[BlueInanna]

My dream this morning sucked. i was somewhere, i think at a boyfriend's parents' house. The room for us to stay in was not big, had a large bed. there were large and small spiders covering the walls, and the bed. I'm not a fan of spiders, fyi.

in the dream, i didn't know i was dreaming, but was telling myself this can't be real. i turned around and shut my eyes and heard the bed sheets going on the bed, i got in the bed, put an energy field around myself to keep them away and fell asleep, was very tired.

so still in the dream, i sleep for a bit and wake up to see the spiders everywhere again, wake up the bf to ask if he sees them or am i seeing things because this can't be real. it's now my current bf and he wants me to be quiet and quit complaining, it was terrifying so i began to argue with him to please help and look around to see if he can see all the spiders and get rid of them.

but that's all i remember.

[tigerlily84]

How interesting. I had a dream about spiders once, too. Very similar to yours. I am not a fan of spiders either, btw. But don't you think it's strange that you didn't get up and run from the room? That's what I would do in real life. What do you think the spiders symbolize? I think it's very telling that you shut your eyes instead of leaving that room. Did he see the spiders eventually?

[BlueInanna]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

How interesting. I had a dream about spiders once, too. Very similar to yours. I am not a fan of spiders either, btw. But don't you think it's strange that you didn't get up and run from the room? That's what I would do in real life. What do you think the spiders symbolize? I think it's very telling that you shut your eyes instead of leaving that room. Did he see the spiders eventually?

Yea, good idea to get the hell out of there lol. Leaving the room didn't seem to be an option and didn't cross my mind. And thanks for replying.

No he didnt help me with the spiders, I don't know if he saw them or not, but he did not think there was any big deal.

Maybe it's how I feel trapped and alone in my mental illness, and he doesn't get it or want to hear about it and can't help me?

I don't know if he symbolizes him or some part of me...

There were no webs, which I was wondering about, cuz webs probably mean somethin in addition to the spiders ... just spiders covering entire walls, and then clumps of what looked like spider eggs. Yuck!!!

[medkev13]

First, apologies for not being on and responding sooner. Life has been about two weeks of holding my breath, so it's not exactly been fun x_x

The spiders are your animus, the masculine side of yourself and the primal... Though since there are two major male figures included, I'd say more primal than gender based. Since you dislike spiders to begin with these are negative aspects about yourself...about your core self...that you dislike. You attribute the spiders to a hallucination. This backs up the concept that you link them to your mental illness. Everybody else in the dream is apathetic to your dilemma. How does that relate to you? The people are all you, typically related to traits you perceive as shared between you and the person you're dreaming of. How are these traits keeping you apathetic toward your own inner dilemmas? In the end, you are seeking the validation of someone else regarding your own problems. Are you taking this outlook with your therapist? Are you taking this outlook in general? The irony in the dream is that while you're seeking others to validate your fears in the dream, you are doing exactly what you need to do in the waking world unwittingly - you need to seek the validation from within yourself.

[BlueInanna]

thanks kev this is really interesting. hope you're ok now btw!

so... i've had to be "the man" in raising my children, in my business, in all aspects of my life where there were things i'd expected to have a man, a partner helping me.

and i think i'm horrible at it. i only want to be the woman, and create life and beauty. i'm giving and nurturing to a fault. my bf calls me a softie and push-over. people tell me i haven't raised my kids right, i wasn't tough enough on them.

my bipolar makes me very emotional. i think my male side is stern and steady and disciplined - traits i would say bf has, traits i know i don't have. i don't think my male side likes overly female nor my emotional and creative traits.

it's like he/me is being stern with me, wanting to get on track with providing for my family, to control my emotions, leaving me alone in a room with scary spiders to show me that nobody else is going to do it for me.

i don't think i like this animus guy!! am i supposed to? how do i integrate this?

[medkev13]

I'd say that since you have the demand for being masculine in much of your life, that would be the major issue confronted in the dream. The thing with assimilation is, you don't have to make this shadow a greater part of yourself. You simply have to face it, accept that it is part of you, and ask yourself why you don't like this part of you. Here we have a secondary conflict, though - that you seek somewhere to achieve a balance and are getting apathy in its place. Masculine and feminine traits both hold the possibility for being "good". The key is to know when to let that part of you out.

So first, acknowledge that this masculine image is part of you. You couldn't be where you are in your career without it.

Second, ask why this part of you is such a bad thing. Where do you want to be less male and more of a woman?

Third, you might consider asking yourself what -you- consider masculine and what -you- consider feminine. This can be a big help in establishing what parts of yourself can be allowed to show their face and when.