preferences. Maybe there is still more to talk about between your wife and you. Even if first talks go badly, sometimes talking about things does help on the 2nd or 3rd try.

Yes,I should have told her,but we were young and I was afraid. My wife is the most honest and kind person I had ever met. Obviously with my background I wasn't used to that. I was reluctant to have a child because I knew this day could come and it would complicate things,but my wife so wanted a baby that I couldn't deny that from her. If I could turn back time I would,I would have told her the truth and told her to find someone more deserving of her love.

You sound like you have been sweet to her in many ways. Who knows, she may have stayed if you told her (probably not healthy to dwell on it to much). You feel like you have ruined your marriage but please don't assume that. You obviously still love her. True love is hard to find. You still share so many good things.

[Submax]

Originally Posted by Mysterious153

You sound like you have been sweet to her in many ways. Who knows, she may have stayed if you told her (probably not healthy to dwell on it to much). You feel like you have ruined your marriage but please don't assume that. You obviously still love her. True love is hard to find. You still share so many good things.

I have only loved three people in my life. My wife,child and the first Dominatrix I had when I was 18. The first Dominatrix and I were lovers but that is not the norm in the business. I was 18,she was 27 when we met and in a way she lived her lost youth through me. I would go see her each day and tell her about my day at college,things that we learned. You see she had never finished high school because she had left home at 17. I loved her but after college I received a job in another state and we drifted apart.

[Patagonia]

I'm confused why you went to therapy. Was this requested if you? This fetish is not uncommon & certainly not a "disorder."
So now your wife knows of your kink. I wouldn't dwell of things in the past. You've put all your cards on the table. Now you need to know from her if she wants to continue in this marriage & what arrangement will make it work for you both...& your child.

Maybe you need to come up with a schedule so there is open communication about where you will be & why. Maybe she does not wanto know the details. Maybe she does. You'll need to ask.
I know many marriages where one partner plays outside the marriage & the other does not. But there are boundaries put in place to make them both comfortable about the arrangement. I've talked to some that use the "don't ask; don't tell" method & it works for them. Some even make schedules around holiday time & what to do in case of an emergency.

I think if all this is out in the open & discussed in detail with your wife then a weight will be lifted off your shoulders.
Many will say, well have your wife cane you, but there's so very much more to it than that. The whole bdsm dynamic & some that can't be explained or substituted.
I've asked my husband for spankings & all I've gotten is a tap on the butt leaving the bedroom. What I want he can't give me.
Wish you luck!

Yes, the issue is not on the kink, it is how can you fulfill it and stay in your marriage?