[findingmyhappiness6]

I've been a smoker since I was like 10 years old if memory serves me correctly. I'm 28 now. I've been fighting with myself about quitting for some time. I would say smoking is my worst addiction ever. Don't get me wrong, I've experimented with other drugs, but nothing has ever had it's claws in me deeper than cigarettes. It's to the point where I feel as if it's encoded in my DNA to be a smoker. My mom was a smoker, she passed away from COPD, my father smokes 5 cigarettes a day and was diagnosed with COPD some time ago, grandmothers were both smokers and both passed from cancer, all my siblings smoke minus my sister-in-law who managed to quit 2 years ago. EVERYONE I know smokes! I've tried quitting but my mind along with cravings got the best of me. Longest I managed was 3 days and on the 3rd day I just didn't care anymore and worst of all is when I did get a cigarette I didn't feel bad about it, I felt relief. Sometimes I feel as if I'll never quit unless they're outlawed. A big part of me still likes smoking. It's a love hate relationship.

[kaliope]

as i sit here smoking, i can identify with you...lol........i didnt start until i was like 19 and only smoked a couple years and then quit for about 9 and then started up againwhen i was like 29. i have never been a heavy smoker. mostly 1/2 pack a day, maybe a pack when i am stressed. but i find i do it to curb my anxiety. it forces me to breathe deep and relax. it is the only time i do it. i guess if i made and effort to focus on breathing i may not have to smoke? i never really felt addicted to the nicotine because mostly i smoked when i was out in public and could go the whole weekend not smoking. that has kind of changed but i did spend two weeks recently in SD and didnt smoke or think about smoking the whole time because my daughter frowns on it. but then a few days in san diego at my sons i did smoke and they do too but i was really suicidal at the time. i am really trying to quit now as i have a hacky cough. i have the electronic cig which i used before and it had worked for awhile until and intern made it too easy for me to access the real thing. so i am still smoking when i am out in public (im agoraphobic) but at home i use the ecig. i bring it to work too and use it but if i am "dying" for a real one, i am not going to deprive myself or i will just end up saying **** it.

[emwell]

Have you ever really focused on the act of smoking and what you actually get from it?
I did that for awhile. The first thing I learned was that it was not the cigarette that calmed me. I had a sense of calm before I even lit one.
I also learned that the only thing I liked about smoking was watching the smoke leave the end of the cigarette.
I decided I could live without watching the smoke and I could find a new way to calm myself.