Problem with past lover

I recently reconnected with someone from my past (who I met in psych ward), I was very reluctant at first and didn't really want anything to do with her. But she kept on pursuing me. I obviously gave in, I loved the attention. We had sex a few times which was very intense. We were both in committed relationships and I always felt extremely guilty and I tried to end it numerous times.

Eventually she probably got tired of me and started to ignore my calls and texts. I begged her to not do this to me. She said she needs money, she will pay it back, and stupid me, gave it to her. She needs a phone, I give it to her, now I need the phone back and she blocks me on everything.

I am now glad the whole thing is over but I can't stop thinking about having sex with her. I think about it all day. In the morning when I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I am having sex with my partner. It is f***up I know. I just want to erase her from my brain.

Wow! Major issues going on in this post. Not sure where to start.
IMHO it sounds like a very unhealthy relationship so maybe it's really good that it's over. The more you try to "erase" this memory, of course, the more it'll bother you.

Ummmm did you tell your partner about it?
My only concern is about your health.
I'm hoping you're protecting yourself from std's.

I know about the issues and I feel like s**** about them. I feel miserable and guilty re. cheating and I haven't told my partner because she will leave me.

I have known this other girl for 8 years and I thought she was a decent person. I was also concerned about std's but I went to the gyne and got tested and everything is fine.

This whole thing triggered an episode and laned me back in hospital a few months back. I know it's my own fault though.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

First I'm glad to hear that you are protecting yourself & being safe! It's just a huge pet peeve of mine & im happy to hear you're being smart in this area.

Second......if all of this has triggered such a huge episode that you were hospitalized I think you need to reevaluate the relationships & what you're looking for.
I understand guilt very well. But I also understand forgiveness as well. If you made some mistakes, learn from them & give yourself a chance to move on. This might take some time to do. Process it & answer your own questions of "why."
Really, just my opinion....I need to take my own advice! But I hope things can work out for you!!

I think we may be susceptible to forming a bond with some people in IP. Was this your experience? Going through trying times together.

It sounds like it's profoundly affected you and I'm sorry you are hurting.

I think you need time and a way to achieve closure. Perhaps a therapist can help with closure? I think ceasing all contact will start the healing process. xo

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk