Don't know what is going on with 12 year old son

I recently found out my 12 year old son has been masturbating, which I know is normal for this age. However, he admitted he likes to "feel around" his **** opening because as he says, it feels good. He denies sticking anything into the rectum, including his fingers. My concern is that he is going to injure himself, while his father is convinced that this means our son is gay (WTF?) and even went on to say he wasn't loving gay kid (don't worry - he's on his way out)

I sat my son down, asking him if he had been touched by anyone, as I know this could be a red flag for sexual abuse, but he denied that too, just saying he does it "just because". We did have an issue a few months back with him watching porn on his phone, so I have a parental blocker in place now, but there's no telling what he saw in the videos he watched. From what he said, his friends talk about watching it, so he thought he would too.

Does any of this seem normal for a 12 year old boy? I am concerned this could be a result of deeper issue, instead of just normal teenage puberty behavior and it's freaking me out.

Thanks!

Hi Mom, He is right around the age when boys normally start to become aware of sexual feelings so I wouldn't be too concerned. An open non-judgmental conversation wit him will be the best thing you can do. I think you can emphasize that he is feeling normal healthy things as his body matures and teach him that the key is to manage these feelings as he grows.

It doesn't sound like the husband has had, or will have, any of these discussions with him so it is up to you.

I hope this helps.

You have such an open relationship with your son. That's good, but kind of strange to be talking that in depth about his masturbation.

I have three boys and our conversations went like me mentioning that I know they are hitting puberty and it's normal for them to touch themselves, but that they should not do anything that sends them to the emergency room.

Sexually, I don't think it means anything for him to like that area of his body. I think it's very normal.

from my experience this is quite normal for his age, some people just like that, it's not unhealthy or a sign he is gay or has been abused.
kudos if you can talk to him about it, if my mom ever said that i'd have freaked right out

I agree with what has been said. People all have different sexual preferences, and certain ones, such as what you've described regarding your son, aren't necessarily indicative of one's preference in their partner's gender. I bet there are many hetero men who like to stimulate themselves via their ****. It all boils down to what feels good to that particular individual.

I also want to emphasize that homosexuality is perfectly fine and the reaction that his father has had is unhealthy to young man who is just discovering his own sexuality and preferences. I had a very religiously oppressive grandmother, who tried to drill unto me her values and that homosexuality was "evil" and "wrong". This caused a lot of emotional and sexuality based turmoil to which I struggled to find peace over until my early 20's.

I can understand where his father might be coming from, however, as the man he expected your son to grow up into might not necessarily be the one your son will be and excepting that is very difficult if one was raised in a certain light to only accept certain outcomes.

Anyways, rest assured that your son is just being curious and exploring newfound, hormone fueled feelings, and discussing with him his curiosities and how best to control them will benefit you both. I wish my own mother had discussed these things with me at least a bit further than shouting at me what I would do about "sex" during an argument we had over peer pressure. However, given her aforementioned mother's methods and values, I hadn't expected very much in this department.

Best of luck to you and your son both!