Sexual dream about my therapist

I posted this in the transference thread, but I'm going to edit it a bit here to add the more nebulous things because I think that might help to help reach a conclusion.

I was crushing on my therapist a little while back. The interesting thing about this was that I really didn't find myself sexually attracted which was weird. I had all these lovey dovey feelings, but no fantasies.

I had a dream today when I laid down for a nap. Before I laid down for my nap I had checked with him to see if I could be worked in for an appointment today. I called out of work due to some anxiety issues and thought while all of this was on my mind if he could work me in I'd go. But he couldn't. He thanked me for my "letter." I had emailed him about some stuff from last session AND my feelings of transference making sure to mention that I did not want to jump his bones. I think that's what made admitting it easier. That I could say that for all these feelings I'm not looking at you this way. Well THAT went out the window!

I like trying to analyze especially beyond the OBVIOUS. We can all come to the same conclusion if I say I had a dream about sex with my therapist but it's all the other stuff that perplexes me. Going to BOLD the weirdness.

He comes to my house. Maybe checking in on me? I don't remember. I know we were sitting on my couch, in what should be my home though I don't recognize it.

He doesn't LOOK like himself in the dream - at least not at first. He looks younger and Asian. Don't particularly have a thing for Asian guys, nor anything against them either so if he wasn't going to look like himself I don't know why that happened.

Also I'm running around the house DOING stuff and he's talking to me, keeping up. At one point he had leaned in kind of close and said, "I feel the same way." I hadn't said anything so that HAD to be a reference to my email. But since it wasn't crystal clear and it freaked me out I figured I'd just ignore it.

One time as I got up off my couch I realized I was in my underwear. Reality is if I have no company at home there's a very good chance I'll be in my underwear and a t-shirt. Noticing I was in my underwear sort of freaked me out, but I didn't want to SEEM like it bothered me so I just stayed that way.

Later we're sitting on the couch again and he leans over and kisses me and I kiss him back. Not as perfect as I would like a kiss to be (go figure and here we are in a dream), but decent.

At some point I know I start crying. I'm crying in one way because it feels like I want it, crying in another way because I know if I go there it will mess up my relationship with the one guy who is in a position to help me and crying also because he went there and would put me in this position. I honestly just didn't know what to do.

Then there's some lunacy of him hiding my couch. (It needed to be moved for emergency personnel - pretty sure we were sitting on the couch in the street at one point, and he put it on the back porch to get it out of the way.) Thing is when I'm looking for it, for the longest time he didn't tell me he moved it. I was trying to figure out who would STEAL my couch and why. He KNEW I was looking for it and didn't tell me. When I found it, he didn't make a big deal out of it like he was joking, nor did he seem like he forgot. It just went completely unacknowledged.


Prior to the him kissing me, the closest I had done to anything is we were coming back from somewhere and I rested my head on his shoulder as we walked. There was, as there always is, a comfort being around him.

Then his family shows up. His mom and dad. If I recall correctly they were rather welcoming to me like they knew me. But mom was frazzled about his....cousin? Sister? Someone who died at sea and was in pieces. I remember having an image of a huge steak. Like in a cartoon. Red with the round bone in it. Told you it was weird!

Now we're in a bedroom. Could be mine, but I have a feeling it's his. We're kissing and it's better now. That kind of kissing that when you let go for a second you're gasping for air. He's pushing up against me and now HE has no pants on. And no underwear either. I reach down and grab him. OMG! Bigger than anything I have seen in real life and I have seen MANY in my promiscuous days! He stops kissing me and looks at me with a look of surprise. One eyebrow up and he says, "Already?" I answered no, not yet and then my telephone rang in real life waking me up.

The crux of my email, which I DID happen to re-read before my nap, was about how while I LIKE the nice things he says to me, they hurt because I DON'T BELIEVE HIM and yet I want to. And by nice I mean anything from telling me I'm intelligent and interesting (I pretty much believe those and yet feel it isn't enough) to telling me "Thank you for the letter (i.e. email)" which would imply it was somehow important to him and I don't believe that.

Just WOW! The FEELINGS were crazy. WHAT ARE WE DOING?!? What am I doing? If I do this who will be my unbiased, always on my side person to talk to?

If anyone has any clue what to make of the bold pieces, I'd love to hear about it.

WARNING!

You had a normal dream!

The dream is about the work you are doing for yourself with your Therapist. You are interacting your your Therapist self, experiencing all the feelings you get from doing therapy. The couch, the street, the underwear, mean you feel volrnable in therapy. The big red steak means you are getting into the meat of things during your therapy.

I feel like there is rarely anything NORMAL about my dreams lol. My mother used to swear she didn't dream because I'd be telling her all these long stories in graphic detail.

My friend also analyzed this for me. Her take was this:

When I told her about the couch going missing due to emergency personnel, she told me she knew there was going to be a death I could not see (the cousin). She said the couch was moved for the stretcher - something is dying - cousin is dead. She asked me if there was a wedding I said no. When I got to the part about the bedroom she said that also means marriage. So the short of it is that my marriage is on the way out, I was looking to move on, he asks me already? I say no.

While I have told her some BS about issues between the husband and I, at no point did I tell her I've thought of throwing in the towel even though I have. But because I handled my first marriage so poorly, I am not ready to call it quits....yet. But the thought has crossed my mind so her analysis freaks me out. She's been dead on before as well.

It is the dreamer who has the final word on what interpretation fits best.

I tend to take things at face value so if you asked me I guess it would mean that I want my therapist as a boyfriend so I could bang him lol. Except for the crying part.

The Therapist mirrors you and your feelings. He is a part of yourself that wants to heal. As you can see, dreams are all about our feelings.

Just for the record, I had ANOTHER dream about him. This time he looked like himself. I was at his house. I met his wife and kid. My sister was there but she was YOUNG - like 7 years old. She's a corker now. I can't remember too much of what she was like then, but if she was anything like her daughter she was sassy. And he had read a little essay she wrote and was commenting on it.

A lot of it is foggy. Like what we were talking about or why I was there. I know I was looking at books - I can't remember if he was showing them to me or if I just saw them about the house.

Two things I do remember. At one point he walked up behind me, put his arms around me and leaned over and kissed my neck by my ear. If he said anything I don't remember it, but it felt nice. It was actually more romantic than sexual.

Then later I'm going all around this house, which seems more like a huge office but with beds in a couple of the rooms. Other than the beds which pretty much had just sheets I think - no comforters etc. There was some shelving with stuff on it. That's what made me think office - it's like every room in the house had shelves hanging on the walls and just lots of STUFF. Like the stuff for the house you might stow away in the garage when you don't need it. Fans, Christmas Trees, etc. Not that I saw those but I don't mean garage stuff or tools is all.

Then I was getting undressed in one of the rooms - maybe to take a shower? And I found a camera in there.

I'm naked and pressed up against the dresser. The door to the room is to my immediate left and it's open. If you would have come in the room the only thing you could see would be my side silhouette because I was tightly pushed up against the dresser with the intention that nobody should see me. My arms are over the dresser and I'm taking pictures in the dark of a mirror. The mirror looks a little smoky - like it's tinted brown. I guess there may have been some light from the hall to give me enough to see the mirror, but I have no idea what I was trying to take pictures of. I think I thought I was going to catch something on camera like a ghost or something because honestly there wasn't much to see.

I saw him stand in the doorway. I was near a window also and so I grabbed one of the floor length drapes - it was lavender and sheet and I wrapped it around myself when he came in. And that's pretty much all I remember.

Dude needs to stop making these appearances.

This dream represents the process of doing therapy. You are dealing with lots of "Stuff" with your Therapist right now. Therapist really represents the part of yourself that that is actively healing you. Once again, you are feeling volnerable during this healing process of therapy. In a sense you are exposing yourself to your therapist in therapy. Your Therapist will continue in your dreams while you are in therapy. Take it as a sign of healing, and as part of the healing process. Taking pictures is your attempt to see things that are foggy in therapy.

you are probably in a good relationship with this therapist and their help is healing you.

I love to hear people's interpretations. I'm still waiting for my other friend to chime in, but if I had to think about what it all meant, this is what I would guess:

1 ) Putting his arms around me and kissing my neck is comforting and soothing. That was actually more the feeling than sexual. It seemed more sexual while I tried to recall it. The fact that he wrapped himself around me from behind just seemed like he "has me covered" or "has my back."

2) The stuff - ALL OVER is my BS that I'm trying to get through. It was just so much and it was EVERYWHERE.

3) Probably the easiest thing to interpret is the naked thing - vulnerability as you said. COMPLETELY naked yet pushed up against the dresser so nobody could see me. I guess when I saw it was him, it was OK to expose a LITTLE, hence the sheer curtain I covered myself up with. I can roll with your foggy mirror thing as well.

I really am and he really is. I'm about to lose my job so I don't know what kind of insurance I'll have if any. He always says we'll work something out, but he's not solo. Technically he's still an intern so he is working under someone. Don't know how they will feel about these reduced rates.

These dreams are going to drive me crazy though. Right now I can only think of one other, but what has happened in the past is that I will dream of someone (a guy) and then get this CRAZY crush. That's how I became so obsessed with Duran Duran at 14 - honestly I didn't even know who they were up until that point except in passing. I KNOW it happened one other time but I can't remember who. I just remembered thinking of the Duran Duran thing. But it wasn't as strong obviously because I don't remember it, but it was there. When my brain starts turning them around in this new light it's kind of crazy making.

I like your interpretations.