[rise13eyond]

I kind of thought about posting about this for a long time, but never did because I honestly don't know if there's anything anyone could say that would be useful. I have brought it up before to other people and although their suggestions seemed fine at the time nothing really helped.
I hope I don't sound a bit all over the place and that I make sense because I haven't quite figured out a perfectly comprehensible way of explaining it.
I have terrible...I'm gonna call it anxiety, at night. And while I could try and come up with many reasons as to why that is I can't give a single definitive reason. Maybe that's part of the problem. So I guess there's a combination of reasons. Such as nightmares and sleep paralysis for some reason (I think I've figured that sleep paralysis usually only happens if I attempt to fall asleep flat on my back but nonetheless it makes me anxious knowing it happens so much). But I suppose I could also list paranoia as a reason of some sort, because that's something I deal with just in general. And while I like sleeping when I'm just asleep and not experiencing anything scary, I don't like the idea of being completely helpless. I have a pretty vivid imagination so that and paranoia make for a very nasty combination. I do dislike the dark, but that itself isn't the problem, or at least not the only problem, because I do sleep with a small light every night, which doesn't always help, and sometimes I even sleep with all the lights on, which doesn't help too much. Something terrifies me and I don't know what, and more importantly I don't know how to combat it. It causes a significant amount of sleep loss which I then try to make up for during the day. On that note I have no problem sleeping during the day it is just night...when it's dark.

[Medusax]

That is very sad, rise13beyond, I am the opposite. I love the night. I was afraid of the dark briefly as a child...and I got over it because it realized that I could not be seen when I stood in the same room as my sister in a dark corner and she never knew I was there. I like to walk at night (drives those around me crazy) Could you perhaps do some activity to relax you and get you thinking positive thoughts? Do yo live with someone who can check on you periodically? Maybe just thinking before you go to sleep that someone will be watching over you might help? other than that...I've got nothing.

[downandlonely]

My younger brother used to be terrified of the dark. He used to sleep in the same room as someone else and that helped. Not sure if that's an option for you or not.

[avlady]

I hate night, only when I get my insomnia phase, and im up from 12 to 7 in morning. then I sleep until I feel refreshed but the the day is gone. I have sleep apnea too and sleep with a machine.

[rise13eyond]

Originally Posted by Medusax

That is very sad, rise13beyond, I am the opposite. I love the night. I was afraid of the dark briefly as a child...and I got over it because it realized that I could not be seen when I stood in the same room as my sister in a dark corner and she never knew I was there. I like to walk at night (drives those around me crazy) Could you perhaps do some activity to relax you and get you thinking positive thoughts? Do yo live with someone who can check on you periodically? Maybe just thinking before you go to sleep that someone will be watching over you might help? other than that...I've got nothing.

Yeah I'm pretty sure when I was little I was afraid of the dark too, but that was because I was a child and it's fairly common for small children, and I grew out of it. In fact that problem now isn't all that old. If I had to guess I'd say it's been going for a year, at most a year and a half but it's hard to know for sure. I kinda don't know at this point, I find it difficult to force my mind to think of something specific when trying to sleep or relax, because in general in order for me to fall asleep my mind has to be relatively blank, actively focusing on any one thing keeps my mind wide awake.

Originally Posted by downandlonely

My younger brother used to be terrified of the dark. He used to sleep in the same room as someone else and that helped. Not sure if that's an option for you or not.

Unfortunately no. I live with just my parents and I can't really set up camp in their room. My mom has on occasion come down to my room for a short time , but it's not ideal for her. She insisted that if I needed help then they'd hear me scream, but I must have a very quiet scream because I've woken up screaming or crying many time even when I was in the bedroom over and it never made anyone else stir.

Do yoit have any pets? Sleeping with a cat or a dog might help.

[rise13eyond]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

Do yoit have any pets? Sleeping with a cat or a dog might help.

I wish. T.T I mean I have a cat and a dog, but the cat isn't allowed inside and the dog...I dunno I might have to ask about that.
I came to a conclusion last night. As I was laying in bed attempting to sleep while terrified, and I wouldn't really call that anxiety. I mean I have anxiety, and it feels completely different from what I experience at night. So I'm not entirely sure what to call it.

Sorry you are struggling Rise13beyond. I have trouble at night sometimes, and with darkness, but it's because my PTSD can get triggered in the dark particularly if my S.O. is away for work and I'm home alone. Sometimes I actually have to keep every single light on in my home just so my brain will relax enough to let me fall asleep. Though that's certainly not every night...those are the bad nights. I also get very trippy nightmares sometimes...the sort that can bother you during the day when you remember them. I just try to ignore them.

Sleep paralysis is associated with sleep disturbance...broken sleep. Have you ever had a sleep study? it's important to get that addressed, not a good idea to just ride it out.

How's your mood during the day? How's life in general? How do you feel about yourself, your goals etc?

Do you have a history of trauma?

Peace to you.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, rise13eyond If this happens frequently, I'd suggest to talk to your doctor about this and see how it goes from there, if you haven't already. Hopefully he/she will be able to help. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. I hope you'll be able to find a solution. Are you taking any meds? Perhaps that could be one of the causes. Do you work? Is there any way to work around your schedule for letting you sleep during the day? Sleep is very important, after all. Perhaps you could get a doctor's note for this. Remember that we're here for you if you need to talk. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. Keep writing here if it helps. I'm here for you as well. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[Spiderhamis]

You could try listen some calming music at night, it kind of like...removes the emptiness in darkness and night. And you can always sleep with a teddy bear, no matter what age.

Hoping everything goes okay, lot of hugs <3

[earthling stardust]

Originally Posted by rise13eyond

I kind of thought about posting about this for a long time, but never did because I honestly don't know if there's anything anyone could say that would be useful. I have brought it up before to other people and although their suggestions seemed fine at the time nothing really helped.
I hope I don't sound a bit all over the place and that I make sense because I haven't quite figured out a perfectly comprehensible way of explaining it.
I have terrible...I'm gonna call it anxiety, at night. And while I could try and come up with many reasons as to why that is I can't give a single definitive reason. Maybe that's part of the problem. So I guess there's a combination of reasons. Such as nightmares and sleep paralysis for some reason (I think I've figured that sleep paralysis usually only happens if I attempt to fall asleep flat on my back but nonetheless it makes me anxious knowing it happens so much). But I suppose I could also list paranoia as a reason of some sort, because that's something I deal with just in general. And while I like sleeping when I'm just asleep and not experiencing anything scary, I don't like the idea of being completely helpless. I have a pretty vivid imagination so that and paranoia make for a very nasty combination. I do dislike the dark, but that itself isn't the problem, or at least not the only problem, because I do sleep with a small light every night, which doesn't always help, and sometimes I even sleep with all the lights on, which doesn't help too much. Something terrifies me and I don't know what, and more importantly I don't know how to combat it. It causes a significant amount of sleep loss which I then try to make up for during the day. On that note I have no problem sleeping during the day it is just night...when it's dark.

hi rise13eyond
When I was your age I experienced sleep paralysis. It made me terrified of the dark , I 'm still am afraid of the dark to a degree since then and I was a chronic insomniac for 10 years after. now on sleeping pills so i sleep like a log but get nightly nightmares due to PTSD. I didnt mind day time sleeping, but at night, I hated it.
First of all, my mother stayed with me that whole night I had sleep paralysis, she lit a big church-like candle in the room from then on, so if I was to get sleep paralysis, I was to focus on the light. I was so hysterical and terrified she had me practise in the day visualising the brightest light in my mind with my eyes closed, it's actually very hard to do when experiencing paralysis, but that's what broke me free of it. If I don't have a candle in the corner of my room where i can see it from bed (it has to be a really pure natural bright light, imagine like the morning sun, so artificial ones wont work so well) then in place of that it helps to sleep next to someone.
To be honest I was so terrified if my mum told me what your mum has, i'd show her an article on it so she has a bit more compassion perhaps and try and explain to her how terrifying it can be. The fact my mum comforted me helped it MASSIVELY resolve.
Also I wouldn't be surprised it's caused by another root cause... For my part, whilst my parents love me and I love them, I was often neglected in my childhood (the product of parents who were neglected themselves), my feelings werent often validated and they made me feel unworthy/not good enough. They made me feel very little and cultivated a low self esteem by putting down my efforts or making negative comments on my physical appearance and personality. I have a lot of compassion for my parents as an adult now as it allowed me to forgive and help heal. What im saying is another stress factor could be triggering it, and addressing the root cause may help.
That you are left totally alone was so sad to here as I know how horrible it is, if your mum had an inclination to how awful it actually is maybe she'd show you a bit more sympathy. Closer support from one of your parents may help to reduce your stress around it significantly and thus make it less likely to keep happening.
I have a cat, it doesnt help to have my pet in the room personally, it could possibly freak me out more. On the other hand the warmth of another human and tuning into their breathing is soothing and can help, if not see if you can have a candle put somewhere safe in your room. Pets breath at a diffrent pace to us so it may not help you with grounding. I used to have my dog in my room, it could exacerbate my anxiety the annoying diffrence in breathing, the dog sighing, sudeen movements and noises as simple as the dog farting or kicking it's legs when dreaming, could jerk me awake/surprise frighten me. Having a dog in the roo didn't help personally and the disturbances would easily set off overthinking which isn't a great recipe when mixed with paranoia. You might find that your dog actuzlly calms and reassures you though so worth a try if your parents will let you. My boyfriend doesnt like me burning a candle at night so i make sure its out of the way of anything and a pillar candle in a glass jar so its heavy and wont topple over, bedroom door shut so cat cant come in either and make it fall over if he somehow suddenly developed hulk strengh at nighttime.
Do you see anything when you get sleep paralysis?

[earthling stardust]

ps: sleeping with a teddy can help,there's no age limit to that don't care how much the hubby eyerolls, he finds it cute now and accepts I need my comforts at night

[rise13eyond]

Originally Posted by HopefullyLost1211

Sorry you are struggling Rise13beyond. I have trouble at night sometimes, and with darkness, but it's because my PTSD can get triggered in the dark particularly if my S.O. is away for work and I'm home alone. Sometimes I actually have to keep every single light on in my home just so my brain will relax enough to let me fall asleep. Though that's certainly not every night...those are the bad nights. I also get very trippy nightmares sometimes...the sort that can bother you during the day when you remember them. I just try to ignore them.

Sleep paralysis is associated with sleep disturbance...broken sleep. Have you ever had a sleep study? it's important to get that addressed, not a good idea to just ride it out.

How's your mood during the day? How's life in general? How do you feel about yourself, your goals etc?

Do you have a history of trauma?

Peace to you.

Egh I can't respond to each and every reply ><

I sleep with me myself and I, I can't imagine sleeping with a spouse or having a spouse at all....And TBH part of that IS related to trauma, but that's not a conversation for this part of the forum.
I didn't used to have nightmares or sleep paralysis, I think that sort of started with ^ same trauma.
I hate the idea of being watched while asleep, or just anyone around while asleep I guess. You're so vulnerable when asleep, I guess that's part of it.
I just got on a new sleep aid, like Monday, and now I sleep with some fairy lights, they make my room much brighter which is both good and bad.
I have over 100 plushies of all kinds and sizes, they take turns sleeping with me, I have one with me on all times even when I go out.