[Berries]

I'm 42 years old and have never been in love. I don't even think I'm capable. Not mature enough probably. And now I am not even the slightest bit interested in ever having a romantic relationship for the rest of my life.
Yes, I've been in lots romantic relationships and lots of sex. Plenty. However the last two were both long and both abusive. The last one was very abusive, and sexually too. So, that's why I am not interested in relationships or sex. No drive at all. I've been single three years and I don't see that changing.
Anyway, I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I've lived my whole life without that kind of love. It seems a waste. Like a life less lived or something.
And ashamed I am too immature to be capable of it.
Still not interested though.
Actually, not interested in friendship either. My people phobia is in HIGH gear.
But cyber friends are great!!!

[sadly_me]

((((hugs))))

first, forgive me if i don't make much sense. i'm highly medicated.

i too, at 33, have never been in love. i was never even in a relationship till last year. we tried being sexual but he said i wasn't ready. imagine being told by a man that even though your 33 your not READY to have sex!!! what the f's up with that?! i was always afraid i wouldn't be able to connect on an emotional level. but to my suprise i did. now that the relationship is over - couldn't handle dealing with my mental issues! i find myself wanting another relationship...yeah, whatever. somepeople are meant to be alone.

that probably wasn't very supportive. i'm sorry. but i'm drugged out of my mind at the momment.

good luck

[selfy]

Anyway, I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I've lived my whole life without that kind of love. It seems a waste. Like a life less lived or something.

my dear, youve been convinced by the media that to be a worthwhile person you have to be in a relationship.
you do not need a partner to be happy, and you do not need to want a relationship.

i believe that the media likes to give off the idea that you fail if you dont have a partner, which is false.
give yourself some time. dont be too hard on yourself.
abusive relationships are hard to get over, and its not immaturity that stops you falling in love, its normal. i would expect it almost.

i cant say i have experienced anywhere near as bad as you, but even i was scared of relationships for a long time.

if you wish to have a relationship, but dont feel ready, you can try to work on it, but dont feel like a failure or a waste if you dont get there. its not nessascary to live happily.
you sound like a good person anyway, you just need to find whats right for you, to make u feel good.
take care.

[Slothrop]

You sound sorta depressed, like you're still struggling with recovery from past bad experiences...that can take time. And being depressed will definitely interfere with love, I think. No need to be ashamed. You've probably got lots of time left...you never know how you may change. Nothing wrong with being single, either.

[clara0clear0eyes]

i could be way,way off base or just projecting but here's my two cents.
tell me what you think.

first thing i thought is there's a lot more going on here than what you are saying. if you read between the lines . . .what will you find? i am sure you are scared of the answer. probably even unsure of the answer. but if you feel that something is wrong then maybe it means that something is actually wrong. its not about the romantic relationship with someone else its what it says about you. if you choose to never "fall in love" that is good and perfectly acceptable as long as it is your choice. as long as you make a conscious decision that that is what fulfills you, what you need. but it seems to me you have not completed the process and that you arent even sure of the outcome. i think you should find that personally unacceptable if it is of great concern to you. (if this is all just passing fancy - then you know you'll be okay) but if its not . . .

i think you have a fear of vulnerability - and not just by a little bit. i think you cope with this by not dealing with it. how else could you have gotten to be in your 40's and not dealt with it?
i only say these things because i am in my 30's and i have a big time fear of vulnerability and i have not dealt with it. (like i said, forgive me if i'm projecting). but if im not im just telling it like i want someone to tell me because i dont want to live the rest of my life being patted on the back and told, "its okay, its okay," when ive got this sneaking suspicion that its not. when my gut tells me that its not. does any of this sound like you?

i am considering therapy (for the umpteenth time in my life). maybe this time itll take. i dont want to know why im mixed-up but then on the other hand i do. i want to know if it will help me become the person i want to be, get closer to the person i want to be. does any of that sound like you?

i hope you find some answers.
(hell, i hope i find some answers)
forgive me if i was out-of-line. and if you need to tell me i was out-of-line i can accept that. (from YOU, not everyone else on here, okay - i already know some of you are probably going ballistic. my apologies to you as well)
its just that life is too short. i figure we ought to get down to the business of living it. i know i need to. i do believe in the golden rule. i want to see you live fully as much as i want to see it for myself.

sincerely,
clara