sex problem....in need of opinions

im in my early 20's female. in my life i only had sex with 2 different man, the one i lost my virginity to, and my current boyfriend. in my teens i always felt turned on by touching, foreplay etc, and i was very sexual in a normal healthy way i guess. When i became sexually active things changed drastically. i never enjoyed sex with the man i lost my virginity to, i felt like i did a mistake and i never enjoyed it, it was'nt like i was in the mood for it, i just went along.

a year passed since i broke up with this bloke, and met my current bf which ive been with for 3 yrs now. i never really craved sex with him either, although at the begining of the relatioship sex didnt bothered me, and i did enjoy it. but then, time passed and its like my self esteem went down the drain, i feel inexperienced in sex, unattractive, and just not into it at all. i actually try to avoid sex. my sex drive is healthy in terms of masturbating, but when it comes to have sex with my bf i just get turned off. its frustrating me, because i know this is a problem and its upsetting my relationship.

im finding myself unable to find my bf attractive in bed, nor even me for that matters. when we do have sex i find myself crying silently sometimes, or just wishing it to end soon, because it just doesnt feel right. i dont know whats the matter with me. i have the most loving boyfriend i could have wished for, but i just dont like having sex with him, and any sexual advances he does on me they dont turn me on at all. this been going on for a year or more now.

Please some opinions?

I was there in my early 20's too. I didn't loose my virginity until 21 and then after that I just never really enjoyed it. I found myself doing the same things, crying silently, wanting it over......in my last serious relationship before my current one, I had the same feelings, not being attracted to him in bed etc.......evenutally, for me, I realized he was a good friend but I just wasn't into him romantically.

In my current relationship (I'm now 29 and have been with him for 10 months) I finally enjoy sex with him and its a fun and pleasurable experience, not the dread and gloom I experienced before.

I don't know if its the same for you, but I wanted to let you know that I was there too, that I understand.

Welcome to PC!

~Rayna

a lot of things change in your body when you become sexually active. its possible that since youre in your early 20s your hormones could be all out of whack. ive had lots of problems like you describe mentally and found out a few years into having them that I have PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome). my testosterone was too high and my estrogen was too low. so my emotions were all over the place! you might want to go to the doctor to get some blood work done just to make sure its not hormonal. if you come back all clear then maybe its just lack of attraction which doesn't make you weird. could be stress. are you in college? i know when im in school im perfectly fine with having sex once a month lol. but during the summer man, im all over it!

women's bodies are very sensitive. just about anything can throw us off, especially during child bearing age. lack of sleep, stress, even change in diet can drastically change your mood and even your bodily functions.

if you want something natural and not medication to try and help you out i would honestly try pilates. i do it 4 times a week and feel much better, mind and body. i totally understand how you feel and have felt the same way with my current boyfriend. doing things like pilates and yoga can increase your mood in a short period time and totally change your whole outlook on things. maybe youre just feeling a little blah. thats usually my problem.

Thank you both of you. it feels good to know im not the only one who experienced this.

Yes im in college, and i guess i have my stress levels. but i feel so confused. the fact is that im obsessing on the possibility that i dont love my bf, and its killing me, and obviously is making me insicure, also in bed.

I read once that a person who suffers from sexual obsession can obsess about the idea of not loving their partner and always seeing the bad in them, and eventually ruin the relationship just because its an obsession and not the real feeling. that pretty much whats happening to me. mah im confused... how can a person realize whats true and whats not?

sometimes its like things overlap on each other, and i loose track. i have issues in my life right now, mainly some level of anxiety and i think repressed anger. i dont know if its playing a part in this. i can't really speak to anyone about my feelings, im embarrassed and just scared to open up. im an introverted person when it comes to my emotions... *sigh* and this sex thing is stressing me even more.

maybe you are just not into him? I know that has played a part on some of my past relationships before.

I was thinking about the things that dampen my sex urges and
immediately thought of alcohol. I read the first comment
to your question by the woman who experienced your same
problem with things getting better with her current bf.
Then i noticed that she was off alcohol for over a thousand
days and counting. Since moderate social drinking is so
much apart of things people overlook it like
it isn't there. Alcohol is a funny thing in that it
has a drying effect making you thirsty and at the same time
is retained in the body making you bloated. Coffee can
have that same effect. It dehydrates causing you to want
more. They both have a drying effect and both are addictive.

The other thing that kills my sex urge is sleeping pills and
other prescriptive medicine. I threw all of it out.