Kind of disturbing...

Last night I was really depressed. I thought about suicide so much that I dreamed about it. I dreamed that I was with all the people from my school, but our school was in this big building by a huge, beautiful lake. However, I was separate from most of the other kids, I was kept with special/troubled/whatever-you-want-to-call-them students and all I really remember about it is there was a rope in the room (I had been thinking about hanging myself before I went to sleep). And the other students I was with had depression like me. There were other kids at the lake too, not with our school, and they were all there because they were suicidal. There was a big cliff by the lake that some girl had tried to hang herself from, and some kid tried jumping off of, but they both ended up ok. Then the dream kinda went off track and we went out on a boat and stuff... But that's not related. I just found it creepy that I had dreams about suicidal people, I've never had a dream related to my depression before. And I just had to share it with someone. Thanks for reading.

It happens from time to time.

Dreams like this can be troubling, but it most likely is just caused by your thoughts and how you felt before you fell asleep. I don't think you have to worry about dreams like this becoming normal, because if you've dealt with depression for a while without dreams that are related to it, then I doubt it will turn into a reoccurring thing.

Some of my dreams have a depressing side to them, but, like you, I generally don't have ones that relate directly to my depression. I can only think of 3 or 4 dreams from the past couple years, and believe me, they disturbed me just as much. They're not fun.

I see this as kind of reassuring, actually? The other kids are struggling like you are, you are not alone and the girl and the kid who tried hanging themselves or jumping off the cliff "ended up ok". I think you are telling yourself that you are not alone, will take care of yourself (your having the dream is trying to help you) and will be okay.

Water in dreams often means emotions so going out on the boat was probably very much related to the first dream. If you are depressed, you are dampening your emotions. I'm very interested in what happened in/with the boat?

Well one of my teachers took me out on the lake in the boat and we had a good time but when he would go fast, he kept accidentally flipping the front of the boat way up in the air and catapulting me back into the water. This happened twice I think, he was very apologetic about it. Kind of a strange thing to dream... It was scary, but fun.
But last night I dreamed about cutting myself. The depressed kids I mentioned who were isolated with me all cut too, and the teachers with us were trying to keep us under control and we all kind of lost it and started cutting ourselves. But the setting had changed, instead of a big open white room we had walls like big cages, and it was darker and scary. It was smaller too.
Weirdly, I woke up this morning shaking. It was scary, that's never happened to me before. And the dream wasn't a nightmare, it wasnt very scary, it hardly bothered me at all while I was dreaming it. But as I was waking up, that time when your kind of half awake, I was shaking uncontrollably like I was really cold. But when I woke up, my room was comfortably warm. Do you know what could have caused this???

I have experienced shaking in my sleep as well. It feels like I am cold but it is not cold. That is stress and your body is reacting to your thoughts while you sleep. When we are uncertain about ourselves and life in general anxiety and depression can go hand in hand. Your brain is trying to sort out your feelings while you sleep, that is what our brains actually do, problem solve when we sleep.

I can see you have an artistic quality to you, and your VERY young yet. I know that you probably don't know these musicians but Billy Joel and Elton John went through some very tough times when they were younger and had SI thoughts even. They both say they struggled but are glad they never acted on their thoughts.

The teen years are very difficult because there is so much growth and body and hormal changes taking place. PLEASE, whatever you do, keep in mind that you WILL progress through these years of uncertainty about self identy, successes, sense of feeling lost etc. Keep the music in your life, it is good food for your soul.

(((((HUGS))))

Open Eyes