[concern1970]

Low Self Esteem, is something that I can relate to from a young age. From the age of 9 I had puppy fat so was always taunted by kids, which I think was the first kicking of my self esteem, I then lost the weight at 13 but didnt know how to react to that as I had sort of made myself a brick wall, to all the heartful remarks that I used to get, strange it wasn't just kids who did it, I used to get it from my brothers aswell, which somehow was worse, as I used to want them deep down to help me but how would they, when they used to treat me like the kids did. I then left school with bad grades, school wasn't a nice place for me, and out into the adult world I went and got myself a job. My esteem still wasn't the best but I got on with it, then at the age of 22 I left my job due to a clash in personality with the boss and from then on I have been inbetween jobs and of and on medication for depression, I so wish there would come a day when I can say completely from inside me, this is me, I like me and Im not a bad person, just someone who wants a normal life, doing normal things and feeling normal!!!!!

[so_punk_rock]

I still have times where i feel pretty crappy. All i can tell you is that you have to have that inner strength because otherwise people will continue to be able to control your self esteem and emotions. You gotta be strong for yourself..nobody else in the world has lived your life and been what you been through. You are this only you in this world and you need to show it to everybody, better yet shove it in their faces....who cares what anybody else thinks?

[concern1970]

Hi so punk rock

Thanks for that advice, you are quite right and most of the time I do take that attitude, but some days are better than others. Whats so nice about this site is you are able to get things like this off your chest and people can give you their insight on the subject, and tell you their stories of why we are visiting this site. Thanks again for your words of wisdom

[Lisa Michelle]

I think when we suffer from low self esteem from an early age it becomes such a habit that it's hard to think any differently. It's all we've ever really known, I suppose.

It always amazes me how a person could have been confident and then LOST it. I like to think those people can at least know they're capable of it and work at getting it back.
But when you've never had it?? You don't even know what it feels like. It's just like a concept.

But... it's still possible. With desire and effort on our part, I think we can work at having higher self esteems, seeing ourselves as we really are.
Do you like reading self help books? I'm never dedicated enough to keep reading them, but I do get occassional surges of positivity when I read them!

[concern1970]

Hi Lisa Marie

Thanks for that, we are very vulnurable at that age and we tend to look to other's more for guidance, whether we get the right guidence is another matter, my trouble was I was so unbelievably shy, I just wouldn't let any of the bad stuff out and kept it all in, these days I release and see where we go from there, keeping it in made me ill, so that wasn't the way, but the thing is, no one gives you a book on how to sort your problems out, it's trial and error, and as they say "lifes for living"!!!

[BrokenNBeautiful]

the basic words that still stick to me, at 42, from childhood, are:

"Retard"

"Cross-sighted" (I wore thick glasses)

"Weird"

"Ugly"

"W***e" (derogatory female name)

"S***" (derogatory female name)

and there were others.

oh, and "stupid", too.

It will take a lifetime to get over, but I am doing it.

ty,

Billi