[User Name]

I'm in new relationship. Trying to keep my past as past.

I categorized myself as asexual because I never felt need of sex and neither do I now. My boyfriend feels that he will be able to get me to feel need of sex. I don't want to disappoint him, so I try to react to his touch.

He told me that in his experience, females were always required to be aroused. None of the females themselves come forward with need sex. Guys on the other hand only think about sex. It is normal as per him and I'm not asexual in his eyes.

I want to know from other females, do they have urge for sex? Is it true that guys had to arouse them to feel the urge? And how do I know I want to do it?

Male point of view is also welcomed from their experience with their female partner.

[Patagonia]

So he's saying that females need a male to be aroused? That females don't need sex?
Does he know that females are also humans??

Is this a bdsm relationship?

[User Name]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

So he's saying that females need a male to be aroused? That females don't need sex?
Does he know that females are also humans??

Is this a bdsm relationship?

You are reading it wrong. He says this in good way. He tries to tell me that if I don't feel urge, it isn't unusual. That is how females are.
I haven't interacted about sex with other females and don't know what they feel like. Sex was never my topic of interest and figuring asexuality, I understood myself. Now, I don't know if it is asexuality that my body never feels the urge and I never make the first step... or is it true that most of the time females wouldn't be looking for sex till that is initiated.

[Patagonia]

I think it depends on the woman & every woman is an individual.

Some women are more or less submissive when it comes to sex & some are more domme or primal & feel the urge for sex as much as men. But I feel that every woman is different

[Pikku Myy]

I would say it is normal. Why else have sex and babies? Just my thought.

[User Name]

Thanks Pikku. I'm still confused.
Scared on what if I'm just being played just to get into my pants. I'm aware of my asexuality though not sure if I could be in gray area of asexuality and could want sex with someone I love. But, I'm scared to love even.

With all of you saying, you would take the initiatives, it feels like, either my man hasn't really been in relationships or he is just saying so to make me comfortable into having sex.
Thanks again.

[Deranged Hermit]

I wouldn't say that he is lying or misleading but his experiences seem limited.

First I'd like to point out that there are nearly as many asexual men as women. But because our society expects men to be highly sexual creatures those who are not learn to fake it to fit in or keep silent about it.

Second there are many highly sexual woman who do not need to be urged into sexual relations, undoubtedly you've heard other woman called easy, slutty etc.

My advice, if you are comfortable doing so, would be to allow him to try to arouse you. If it doesn't work have an honest discussion about it. Whatever you do do not fake the arousal.

Sexual compatibility is a complicated dynamic in any relationship but when one of the partners is asexual and the other thinks they can change their partner it can lead to resentment. I urge you to read some articles about no sex marriages or bedroom death.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that this doesn't make you wrong, bad, or even different. Sexual urges are covered over a large spectrum and there is really no wrongs when it comes to desires or lack there of.

[woundedsoul]

I think that it depends on the person. I've always struggled with issues of sex, whether it stems from past abuse from when I was a child, or even as an adult, or a combination of both, I don't know. But I do know that I've always had an issue with sex. It seems that the only time I'm really interested in having sex with a person is when I hardly know them. As soon as the relationship becomes serious, it's seems as though that's when my sex drive goes on hiatus. Permanently.

[User Name]

Originally Posted by Deranged Hermit

I wouldn't say that he is lying or misleading but his experiences seem limited.

First I'd like to point out that there are nearly as many asexual men as women. But because our society expects men to be highly sexual creatures those who are not learn to fake it to fit in or keep silent about it.

Second there are many highly sexual woman who do not need to be urged into sexual relations, undoubtedly you've heard other woman called easy, slutty etc.

My advice, if you are comfortable doing so, would be to allow him to try to arouse you. If it doesn't work have an honest discussion about it. Whatever you do do not fake the arousal.

Sexual compatibility is a complicated dynamic in any relationship but when one of the partners is asexual and the other thinks they can change their partner it can lead to resentment. I urge you to read some articles about no sex marriages or bedroom death.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that this doesn't make you wrong, bad, or even different. Sexual urges are covered over a large spectrum and there is really no wrongs when it comes to desires or lack there of.

Thanks. Unfortunately, I'm as of now faking to some extent because I don't want to disappoint him. But, I think you are right, I need to be honest. On a lie relationship wouldn't last and I want this to last. Thanks for your advice.

I'm not particularly interested in sex but I do suffer from vaginismus and sex can be painful. It does put you off.

I faked it with the guy I was recently seeing and if it makes him happy then I am happy. I need to learn to please myself as well as others. I tend to do that on my own and I wonder if I could ever orgasm without masturbation or direct clitoral stimulation from another person. I never have in the past although for the first time I really did enjoy penetrative sex with this recent guy when I was on top of him. I don't think I ever really have in the past. The fear of pain has put me off.

I think a lot of women are not really interested in sex. But a lot are. You can't generalise. Everyone is different.

[YOLO Lady]

I'm a very sexual person and do not need the guy to do anything to get me aroused. Just thinking about sex gets me aroused. I also initiate sex a lot in my relationships. There are definitely tons of people like me and tons of people who could not care any less about sex and then the majority are somewhere in the middle.

I think for a long time I was asexual and had little desire for sex. Not sure why other than maybe practice and life not making me think of it? Perhaps hormones. But now that I have a few hormone swings I feel much more aroused easier. I do wonder if the issue of sexuality is related to hormones. When I took a progesterone supplement I literally felt like a sex hound. Like i could do something stupid but most of the normal time I feel normal.

[Sad Mermaid]

It depends upon a woman and then within the same woman it depends upon the man she is with. If I am with a man whom I love, I would want and initiate sex round the clock and have fantasies about sex with him round the clock. If a man does not interest me, I still can get a little bit aroused from the action, but that man would not be a part of my fantasy life.