[iliketherain]

I am newly single but still living with my ex with the hopes of getting back together one day, hopefully soon. Before we broke up we were rarely intimate and when we were, I would have to ask for sex, physical affection, and the like...and when it didn't happen, which was more often than not, I would get really upset and depressed.

I want to know how I ruined sex for us. I feel like he is/was attracted to me and that I am a good partner, so I don't know if I just got so upset when it didn't happen that it was a total turn-off for him?

He keeps telling me it seemed like no matter how much sex we had it would never be enough for me to be happy. But we may have been intimate 1/7 days a week (at most), and even though I enjoyed our rare engagements, they were not often enough.

Thanks for any help!

[Skeezyks]

Hello iliketherain: Well... from the Skeezyks perspective... everyone has their own needs when it comes to affection, intimacy & sex. I doubt it is possible to know for certain what is going on with your ex. Perhaps he doesn't really even know himself. I think the key here is open communication between the two of you with regard to what feel each of you needs; and then a willingness on the part of each to compromise. But, then, that's really the key to any long-term relationship, isn't it? Communication & compromise...

[RoseOfSharon]

Firstly, from what you say, it is unlikely you did anything to have 'ruined sex' . As skeezyks says, the key is communication and compromise. Why did he go off sex? Why did you get so upset? Being two obvious questions for you to ask him and yourself.
I have been in a sexless marriage for 14 years now (I have been with my - now - wife 18 years). She went off sex at the menopause, and I just accepted it at the time, because I loved her. Now I wish we had engaged in some honest, if painful, conversations at the time - rather than be left with the considerable frustration I feel now. While there is certainly so much more to a relationship than sex, sex IS important, as much for the intimacy as for physical satisfaction. But it needs to be mutual desire.
Sex with your partner may well not have been anything to do with it being a turn-off for him. Do not blame yourself - but do talk. And if he is unwilling to talk, perhaps ask yourself whether you would really want to be back in a relationship that is so one-sided sexually.
Good luck.

[Yoda]

I really doubt that you ruined the sex. When I was married my H preferred porn and self stimulation to sex with me and I thought I was not sexy enough.

It was very different with my next relationship because my partner had a high libido like I did and liked more kinky things. We would watch porn together and say, I want to do 'that' to you and it was entirely different to how my previous partner used porn.

There is a saying like sex is not important when you are satisfied with the sex in a relationship but becomes very important when you are not satisfied. Something like that.....

Originally Posted by iliketherain

I want to know how I ruined sex for us

What makes you so sure that you ruined the sex?