[evildouble102]

Apparently I am manic or something from what my pcp and T say. I agree haven't slept much, hostile, wanting to SI, hallucinations, impulsivity, lack of judgement, crying for hours on end, instant gratification, impatience, decreased appetite, etc, etc. Anyway I had unprotected sex with this guy who I've been with before but I know that's still not wise. I am on BC but still I know and acknowledged later the threat of stds. I was kinda caught up in the moment and didn't realize he didn't have a condom on. Anyway, my sex drive seems to be going nuts right now. I don't really know what to do about it; I mean I know what I want to do but it's not a good idea obviously.... I don't feel I can masturbate bc of my abuser would masturbate in front of me for whatever reason; so it just really freaks me out to see anyone masturbate and will not even consider satisfying myself in this manner.... Any ideas?

[Rhapsody]

When you say you cannot masturbate due to past sexual abuse - Are you meaning just with your hand or could you possibly use an adult toy to help get this need done?

[evildouble102]

Just the thought of it makes me cringe, withdraw, almost feel scared as well; I dunno like humiliated and violated all over again... which is weird because I'm ok with having sex with a guy as long as it's mutual kinda thing.... I know this probly doesn't makea whole lot of sense but it's just how I feel and react.

[Gracey]

I had similar issues. . .

It took regular desensitization to get me to a point where I was ok with "self gratification."

Keep your chin up. Get creative. If you can't abide the idea of touching yourself, or using a "female aid" what about a standard massaging head? Rest it against yourself, and "ride the wave." No touching, no body fluids (can I say that here?) but it might be a way for you to cross this particular bride.

[Soidhonia]

Hello (((DOUBLE))). I have to agree with your Dr if you are manic then things happen that are not in your control such as unmanageable sex acts with different partners for no particular reason except an elevated sex drive. If your Dr gets your meds adjusted then hopefully the mania will subside along with taking the birth control to help sustain a more normal sex drive. The main thing is to get stable and then find out what you would like to do in the future. There are many options available where touching yourself is not necessary while masturbating. Just take things one day at a time and try just to handle the mania at this time, then go on to another issue. Take care. Soidhonia