[CityLightsLove]

Hey everyone, this is my first post. I'm 27. I've had this problem for years and sometimes I can't figure out if the problem is the men or me. First, it takes a good while for me to have an orgasm and I can never have one from just sex (I wish). I need a lot of clitoral stimulation and fingering from him and usually I need to help out so it will happen. Also I need a lot of foreplay beforehand and sometimes they do it and other times they don't want to spend too much time on foreplay. I get complaints that they're tired and their hands hurts from fingering me lol... Then it ruins the mood and makes me feel like I don't matter as much in bed. The problem is the sex feels great usually but when they're done and it's over (which doesn't take too long), I'm still very worked up and need a release.. Not every single time but mostly, yes. When he's done, he lays there wanting to hold me and I'm still super horny and can't relax, so he spends more time going down on me and doing things until I orgasm, then I can relax. But I feel like after a while, the men get tired of putting so much work in. I give a lot as well and i love it, so sex is definitely not all about me, I love giving.. I just need more to get off. I've been told once that sometimes I act like a child when it comes to wanting more in sex, which makes no sense in a way.. Yeah I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and going to sleep after I'm not satisfied. I tell them what I need and what I like. I don't take sexual frustration well. I just feel like if you're satisfied, I should be too.. It's not fair. Other times I get told I want sex too often if it's more than once or twice in a night. And this isn't with anyone I live with or see often.. I understand if you're with that person every day, you need breaks but this is in dating and short relationships.. I've always wanted a real, long term relationship but haven't found it yet.

What do you guys think I should do about this situation? Do you think it's me or the men? Am I just asking for too much? I don't know how to calm down after sex without some sort of a release.. I feel like the foreplay gets me really in the mood but the sex makes me hit my peak and when it ends too soon, it leaves me frustrated. Please help me.

[Bill3]

If you get the amount of foreplay that you want, how do things typically go after that?

[CityLightsLove]

The foreplay gets me excited for the sex but the sex is what hits my peak and I get really into that... it doesn't last too long but it's not too short neither.. but when it's over I still feel anxious and in the mood.. he's tired obviously and I don't feel relieved. I need uninterrupted attention down there for a while so I can orgasm and calm down.. I don't need to orgasm every single time but especially if the sex isn't frequent, I need to orgasm.

[Yukari]

Wow, those dudes sound selfish. A lot of men just want to get off and don't care if the woman finishes, so it's not like it's rare. I've given my bf oral sex more times than I can count, he's gone down on me once and stopped after five seconds saying he "didn't like it". like ok do you think I like having yours in my mouth??

You're not asking too much, both people should get to finish. Before you sleep with a guy you should let him know all this so it's at least not a surprise. Some will be cool with it, others won't be. Or you can be petty and just call it a night before he finishes (:

[TishaBuv]

Try adding a sex toy to speed your O.

[Bill3]

The foreplay gets me excited for the sex but the sex is what hits my peak

Think about arousal as 0-10, where 10 is orgasm. What level of arousal are you typically at when foreplay ends?

[Patagonia]

So are you just having a clitoral orgasm? Is this what you have when you masturbate? There are several different types of orgasms a woman can have & at different times too. You might wanto do some exploring on your own.
Most men really don't know this & kind of count on us to "show" them & give them hints as to what works.
What works best...tell them! For me that's really hard to do & embarrassing, but it does help a great deal.
Your partner has to also be adventurous in pleasing you too. Trying different positions, maybe exploring being sensual or tantric energy exchange & yeah using some toys! Women also reach a climatic plateau & if they're good they can use that to your advantage to intensify your orgasm.
You need to be comfortable with your toys first before you hand them to your partner. My partner will watch what I do with them so he can see how I use them. (The clitoris is a fairly large organ, most think it's just a "button.")

But your partner needs to be just as pleasured by giving you pleasure no matter how long it takes. There shouldn't be any shaming involved & if theyre tired they should at least help you in any way possible for you to have an orgasm so you feel satisfied too.
You deserve satisfaction too!