[shezbut]

Basically, my parents and I hate each other in these bad dreams. Particularly my mother and I.

In reality, I stopped seeing and talking with my parents a few months ago (hoping that it would help with these chronic nightmares). That hasn't worked for me so far. Instead, the nightmares are very consistent. Night after night.... my nightmares consist of tornadoes, chaos, misunderstandings, and lots of tension between me and all of my family.

I know that I need to accept my childhood. I need to accept my family. The big problem is despite the emotions I'm obviously battling with inside, I'm fighting against the acceptance. I cannot reason why. I just am. What can I do to make myself accept the past already so I can move on?

[the lone wolf]

accepting the past and moving on is a really tough thing to do. you have to remember that it happened and there is nothing you can do to change it. dont let your past control your future. i did and it nearly destroyed me. remember that your family loves you and will always be there for you.
as for the dreams that might be do to a lack of communication. maybe you should call your mom today and just talk.

[shezbut]

I think that a big part of me is angry.

Angry that I've never really gotten a sincere apology. Instead, "I'm sorry that you don't remember much of the happiness from your childhood and only remember the hard times." Or, "I'm sorry that you remember your childhood as being so painful."

Is it just me, or is that not acknowledging the pain that I've actually gone through?? Not a simple apology that they made mistakes. That's what I'd like to hear! Or, "sorry that your childhood felt so lonely and chaotic to you." That would acknowledge the pain that I have gone through & that they recognize it. That feels very important to me and my parents seem to be very against admitting their mistakes & the results. By not recognizing, it feels as though it's being denied.

I don't like it! And I just can't see accepting them until they actually can acknowledge my pain. Yes, it is my responsibility to let go of the pain and resentment. But, I need them to recognize that they played a large part in my pain. That's all ~ not kiss my heiny. I DON'T want that! I just want recognition.

[the lone wolf]

You're right. thats not a good enough appology, but you cant sit around waiting for the perfect appology. i dont know you and i dont know what your childhood was like and i know that nothing i can say or do can change that but i also had a tough childhood. maybe the both of us just need to accept who our parents are and move on. i accepted that my father is selfish and am trying to move on from what he did to me. im not saying that its gonna be easy to do, but if you dont think you can fix it you have to move on. if you want to try and fix it maybe you can try a therapist with your parents as a group. maybe having someone outside of the situation there might help.

[natashika]

i can really understand the frustration around your situation. i would urge you to continue to seek your peace while your parents are alive if at all possible. i have horrible nightmares around issues with my grandparents who raised me every single night since they died 5 years ago. i have no idea how to deal with it. good luck and please update with any success. thanks