Orgasm and vibrators...

Okay, here it goes....I am new here, so let me know if this needs to go somewhere else...

I have a problem that has been present almost all of my sexual life, but I am just now addressing it. I CANNOT have an orgasm unless I am using a vibrator and a dildo. Not by way of masterbation, not by intercourse, nothing. I had sex the first time when I was 16 and started using the vibrator at 17. (I am now almost 34, so this has been a long time) I can remember having one orgasm before that during intercourse, and have had maybe two by intercourse since.
I was married at age 18 and never had much interest in sex with my husband because of marital problems, I just wasn't interested, so the occasional orgasm by vibrator wasn't really an issue for me. I just knew that was the only way I could do it. I am since divorced and with the greatest man on earth. My sexual appetite has returned, and he is very supportive of me. He wants me to finish every time we have sex, and is willing to use the vibrator, but I am now finding it's harder and harder to achieve even by my old faithful method. I'm getting frustrated and I find that I am wanting more and more to be able to orgasm during intercourse with him.
I have read a couple of books on the subject...but am skeptical as to whether thier methods will work for me... (if it were as easy as get on top, masterbate and fanticize I would have done that long ago)
Has anyone else conquered this problem? I'm worried that it's been this way so long that it's irreversible. My boyfriend suggests that we throw away the toys but I'm actually terrified to do that. I'm worried I'll never have an orgasm again!! help!!!

maybe alot and I do mean alot of soft gentle foreplay. I know the more I am relaxed the easier it is to orgasm during actual sex.

I agree with Bebop...foreplay is very essential for sex and to achieve orgasm. Get extremely turned on, then have sex.....

that's just it, we are NOT lacking in the foreplay department either. I'm extremely attracted to him, and love him deeply, so I dont think it's an arousal issue.

From what I have learned of the sexual brain we train our brain how to function sexually and to what, therefore, I think you may have unknowingly trained your mind/body to orgasm via the use of a vibrator "at your hand not his"..... which may mean that you will have to give up (for the moment) the use of your toy in order to retrain your brain to function sexually with a person.

What do you think about that? - it worked for me, and I can now use both.

Interesting...there is another thread going about a guy having trouble orgasming during intercourse. True what Rhapsody says, we get accustomed to a particular stimulus and sometimes lose our response to other things. In particular, vibrators can be awfully intense...you could be losing the sensitivity you need for intercourse. I doubt that's permanent, though. My guess is you can turn this around.

I'll chime in on that...vibrators can desensitize the clitoris. I also agree that you can be used to a particular method and you can program your brain to accept other ways.

Focus on the journey!

I just finished a book over the weekend called the Elusive Orgasm...and it makes the same suggestion as you Rhapsody that it may be a mental block for me....
It also lines out a 4 month step by step "program" to retrain my mind and body....I think I'm going to give it a try, I'm scared it won't work but I'm trying to stay positive...I mean what have I got to lose? it also says that the negative thinking that I "can't" will keep me from it as well. we'll see how it goes.

what about for first time orgasms... how did people achieve theirs?
I mean, vibrators first, masturbation, sex.... just curious, and maybe has something to do with it all dunno *hides*