[Rhapsody]

My husband has not been performing oral sex on me that much with in the last five years or so and I just found out why today.... therefore, I was wondering if any other woman has had this happen or if other men have ever felt the same way.

My husband tells me that since he has aged (44) that he no longer looks at oral as a pleasurable thing - and the reason being is that he now views the vaginal area as a some what untidy place to be putting ones mouth... being that we, the female, urinate from there and we have our monthly cycle from there - not to mention all the health issues that can arise in that area.

What happened to the thrill and excitement that use to come to my man performing oral sex on me.... I so miss it.
Oh well, ... at least I got twenty years of it.

[deliquesce]

..err? does he expect you to perform oral sex on him?

i have never been comfortable with it myself, personally (both giving and receiving) but it is odd that his perceptions have changed after 20 years.

[bebop]

my hubby doesn't do it much either anymore. no idea why though. I know I miss it.

[I_WMD]

mmmmmmmmmmmm???? Did anything else happen or become evident around the same time ?
i.e. ,,, His or Yours feelings of self worth , death of a close relative , some mean or hateful words exchanged ........?

The psyche can be fragile and each ones ability to bounce back and blow off [ lol ] the B.S. of life ,,, and not dwell so much on ONE thing in life ,, can reflect in other places of relationships .

Communication is difficult , when one or the other is always in " poor me " mode . Topic usually drifts back to the one who just has no clue how to put ALL things into perspective .

WMD.hehe ,, sometimes we just need to LIGHTEN UP !!!!

[Brian37]

I consistently dine at the Y for my wife....although her rate of reciprocation is no where near the time I spend with her va-jay-jay....

she complains her mouth is small and im on the upper echelon of penis size ( no applause neccessary )

I enjoy watching her as I perform and definitley gets her going....I just wish I could ejaculate during sex...but thats another whole issue

[Rhapsody]

No I cannot think of any thing that happened around the time his liking for giving oral sex started to fade way... and no he does not expect me to perform oral sex on him if I don't want to - he says it is my choice (which I like to do btw) - I just hate that I no longer get to enjoy a part of sex that I really like and that his sex drive is less (once every two weeks).

[Maven]

Okay, I am not saying he should perform something that is distasteful to him, but I am saying he should explore (maybe in therapy, maybe just with you, but you should be part of this exploration either way) why he feels the vagina is dirty. The vagina is a self-cleaning gadget. The vulva (the outside of the vagina, and the area around it) can be cleaned with a washcloth and some soap and water. Even if he doesn't want to mess around when you're on your period, afterwards, once you've bathed or showered, I don't see the problem. Urine is sterile, but again, easily cleaned off. Men can get health issues in the genital area, too. What if you got a gyno exam and it came back clean and negative? Then, what's the argument?

I just don't buy that it's his age. I've known and heard of lots of guys who are his age and older who love to go down south.

[Rhapsody]

I wouldn't say its his age alone..... he says since he is older (less horny) that the vaginal area just does have the same pull (thrill) that it had when he was young and in his twenties..... when giving oral sex was the bomb and he was naive to the medical issue / risk that could occur.

He still likes to touch and feel (even use sex toys) - he just doesn't like to put his mouth down there any more... and if he does its a very rare occasion... say once every 6 months.

[50guy]

Well I perfer to give my wife oral and I'm over 50 and I like to recieve too.

We are still very sexual....even moreso than when we where younger.

She is still HOT! Nice Body, good looking, guys still flirt with her, and is very active physically, just like me.

[thelionkinglives]

Originally Posted by 50guy

Well I perfer to give my wife oral and I'm over 50 and I like to recieve too.

We are still very sexual....even moreso than when we where younger.

She is still HOT! Nice Body, good looking, guys still flirt with her, and is very active physically, just like me.

Umm, I know I don't have much to add here that can help...I still love it, but then again I'm 33. Has he started new meds in this time
I know some meds can mess with a mans sex drive. When I started anxiety meds I went through a period where I would go 2 weeks without interest & had problems finishing which made my wife feel like she was doing something wrong...so I avoided more often. Eventually though my body adjusted. Which I must say was a good thing about not working or being in school & being snowed in all winter, so it atleast made me feel useful.

[Rhapsody]

Thank for the reply 50guy..... and while your bragging rights are justified I don't think they are doing any thing to help me out of the slum I'm in -

BUT - its good to hear that your sex life is all that you want it to be...

[sky dancer]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

I wouldn't say its his age alone..... he says since he is older (less horny) that the vaginal area just does have the same pull (thrill) that it had when he was young and in his twenties..... when giving oral sex was the bomb and he was naive to the medical issue / risk that could occur.

He still likes to touch and feel (even use sex toys) - he just doesn't like to put his mouth down there any more... and if he does its a very rare occasion... say once every 6 months.

It sounds like he's almost developed a phobia about oral sex.

[Locust]

Many people really do find oral sex disgusting because the thought of putting their mouth on what we are told is a dirty place, bothers them- also the urine, blood, and potential infections your husband mentioned might also further this idea. Also, it is true that a higher sex drive might make certain things seem less disgusting and more appetizing, (can't spell)- and perhaps his age or medication is messing with his libido, causing him to think of the "ick" factor more, and it has nothing at all to do with you. However, as far as the risk factor, many people may not know that urine is actually extremely sterile, your menstrual blood is prob. only carrying the same diseases that you would pass through other sexual fluids during regular sex (such as healthy vaginal discharge), and infections carry tell tale signs that can be spotted. Also, your genitals, I am told, are cleaner than your mouth, which is supposedly the nastiest place on your body. If you have hpv in your genital region, I do believe it can migrate to your partner's throat, but they should be able to test you for that, and since it's an std, and you've been with him so long, chances are, he'd have that already, anyway, if you did.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by Locust

it is true that a higher sex drive might make certain things seem less disgusting and more appetizing, (can't spell)- and perhaps his age or medication is messing with his libido, causing him to think of the "ick" factor more, and it has nothing at all to do with you.

That is what I have been thinking.... and that is what I meant when I said "his age" maybe the main factor here - his testosterone level seem low and are effecting his sex drive already.... going from three times a week down to one time every two weeks over the last few years... to what we have now - the lack of him wanting to give oral sex - that which was hot a sexy when he had lots of testosterone to spare in the good old days.

And I am not trying to figure out the why so much here and to see how other women have dealt with this issue as well as how the men felt if and when this took place with them.... a little FYI for Me.

I am appreciative of the twenty good years we had sexually.... and oh what years they were.

[anand213]

hi,
I am a 39 year old male marrid for the last 10 years.What you have said about your husband disliking oral sex with you now does not sound as strange to me.In my opinion,sex [in your case,oral sex]is like many other things in life which we lose interest in time and again.But it is not permanent..oral sex is perhaps most intimate part of sex between the two partners,and though he may not find it very passionate today,he will certainly come back to enjoying it.It happens with me too..Though I am very mad of doing oral on my wife[which she never has been doing on me],sometimes I just desist.For humble suggestion,you would be knowing whether he likes it shaven or hairy..keep it in the position he generally likes[anyway,for oral better if you keep it shaven],just wash it properly before coming to bed and let her feel that you have washed it..you may use some light perfume or deodorant or aftershave..you may suggest starting your foreplay with licking i.e.before you are all wet..

[Perna]

I know for me and my husband, we're overweight and older and I personally don't enjoy getting into "position" :-) and assume it's probably even a bit harder for an older guy. I think I'm much pickier about cleanliness issues than he is though, we have so many cracks and crevices that I could see that "spontaneous" acts could get a bit less enjoyable/appetizing over the years as libido changes. You all have a shower big enough to take showers in together; that might help? That and then some room temp drizzled chocolate in strategic places afterward? ;-)

[JS1scuba]

If his testosterone level is low he can get injections for a month and it will all come back. But there seems to be more to this than just that.

Get back to being his girlfriend not his wife expecting oral sex. You know how to do it. Make it happen. Don't over analyze it.

Cheers
JDS

[Maven]

Get back to being his girlfriend not his wife expecting oral sex. You know how to do it. Make it happen. Don't over analyze it.

Can she get a second wedding ring out of this deal?

[Rhapsody]

Amen! - I hear you on the new ring thing.... but in all honesty I have to wait until we have been married 50 years for that honor.... and man its going to be bigger than the first.

[JS1scuba]

Originally Posted by Maven

Can she get a second wedding ring out of this deal?

The old saying ....... how do you get a guy to stop having sex ? Marry him. How do you get him started again ..... buy him a power saw.

Husbands and wives seem to fall into the trap of forgetting romance. Seduction is the key to getting pretty much whatever you want in the sack. But that seduction starts early in the day and might need to go on for a few days to build it to where the tension is just right for the actions to happen.

Considering that I have no idea what his performance on intercourse is its quite possible that oral sex is her only method of orgasm. That might be a cause of his anxiety or disengagement. He might feel inadequate, especially if he likes intercourse. As we age the methods of intimate interaction need to be modified more into a giving mode than a receiving. And once that is done the back and forth will work well.

I'm sure if she wants a new ring he will get her whatever she wants.

Cheers
JDS

[Maven]

Why should you have to wait 50 years? How about a new ring every year? One must keep up with the latest styles, even in jewelry, after all!

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by Maven

Why should you have to wait 50 years? How about a new ring every year? One must keep up with the latest styles, even in jewelry, after all!

Oh - I do get other jewelry and they are greatly to my liking..... but I am talking about a new wedding set all together - I will be happy and content with the set that got us through the first 50 years and then I will receive a bigger and better wedding set for the next 50 years we are together.... he will get a new ring as well.... a symbol of our undying love and commitment to each other - until death do us part.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by JS1scuba

The old saying ....... how do you get a guy to stop having sex ? Marry him. How do you get him started again ..... buy him a power saw.

Husbands and wives seem to fall into the trap of forgetting romance. Seduction is the key to getting pretty much whatever you want in the sack. But that seduction starts early in the day and might need to go on for a few days to build it to where the tension is just right for the actions to happen.

AMEN! -

Oh how I wish your train of thought would get in my husbands mind and stay there, for it is usually me that keeps the passion and seduction alive in our marriage after twenty-three years while hubby has turned more into a man that waits until he wants sex to be friendly or seductive and that is about once every two weeks.... and that just doesn't do it for me - I want (need) smiles touches kisses words of endearment through out the week to be ready to jump in the sack when he's ready on the weekend.

What can I say - when he wants it he will do what he needs to get it, but when he is not in the mood it is me that suffers - thank goodness for adult toys tucked ever so nicely away in a pretty pink (zipper) pillow.

I am starting to think this is what life becomes for a married couple after they have been together for twenty-six years.... life changes, health issues start, stress grows and hormones are depleted.... but the end the inner love remains.

Well ..... at least he still touches me there.

[bearchic34]

yeah Rasp, it doesn't make any sense that out of the blue he decided he doesn't like it. Me thinks you need to dig deeper into his psychie to find the answer. I know I prefer to give rather than receive but it's my own self esteem that causes that. Perhaps he feels he's not 'doing it' for you any more? There is so many new gadgets and gizmo's and so much emphesis on it anymore that maybe he just feels he's just not as adapt at it anymore...~ponders~ but if it's that important you really need to keep talking and find a compromise....

Oh and shinry things....I have bought myself a couple new sets o wedding rings. upgrading to a bigger set each time. I looked at it this way, he has to upgrade every time a new game system comes out so why shouldn't I be able to....

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by bearchic34

Yeah Rasp, it doesn't make any sense that out of the blue he decided he doesn't like it.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Oh NO - it hasn't been just out of the blue.... as stated in my first post this has happened "over the last five years" - its been a slow progress to none at all..... thats why I made this thread - I wanted to know how other females have dealt with this issue or what our fellow male members had to say on the subject.

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

My husband has not been performing oral sex on me that much with in the last five years or so