esteem and friends

i had extremely low esteem growing up. close to none at some points. and very few friendships. from 6th grade and until present ive had none. so i apologize that im not any good at it now. and tend to withdraw quite abit. especially when it seems like everyones got a good rhyme going. it feels too overwhelming for me. so i dont say nothing. and just watch and read. but i dont know if that seems rude to others. i dont mean it too. im not sure if i will ever figure out how to be a good friend. parts of it i have a hard time dealing with. im ok if its light and fun i think. but inside i have this desire for stronger friendships. but maybe strong friendships are not a realistic goal for me. i just can not imagine ever really having any real friends irl. i seriously dont think itll ever really happen. just something i keep hoping for. just figure that esteem plays into this all somehow. guess the point of this post is to apologize for today. i wasnt a very good friend at all on pc today.

(i hope this post doesnt come across as rude in any way. if it does i apologize)

I cannot see how this post could be come across as rude. Maybe I should be able to. I am not very subtle. Maybe here I will learn to see better and hear even to the softest whispery voices. Thanks for speaking.

And I'd like to believe your friends will come. If not right now, then someday, please don't give up hope.

I am so very sorry you feel this way (((((((((((suzzie))))))))))) Gosh, I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly thoughtful you are here at PC. You brighten SO MANY people's day here with the amazingly beautiful photographs you post. And it's obvious that you spend a lot of time choosing individual photos for individual people here. It's a very special thing that you do. And you are a wonderful friend for doing it. Please don't ever doubt how much people appreciate the kindness and thoughtfulness you show.

I know that PC and the internet isn't the same as "real life", but we are all real people and I believe that we make real friends here. And you are without any shadow of a doubt a very real friend and a very good friend to many people here, including me. I really appreciate you (((((((((suzzie)))))))))))) and so many others do too. Please don't doubt that.