[Marylin]

I slept badly last night and consequently woke up tired.
I am feeling uptight,upset and alone.
I can't bare to move today I am so exhausted.
I just want to sleep all day and will probably do so.I will do some chores when I feel well rested which even after 6 hours sleep,which was interrupted about four times,I do not feel rested!
I know I am complaining and others have worse difficulties with sleep but it is really hard on me when I do not get sufficient shut eye,it makes me moody,angry,irritable and agitated.I feel so very bad.
There is nothing for it but to get horizontal and have another four hours kip!

[Marylin]

I got some more sleep during the day today!
I got my chores done,sorted food for the compost,cleaned the fridge,did the washing up and mopped the kitchen floor.
I had dinner then had two hours nap.
Then I looked round the garden and felt disappointed,weeds are appearing, there are still dead leaves to be cleared from the winter.Also pruning needs doing, a dead shrub needs removing and borders dug.It looks a mess.The front is bad,overgrow grass full of dandelions and weeds surrounding the stone area.
I had the garden people ring me,they should have found me a gardener who should ring me this week or next about coming to help.First job cut the grass front and back.

I am impatient to have them come but it won't get done this week as rain is forecast.

Again I am sad I am not strong enough to do the work myself.I 've felt so tired physically and weak this week.I've decided to lift some weights get my muscles stronger if i can but still I need the help for the garden,it is way beyond me to keep on top of the whole garden and cut the grass every two weeks till November and do my indoor chores.

Age UK do a befriending service which is free which I've used before.I used to meet someone for a coffee and a chat.Gonna ask if someone will visit me for company once a week at home for a tea and biscuits.They will sort something out for me.I get ever so lonely.I need a change and someone new to get to know will be nice!

Tonight I am watching tv though not much good on,I have had a shower.Ready to do my food shop tomorrow.I hope I have the strength to get through tomorrow.Payday is always a busy and tiring day.

They have forecast rain from wednesday till next week thursday.
This coming saturday I am meeting my niece for a meal, a film and browse round the bookshop.I haven't seen her for two months as she has exams.

[Thunder Bow]

Seems to me you are managing life quite well. Thanks for sharing.

[Marylin]

Thanks for reading Thunder Bow.I actually need to write it down on here,it helps a lot and it is like having someone to chat to about how I am feeling and how my day is going.Like tonight,as well as all day,I 've felt tired and irritable and upset and there is no one to turn to,so if I come here and map it all out,what's happened today,what my plans are,what's upset me,I feel better in the end!It does sound like I am managing but doesn't feel like it yet,I am just getting organised and I am impatient for the gardener to start cos the grass really needs doing like now!But as it is new the garden coordinator has to assign me a gardener and it has to be done on a day without rain,they have forecast rain this week from Wednesday on into the following week.I still get to worry about it even if I am not doing the work myself!And I do worry a lot and get anxious.But thanks I am managing a lot better than I was and am on my own without the abuse of my narcissistic sister who I cut out of my life a year and a half ago!So well done me,eh?

[Thunder Bow]

You are doing well. Keep working on turning down the anxiety. It often amplifies everyday situations and makes them harder to deal with.

[Marylin]

Thanks,that is so true.Age UK turned me down for the befriending service,they said I never should have been given in in the past as I am under the required age of 55 and over!
That disheartened me,I wanted the company.

The gardener rang me he is starting on Monday by cutting the grass for me front and back.

Today I am having a complete rest day.I am leaving the chores cos I am too tired to do any physical work the hoover will have to wait to get done.

I will see to my grooming instead, dye my hair ,do hair removal on my face etc

Saturday I will finally see my niece,I will have a meal with her,go to the bookshop and we will see a film.
That will help cheer me up.

I am going to try and find out how to manage my anxiety better.Also spend time doing pleasurable activities was a suggestion once by a psychologist when he was advising how to handle low moods.So if doing artwork was something you enjoy he said to do it on a regular basis.Same with reading ,writing,watching comedy on DVD etc.

I am so glad I can come on here and post,it is like chatting away to a good friend!

God bless all who read this and reply.Thanks.Thank you Thunder Bow!

[Marylin]

I slept much better last night,I only had to get up twice for to use the bathroom.
I am much more rested and don't feel too tired.I will be able to run the hoover round and vacumn the carpets later.....time for a sandwich before then and a cup of tea.
It is a nice day out,no rain today and some sunshine.
It isn't too bad for me mood wise either today...not too low!
Got to take my diet more seriously and not eat junk like cakes and biscuits.Very bad for me and causing weight gain!Naughty,naughty.

[Thunder Bow]

You have a full life. It is good to see you doing all this.