[emgreen]

For starters, I'm not one of those men who complains/gets mad because his partner has lost interest in sex. Since my GF (been together 14 years) went through menopause, her libido is zero. It's been a few years since we've had sex. She says she just doesn't have those feelings anymore...not even through masturbation. While I've heard synthetic estrogen helps some women regain libido, she had fertility treatments when she was married (they use massive doses of estrogen), so her doctor said the use of estrogen for her puts her at an increased risk of cancer - which would break my heart.

I realize experiences may vary, but what have experiences been for those of you who have been through menopause? I've read that many women have an increased libido because they no longer have to worry about getting pregnant. However, asking other women about their sex lives after menopause is socially awkward/inappropriate in my opinion. I would never leave/cheat on her because our love runs deeper than sex. Lately, however, she seems like more of a best friend than a true partner.

[Shazerac]

My heart goes out to you. It really difficult for a partner when the other one's libido crashes and burns.

I don't think menopause was a direct reason that my libido went down. I think it was from the extreme depression I fell into and the antidepressants which murdered any lingering libido.

Have you talked to your girlfriend about how you feel? That you are not pressuring her but that you miss the physical intimacy? Has she seen a doctor about this? Hormones aren't the only avenue of help available. There could be physical reasons as well as mental/emotional reasons. Some doctors are even prescribing viagra off label to women to help with libido.

Some post menopausal women develop thyroid issues that mess with libido. Also I think we go through a period of mourning our youth and we feel like an old crone. Not very sexy.

For some reason my libido seems to be coming back. It's been a few years since I passed menopause. Now I view myself as more of a silver fox, than an old hag, but it took a while to get comfortable with myself.

Every woman's experience with menopause is different. Feel free to ask me any questions. I'm not shy about it. Good luck to you and your lady love.

[emgreen]

Thanks for your thoughtful response, Shazerac. Being sensitive about how I approach the subject, I have tried talking to her about it. What bothers me is she feels guilty about the fact she's not meeting my libidinous needs. I don't want her to feel guilty about it...it just is & I love her regardless. She goes to the doctor regularly & matters of thyroid or other factors haven't presented themselves - thank goodness.

Both she & I have put on a few pounds in the last 14 years, so I think body shame might be contributing...or the fact I'm getting old, fat & ugly! This might be TMI, but there have been two occasions on which I asked if she could perform oral sex on me. She declined, however; & if you think I ran & pouted you'd be wrong! She just doesn't feel anything sexual anymore. It gives me hope that your decreased libido righted itself eventually but, in the mean time, we're stuck. While I still have urges I, too, have slowed down over the years...perhaps mercifully. When I was in my 20's the crack of dawn had to be careful around me!

Have any other women had a loss of libido to the extent my girlfriend is experiencing? By the way, if you're suspecting an affair, perish the thought. We're a good team & look forward to happily growing old(-er!) together.

[Shazerac]

Getting older and putting on pounds doesn't help , true. I was always slim and trim when I was younger, but I put on some pounds when in hit middle age. Of course husband did too. We try to have a sense of humor about it.

If she's not feeling sexual at all, I agree wth you. I doubt she's having an affair. I would say just keep the lines of communication open and reassure her that you find her attractive.

[unaluna]

Do you guys hug? Maybe if you would hug, but without expecting it to lead to anything, but for a long time, i mean like months, not three days!

[emgreen]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Do you guys hug? Maybe if you would hug, but without expecting it to lead to anything, but for a long time, i mean like months, not three days!

Thanks for the tip, but we hug everyday. She's shorter than I am & I like resting my chin on the top of her head! We cuddle at night, kiss every morning when we wake up, when we leave for work, etc. We're definitely affectionate...which I'm grateful for. In other words, we have each others' backs & share our our hearts freely. Just no sex anymore.