Physically abusive relationship destroyed sex drive

So, I was in a violent relationship. It started about a yr and a half into our relationship, he'd get blackout drunk and go absolutely psycho (once he tried stabbing me in the neck with a fork but pinning me down and strangling me was his favourite move :-( ) he was/is double my weight so there wasn't much I could do apart from hide but then he'd find me. At first he would cry and apologise and I'd take him back, all that stupid ****. Anyways, we broke up a few months ago (September) after I fled from house and spent the night at a hotel. We were together 4yrs and 7 months.

That's the background. Before the first "incident" I had an insatiable sexual appetite but that decreased after every attack. Now, I just think of sex as such a disgusting activity and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm always going to feel like this. I can't talk about this with anyone. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. Am I always going to feel like this? Has anyone out there had a similar experience?

I think this is very understandable. No, I don't have similiar experience, but I can still understand you. It is a very intimate thing and requires a lot of trust and also self-confidence, which both you lost with those experiences you had to make, which I feel very sorry for you.

I don't know if it is a good idea, but theoretically the one thing you could try is "exposition", meaning to go and have sex, make a hopefully good experience and re-learn that it is generally a good thing. Maybe you have a good old friend, maybe an ex-lover ... I'm thinking like falling off the bicylcle and getting back on immediately.

Hey you thought about trying to see a therapist first to talk thru these emotions & feelings?
With psychological damage I think you need to heal yourself first from the inside, before you go & have sex again.
Your going to run into triggers & need to have a safety plan in place if something comes up. Your next partner is going to need to be aware of this so they can watch for triggers & help you get thru it.
Take your time & heal first.

Thank you both x I know there will be a lot of healing needed before I can trust another man with my body

May I ask how the Sex with him was ? And how old you are roughly now?

Hate to ask....but does this sound like a pick up line??
She just explained how ABUSIVE her partner was & you're asking her how the sex was??
I'd like to say WTF, but leaving a window for a response

Okokok, I'm terribly sorry if it came over like that. I guess, you're right that this was very insensitive, sorry @ConfusedBB.

To me the horrible and so incredible mean thing about abuse (of any kind) is that it isn't just very very bad then and there, but appearantly it affects you a long time after it's over, maybe even for the rest of your life. And this is sooo terrible. It's not just that you have to endure horrible things then, it can even destroy the rest of your life.

Pls see my posts about my own life here:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...al-family.html

https://forums.psychcentral.com/adul...hy-oh-why.html

So, being aware now what happened to me I'm looking for ways to get out of this loop.

As for the post here: the question about age was related to the idea that I believe that things happening can affect us differently in relation to age. The younger we are, the worse it is as we haven't made (m)any other experiences before so we can't compare. Usually we only have this one family we come from and everything happening there appears to be perfectly normal. We can't say, hey, the last 3 families I lived in were a lot better than this one, so it's not about *me*, there is clearly something wrong with *them*. But for example now, that I've worked for several companies by now and having dealt with lots of different business partners (customers, vendors, affiliates, etc.) I can very well compare to previous experiences when there is any trouble.

So, in this case, if she is rather young and this was her first relationship it is rather difficult. If she had 3-4 relataionships before, that went well, or at least "normal", then I would suggest to spend time remembering those and becoming aware that it doesn't have to be like that and that this was rather tough luck, which makes it easier to find trust and confidence to somebody again.

The other aspect about it was, that maybe the sex with him was also bad, abusive, reckless, etc. and maybe this was (also) the reason for her attitude now.

So, this is the reasoning. However, looking at it now, I agree that it was rather stupid and very insensitve from my side, please accept my apologies. I hope to do better in the future.

First I don't wanto derail the original post. Sorry.
But I saw ur first post as advice of "if you wanto get over someone, get under someone else."
Not a great idea.
Then asking how the sex was & how old the OP is....if you stand back there's red flags of you being a troll basically. Sorry.
I was hoping for a response so thank you for explaining yourself to us & the OP. Maybe when you ask questions you could include why you're asking it so we can all see your train of thought.

And yes gmts I most definitely agree with you that abuse, in any way, shape or form can affect us for a very long time, but IMHO it should not destroy the rest of your life. I know it does for some people, but hopefully we're all here to help each other so this does not happen to us & we can move on.
Thanks for your explanation....it helped me anyway.

Yes, that's a very good idea. And sorry again, communication isn't the thing I'm best at ...