Just need discuss a few things...

I have to get this off of my mind. My boyfriend is having his house fumigated on Friday so I invited him over, well, for at least the afternoon and whatnot. Well, one thing led to another on the phone and in texts and now we're planning on having a romp between the sheets for the first time with each other.

A bit soon in some people's eyes, I know, so please don't judge me on that. It's what I want. God I want it so bad. However, that's not what I'm writing about. You see, he got drunk earlier in the day and called me and confided in me that he has some pretty damn dark fantasies. I can't really share them with you all, mostly because I don't want to violate his trust. Rest assured he rarely drinks, so I don't think it'll be a common thing.

Anyways, inbetween telling me his dark fantasies he told me a few things he wanted to try with me. You see, he wants to try stuff like deep throating and doggy style (granted I brought it up that I wanted to try doggy style and he went on saying he wanted to pin me down and pull on my hair and other stuff like that).

And now I'm confused on what I want to do on Friday and what I don't want to do. Do I like getting my hair pulled? Can I even deep throat? I don't know these things.

You see, I was hit once or twice by my father growing up and I don't know where my threshold for being triggered lies within all of this more forceful and kinky stuff. I flinch when a hand is raised to me. I can't help it, it just happens.

I'm honestly really wanting to have sex with him and enjoy it, but at the same time, I want him to enjoy it too.

In order to do things that are out of your comfort zone you need to have been with someone long enough to know that they can be trusted to back off when they are asked. However, when people are really drunk, I think that is when things go to far. Sometime people go to dark places when they are drinking. (Pot is different--I think that drug can actually bring out people's gentler natures.)
That being said, once you have been in a relationship a while, doing things out of your comfort zone is an act of love and you may enjoy it.

That makes perfect sense. I guess when he sobers up he'll probably not be as dark minded. At least not openly.

I personally enjoy doing stuff like this but what matters most is that you feel comfortable with the person that you're doing stuff with, and that you have good boundaries in place such as a safe word.

Yes I'd also say have a safeword if you're worried about being triggered. When you're triggered how bad does it get? Does he know what to do if you're triggered? Is there a plan in place for this? He should know all this in case something happens.
When I get triggered everything stops immediately. We have a code so he knows where my head & body is & what to do if it's really bad. Dealing with an old memory or flashback can be very difficult & needs to be addressed asap before it ruins the relationship.

Hair pulling is on a sliding scale that can be gentle all the way up to rough too so u need to know your threshold. I can't stand to have my hair pulled from the top of my scalp so it's off limits. Anywhere else, he knows is ok. So experiment.

Deep throat can take a lot of practice for both people if it doesn't come naturally for a woman...or a man. It's all about positions & angles to really get it where it's supposed to be. If you have a natural gag reflex you'll have to work on just getting over that before you go any further & that's just practice on your own. There are ways to make it work. Educate yourself on all this. Makes it easier to understand.

Slapping can very very sensual or totally freak you out. That you will have to explore where your threshold is. And I think flinching is a natural reflex especially when you don't know when it's coming. Does it have to be on your face? And what purpose will it have? What outcome is expected? This can make a big difference? I do not expect a slap on the face for punishment, but to get my attention regarding my posture or my mouthiness. Why does he wanto slap you? How will you feel?

But I think you've talked about bdsm before if I'm correct & these r all things that should be gone over before ever entering the bedroom bec so much can go wrong very quickly & then people get hurt, feelings & emotions. Have these conversations in the light of day with a clear head so you & he know your soft limits & definitely the hard limits.
Many use 3 safe words. Green, yellow, red so the other person knows where your head is & where limits are. Don't be afraid to use them.
I know some boast "I've never safeworded!" Yeah great, but I safeworded when my fingers were being crushed between a couch & a wall! It freakin hurt...& I like pain, but I didn't like this...& then we laughed about it!

Plus all these things take time to get used to. It's not like porn where everything is fantastic the first time. Talk & talk some more. Even if it's embarrassing, but you need to feel comfortable & also confident. Do you trust this person.
FWIW do you mean doggy style or backdoor.
Anyway...have fun! Protected fun lol!

Open communication, negotiation, and boundaries. Easy to say, sometimes tricky to actually do. Sorry that's all I have to suggest.

Thanks Patagonia, you're a gem!

We plan on starting off with me massaging him (he has sciatica that flares up from time to time), then it turning into a good old fashioned (and well needed for me) sexual escapade, and then he wants to try a BDSM session. I guess I also need to talk to him about protection. I already have my IUD, but he needs to wear a condom. I am going to bring this up with him tomorrow.

And I want to try Doggy style, as in he is penetrating me from behind but not in the backdoor. I mean, I'm a teeny bit curious about backdoor stuff, but I'm not ready to try it with anyone yet.

A gem!! lol that's funny! I hope that little bit helped & you guys enjoy your time together! Sounds like fun.
Agree on the condom thing unless he's carrying current paperwork.
Enjoy all the positions & experimenting!!
((Jealous!))

Okay, I'm both excited and nervous about tomorrow. I guess the first time with a boyfriend or girlfriend is going to leave a person feeling this way. My ex was a virgin when we first met and had zero experience, so I haven't had proper sex for nearly 5 years now, since I was with my first ex. By proper, I mean sex where it doesn't end up in frustration because the guy can't stay hard for more than a minute or two. I need a proper romp between the sheets and tomorrow I am going to get it. Just have to get through work today first, haha.

Doggy style is a lot of fun. It feels kinda naughty. You also usually get deeper penetration. If he holds you by the hips you can get a pretty good rhythm going.

Thanks Trying. I admit, I'm pretty much unable to fall asleep. I'm just too excited, nervous, and anxious all wrapped up together. I haven't even tried sleeping yet, the feelings bubbling within me are just that intense. Maybe I should at least try. Nothing puts the buzzkill on sex like falling asleep in the middle of it. I want to be fully awake to savor every last second of it.

Too bad it's a bit too late to take my melatonin. I get a bit groggy the next morning when I take it. Oh well, time to try sleeping. Tomorrow is a big day.

If you're a little nervous, that's a good thing. All that energy is going to make for a great ride!

He's on his way here right now. I am ready, but anxious. It's going to be a good afternoon.

We do get an update, right?

It was an awesome afternoon. A bit awkward as it was our first time with each other, but otherwise fun. He is rather thick, to be frank, and it hurt a bit when he penetrated me. He said he could barely fit all the way in, I was that tight. In fact, I'm still sore and it's been hours since he left. It honestly felt like when I lost my virginity. I'm also bleeding a bit. I can't imagine if I was a virgin how it would have happened.

I didn't mind him grabbing my hair when we did doggy style at all. I was so focused on the sensations and whatnot that when he did grab my hair, it was fine. I have a high tolerance for pain in my scalp region, so I barely felt him pull.

He brought a pair of custom made handcuffs, but apparently his wrists were too big and beefy to really wear them, so we didn't use them much, if at all. So, no BDSM session.

Wow! So glad you had fun!

For the first time I'd rather to standard stuff and then go from there. Oh and BTW if you are playing with massage oil this can break the condom. Better use water based lube

I used a body lotion for the massage. I'm still a bit sore, and do still have a tiny bit of bleeding. Any ideas on ways to make things more comfortable?

As you have sex more often it should naturally become less painful as you become more used to it. Glad you had fun!

First, as always, if you think this might be a serious medical problem, talk to your doctor (preferably a gynecologist).

Second, consider dildo training your vagina. Get a dildo that's a little thicker than you're used to. Start using it, but slowly and carefully. Graduate to bigger dildos at your own pace. This should stretch out your vagina gradually and at your own pace without having to do it while you're trying to enjoy sex with your boyfriend.

But again, remember that online advice is no substitute for proper medical consultation.

I'm looking into vaginal dilators. Basically they are a set of dildos with a tapered tip that start off small, and increase in size gradually so that you can start with a smaller one and work your way up. I'm also overdue to see my Gyno anyways, so I'll be making an appt. as soon as Tuesday rolls around as Monday is a holiday. I'm going to cover all my bases.

Ugg....feel awful...body aches, bleeding is more pronounced, breasts sore, peeing a lot, constant headache, and naseated. I'm kind of gagging and retching, but hardly anything comes up.

I'm going to Urgent Care in the morning. I don't have a home pregnancy test, in case this is a pregnancy, but I doubt it is. He withdrew and came on my chest, and at anyrate, we used a condom and I have my IUD.

I also really hope this isn't the other thing I am worried about, an STD. I'll find out in the morning at any rate.

It's going to be one long night tonight...

Just want to say thank you for the enjoyable mental images I've gotten from your post. Vicarious experience is better than none. Also, color me jealous.

OK, whoa. Sounds like an emergency room visit, not an urgent care thing. Go now!

I highly recommend to thoroughly wipe the body lotion off your hands and his ... before putting on the condom or it might actually break