[ginniesky]

i am kind of embarressed to ask this or talk about it but i am going to try. i was wondering if it is possible to have a loving sexual relationship after years of sexual abuse... at the moment i am single but i hope to someday get married again... and have never had a normal loving sexual relationship. i get totally disgusted when anything turns sexual.... i wont gross you out with details but i guess i was just wondering if there is hope of being able to be intimate with someone i love and actual being there in the moment instead of numb and distant..... your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[bananasarecool]

(((ginniesky)))
first off, dont be embarassed. nobody heres gonna judge you and im sure many women (or men) have been through similar things.
tbh i havent really been through what you have.. i was assaulted by a friends brother.. and i havent had a completely happy relationship since.. because i took whoever would have me. i felt disgusting. i didnt know these guys well in the first place. i got hurt and i can say id be a million times happier if i didnt rush into things.. i dont count them as real boyfriends now, because i didnt really like them.
just make sure you know who you're with. know that theyre not in it for sex or to screw with you. get to know them. take things slowly. if you feel you can, tell him about whats happened, or tell him that youve had some bad stuff happen to you and you need to take it slow. if hes worth it, he'll understand.
hope it gets better for ya hun. it will.

x

[bebop]

I agree with the poster to take things slowly. do tell your partner your fears and what happened at some point. make sure he is understanding and is willing to take time but yes I think really you can have a really good intimate relationship at some point. just please know that not all men are like the ones in the past. the past is in the past and nothing you or anyone can do will change that but you can move past it. it does take alot of work but it can happen. good luck hon.

[Lenny]

I agree with the counsel of bananna and bebop...

With some good therapy and a patient partner,,,you can have anthing you wish...

Be honest with both..

With care,

Lenny

[notz]

T. told me that intimacy is like driving a beautiful and powerful sports car across the usa from town-to-town. Lots of starts and stops, some fast and furious, some smoothe as silk. Sleep when you're tired, eat when you're hungry and just enjoy the journey.

I talk about my fears when they need to be discussed. With time and the right person, I was able to let the wall down. Even after 18 years, the wall goes back up sometimes! But I'm fortunate to have someone who cares and wants things to be good for me.