How do i interpret my guy?

I have an issue with a man i've been txting with for over 2 years. It's been kind of an odd relationship the whole time, but I feel as though we both care about each other and enjoy keeping each other company. He is divorced, living in another woman's house, sees his 2 boys on a weekly basis and every other weekend. We basically just keep each other company by txt, and occasionally get together for--you guessed it--sex. We live 1.5 hours apart.

The issue: he has asked me a number of times if i want to "finger his butt". He has also asked me to wear a strap-on penis, and give him **** sex. He also wants **** sex with me. (He watches quite a bit of porn.) I told him a long time ago that we would have to be in a committed relationship before i would even consider something like that with him.


Well, we're still not in a committed relationship, but he keeps asking for this. When i reply "no", he gets quiet and says "don't worry about it" or "nevermind, it doesn't matter". I tell him I know this is something he really wants, i want him to be happy, and maybe he needs to get this from someone else. I thought he might be gay or bisexual, since he wants to be on the receiving end of the sex(?)

I just feel so stuck. And don't know what to do. I really like him, but we just can't seem to get past this.

Any suggestions or help is much appreciated!

The question is: are you open to these kinds of sexual acts, are you willing and interested in doing them, and if so, are you willing to stick to your rule of commitment first?

It sounds to me as though he is not respecting your boundary of commitment first by practically pouting and continuing to bring it up without a commitment.

However, a problem here is that you have mainly a sex-based relationship. You talk via text, not on the phone, you see each other only for sex when you do get together, based on your post, so he may be viewing this as purely a sexual relationship rather than a real relationship, you see?

Still, regardless, he is not picking up on your cues that you want something more, and he is still pushing for these things and not respecting your boundaries.

It is possible he is gay or bi-sexual. I had one such very similar encounter, & the guy turned out to be bi-sexual. This is not to say for certain that he is, it's just very possible.

Wanting something up you know what does not make one gay. Lol

Now I think it’s quite simple to fix. Personally I think if you don’t want something, you shouldn’t do it. If he insists, might be time to say good bye. I’d not expect commited relationship from someone you texted for two years and occasionally had sex. And if a man is interested, 1.5 hours of drive would mean nothing. Casual sex is just that. You are either ok with it or you not, but I’d not expect more.

I also wouldn’t have unprotected sex wuth him and check for STDs periodically. Be safe

I agree with others. There is no commitment and I would refuse to engage in sex anymore until there was.

Thank you all! Your thoughts are very helpful & i agree: i just needed to hear if i was missing something....

This is the first guy i've been involved with for many years--had a traumatic divorce years ago, then went to university and didn't date at all during that time. I think there are many different kinds of relationships out there now, and i really haven't been good at articulating my boundaries or my definition of "relationship" with him. i've backed away this past month, to give us both more time and space to see where this goes. We can still be friends, but the "friends with benefits" is gonna have to stop!

I think you did the right thing with the support of others - your second message sounds so much more upbeat than the first, and you are not bewildered, nor feeling taken advantage of.