[ladyrevan21]

So, this was a dream that I had last night while I was sorting through a bit of another issue. Basically, it involved a modern retelling of Cinderella that had the father still being alive and the stepsisters not being too bad, but only really turning on Cinderella when they felt she had betrayed them (for some reason; I'm not sure) and accusing her of being her dad's favorite. Basically, her dad was doing stuff like taking her on some sort of prom date (don't know what context it was in, but even typing it out feels creepy). Also involved

Possible trigger:

someone singing a country song while a wound in his chest was kind of opening and closing, someone selling their internal organs on the market, and someone catching gonorrhea and syphilis somehow in their mouth. Father Callahan from Salem's Lot and Lupe Delgado from one short segment in the fifth Dark Tower book showed up, and I think it was some severely modified bit from that fifth Dark Tower book (Father Callahan showed up in that book).

That's the most, at least, I can remember.

[Thunder Bow]

You are in the process of showing what is inside you emotionally. The process of sickness through some ones mouth. Perhaps the release of sickness. Cinderella is the process of personal transformation.

[ladyrevan21]

I think so, yes. It's pretty interesting that one of the elements of my dream involves the intestines. (Um, sorry to gross you out like that) But I think I am examining different layers of myself, certain symptoms I need to heal, stuff like that. As for the Cinderella thing, I don't recall any sort of like

Possible trigger:

emotional incest

with my dad, which might have been where the "prom date" thing came from, so I think it might represent the rest of my family just being confused by my behavior and maybe my fear they'll turn on me.

[ladyrevan21]

There was also something else that I just remembered. Basically, a reenactment of the book Room, (I think it might have been somebody else's independent production of it), me trying to find a friend of mine, and at one point, a mother and her child (I think) having to get in a cardboard box that served as the "room". I must have blocked it out when I was recounting everything because...honestly, my dreams have a lot of weird segments in them, and this is no exception. They kind of play out more like anthology films than anything else.

[medkev13]

A point to note ::

Cinderella begins with a child being mistreated. (Ring a bell? o_- )

The singing a country song with an open wound and the organ market both revolve around giving up or revealing what's inside you - the vulnerability of removing the mask, effectively.

It sounds like this is your subconscious attempting to resolve the pain of having to open up to these old memories...

[ladyrevan21]

Yeah. It does seem to be a recurring theme in my nightmares, the matter of the child getting mistreated somehow. It doesn't help that I recovered a new piece of the flash today -- mostly how I felt. Like I should have been stronger or something. That's what I remember, me wishing I had been stronger. And I had to tell myself that I shouldn't blame myself, whatever the case was. (Plus I couldn't have been eighteen months in the flash because I didn't learn about

Possible trigger:

abuse like that

until I was older, probably in my teens, like I probably said in an earlier post)

I also remember watching Cinderella before school -- that was one of the good parts of my childhood. Watching cartoons before school, and after it. I think the majority of the child mistreatment that I'm certain of definitely happened at school, and I think I've recovered a lot of school-related memories. Strange thing about it in terms of working through my memories is that it does feel like I'm going backwards in doing so. Maybe the recurring dream is also a bit of...me having issues with my child self, and I need to find a way to integrate her. (In terms of qualities that she had, she was cheerful, sweet, had big dreams for the future -- she even planned to live in New York one day * -- funny, playful, loved new things, had a bit of a saving-people-complex...things like that. So I'll have to integrate those things) My teenage self as well -- I know that my mom hated my senior year self because of the issues she had. Well, maybe not hated, but...she didn't like her, really.

And yeah...I think you're right about that. Seriously.



* And I was planning on it, but one day, I think my teenage self just chickened out and didn't want to leave home. She was too close to her family, I can remember, and her home, and she'd miss them too much. And she could barely function that year -- she'd have periods where she'd be overwhelmed in class, by the idea of socializing and such, to the point she'd have to run out of class. I'm...still pretty ashamed of it. And it got to be a pattern when I was having issues in 2013 as well, and this year.

[medkev13]

---> "still pretty shamed of it"...

A mantra I've been trying to keep in mind the past few years : "Regret nothing. Not just the good, but especially the bad. To regret is to wish yourself as someone else, whose future is both uncertain and insignificant. Your past has shaped you, and empowered your shaping of the future. Embrace this past without remorse, and allow it to be strength in he future yet to come."
((Wordsy, I know, but really it's still kind of in-progress))

You're taking a journey that can be both painful and promising at the same time. Every lesson....every reclaimed piece of yourself....is another shining point of hope in the future.

And no, there really isn't an end. Even Jung never hinted at an eventual completely-assimilated-whole. We're always creating divisions within our psyche. That's how people function. But integrating the bigger divisions can help us take the reigns as we see new divisions rise.
o/
/|

[ladyrevan21]

Thank you so much. Really. And yeah, I guess in a way the past has shaped me -- the good and the bad. I know that prior to the flash, I wasn't perfect, but I was, for the first time in a while, interacting with people, things like that. I was getting out of the house, I was going to fairs...things like that.

So maybe I could integrate those parts of myself too.

And it is. It is like one of those journeys that I'd read about in books, isn't it? Or the Hero's Journey.

And that's definitely reassuring, it really is.