[aura3271]

Hi:
I'm 59 now, but when I way 12 my mother tried to stab me to death. She was a heroin addict and prostitute and my dad by name was in prison. I was born a heroin baby. I don't know why or what I did wrong that my mother would try to kill me by stabbing repeatedly. Luckily i got away an hid under a big pile of dirty clothes. weeks later when I got out of the hospital I was told I would never have to see her again. Later I found out she spent 2 years in a physic hospital. She died a few years ago and I'm just started to be able to sleep at night without worry if she is going to come back and try to kill me again. This morning I read in the paper that another mother had tried to kill her 10 year old daughter. Why and do they have to put this in the newspaper, now I'm scared all over and spent the day hiding in my bathroom. I know my mother is dead so why can't i just get past it? I know my mother was a prostitute and my dad was in prison, but I have tried to live a good life, I have never been arrested I pay my taxes is it because I'm the son of 2 bad people that i deserve this. I'm just so tired of trying to pay for their debts to society.

[Perna]

I'm sorry you had such a horrible childhood! When we are that young, our experiences aren't very many and what few we have, loom large in our psyches. A major "part" of your life was this incident of your mother trying to stab you to death. It's hard to have to use the word "mother" with all it's connotations of love and care and nurturing, etc. when one's experience is the exact opposite! That's not something that can change easily, if at all; I imagine you have some stiff post traumatic stress going with those memories being so important.

I'm really really sorry the other mother and her problems remind you so strongly of what you were finally feeling better about, knowing your mother is dead. It must be hard thinking "any" mother similar to yours might come after you.

I think if I were in your situation I would try to make some really good friends. I would join a group(s) or have roommates I enjoyed, try to surround myself with "good" people I felt safe around so they could help me reassure myself when I wasn't as able to.

[Manipulated-Minds]

Wow, poor dear. Do you have a partner or anyone that you can reach out to? I'm sorry all of this has happened to you. Nobody deserves to go through that kind of torture.

[Shadowghost]

Aura, no one deserves to be treated as you were. Your mother and father may have been terrible people, but you are not them! Stop giving them power over you. You deserve to be happy, concentrate on that.

[Nupoet64]

Aura, you are a wonderful being and no one has the right to treat another in such a fashion, especially a parent. I do NOT believe children are born bad or evil. You have tried to live as a good man, then you are a good man.
The little boy is the one who is scared adn having a hard time. I hope you have someone close that you trust and I hope you are in therapy. If not, that is where I would start. It really does sound like PTSD. Please take care of yourself, you deserve it...as much as any other person walking this earth.
I hope you can find some relief and peace from the fear. and many safe !!!