[Judith22]

I have depression and anxiety. I want to get better. How does one go about it? I've seen my therapist and psychiatrist. I guess thats a start. I also went to a support group tonight and that was helpful too. I want to love myself for who I am. I feel kind of far from that right now. That is my goal. How do I do it? I think posting here helps so I'll keep doing that. Someone posted a "who am I" thread. I didn't really read it, sorry. But I got an idea of posting who I am here. I think it will help me to love myself so here it goes. I like to help people. I want to get a job paying a good amount of money in a field that I love. Right now I am exploring life. I hvaen't been out of school since preschool and this is my first winter out of school. It's great but learning how to be an adult is frustrating sometimes. I didn't go to work again today and they could fire me. I already have my excuse handy though. I probably won't get fired. Yahoo personals makes me depressed and I'm going to delete my profile. I have had nothing but boring or negative experiences come from there. I haven't been going to the gym a lot lately. But I paid them so I should. I think maybe it's depression, or just lack of motivation. I spend a lot of time on the computer. I wish someone who is incapable of loving me would love me. I have been hurt in the past. I am grieving over a breakup that happened 8 months ago. I don't know why but my life isn't satisfying. I don't know if that's depression or if thats just me or what. The guy I broke up with has a very satisfying life and is amused easily. So I must be dysthymic. I'm pretty sure I am. I walk around for a short while after work thinking of the things I could do. And I always come back to either here, or fantasy books and movies. I love just getting wrapped up in a romance movie where there's a girl who has problems:P Something I wish I could do but can't is write and be creative. I can be creative but It comes in short spurts which I cherish. It's always in fragments. I never have like a plot or a theme or anything that sounds good to me. I just think of funny things and write them down. But I always relate things to myself which I have to be careful of because it can become dperessing which isn't very entertaining. Plus I don't want people to see that side of myself in my artwork. Well I guess that's enough for now. If anyone has any good ideas on how to love yourself, I'll take any ideas I can get. This probably seems like one long ramble. Sorry. I still new but I love psych central. You guys make me feel so good about myself.
I hope I can do the sames for yous.

[Rapunzel]

Judith, welcome to Psych Central.

You just did essentially what the "Who Am I" exercise is about. Wanting to love yourself and being able to recognize that you want that is a very positive thing, and that will help you a lot. I guess it can take a while to achieve it though. Therapy helps, and friends help, and doing things that make you feel good. You might try getting a copy of the book that I referenced in the "Who Am I" thread, or other self-help books. They work if you take your time and do the exercises rather than just reading through the book and putting it on the shelf like most people do. Sometimes it helps to have friends you can be accountable to for doing the work, and you can find that here.

I wish you the best, and it sounds like you are on a good path and headed in a good direction.

Rap

[Judith22]

Thank you Rapunzel I will look at your thread now.

hang in there. see a therapist and continue the support group. xoxoxo pat

[Judith22]

Here's a follow up to my post. I am taking an antidepressant, and it seems to be working Loneliness is my biggest problem right now. I don't know if it's anxiety and depression that makes it hard to make friends or what, but I have none right now. I actually don't think it's anxiety/ fear or dysthymia that makes it hard for me to make friends. Maybe at work, yeah. anxiety sets in, but at home, all I do is stay home. I'm thinking maybe I don't want to get better or something because I didn't go to this art group I joined and I haven't been to the gym in about a month. I have read articles on ways of meeting people, and it seems I do the opposite because: 1.) art is getting boring for me 2.) working out is not fun. Someone once told me though, that as adults, we must do things sometimes that are not fun. And I think I need to do these things. I need to create a habit of doing them because they will help my loneliness. I just wish I could find something that would be more fun to do. I like creative writing, but I just could not show my writing to other people. Well, maybe I could. This is just one long ramble isn't it? But thank you for reading.

[(JD)]

Thanks for your update, I hope you continue to feel better.

IMO, depression and loneliness are different... and looking at them that way might help you? You can be alone and not lonely...it's the depression that is making you feel so lousy.

If you find you are able to write even for yourself right now, then why not do so? As your meds continue to help, you might find you're able to share some?

[Judith22]

Thanks _sky. It's nice to hear from you. I just realized this should probably go in the relationships section, but I hope it stays here. I basically don't feel good about myself bc I'm not finding interesting things to do with people. But find interesting things to do alone. And I'm mad at myself for not wanting to do these boring things with people. On a positive note, I have been taking a class. It is about something I think I care about. The people are just OK. Not great. But I'm not lonely for at least one night of the week. There is this one girl who I think is really nice, but I don't know how to get closer to her with out seeming desperate. Same thing at work. I like a lot of people at work, but getting closer to them (like asking one of them out for coffee) is hard because I'm afraid I will sound desperate and push them away. I think I spend way too much time on the computer, like on chat forums and it feels so lonely. A lot of people from my past (that I didn't like and who didn't like me) post have profiles on this certain website that I frequent. I don't know why but today I started thinking of names of people I remembered and looking them up, and I didn't even like them!!! And it just made me feel worse about myself for looking them up and seeing all their friends and exciting life. I'm actually starting to feel a little better now because I'm glad I'm not friends with them and they're nowhere near me so they can't hurt me. I went off on a tangent. Sorry. I think that's all I've got to say though. But sky, are you saying that people who have high self esteem and are not depressed don't need people around them to feel happy? Maybe I should just accept the fact that...I can't even write it. I can't write: "I have no friends." I guess that's something I'll have to work on. I feel like, I'm a loser for having no friends. But if I met someone with no frineds and liked them, I wouldn't think they were a loser OK, Now that I've written a book, I'm gonna go. Peace Love and happiness to all psych centralers!!!

[(JD)]

I think the word "need" is the key word in your last thought.... or better: People who have high self esteem and are not suffering with depression don't need people around them to make them happy. They will enjoy having others around at times. But being alone doesn't make them lonely.

We who are depressed probably don't enjoy much of anything, right?

I don't mind posts that are "books" lol but you gotta put some paragraphs in them for me

Depression is driving your thoughts. They will spiral ever downward till you can get a handle on them. I hope that's soon...with someone else's help if need be.

Why not tell the person that you're always looking for new friends, how about catching lunch or coffee sometime?

[Benjamin]

I think the first step to getting better is acceptance of yourself. You have to compeltely accept yourself as you are -- the good and the bad. If there are things you don't like about yourself, develop goals to improve those things, but for now just accept it as the way it is. You will begin to feel better almost immediately.

"Six Pillars of Self-esteem" has a good chapter on acceptance. ACT therapy talks about that quite a bit also and offers some good techniques.

[Junerain]

I can tell you have story telling talent by your post. You say you don't have plot or theme yet your post reads like a well thought out movie with a positive theme. I care about you, the main character, so much!! Try keeping a journal to see when your moods get better and what helps. Stay creative!! I'm sure you're a great artist too. Friends will come with time. For now, you;re stuck with us, us psychcentral buddies!! There is a whole community here that cares. Also a therapist will help too. What's your diagnosis? The feelings of emptiness could signal you're borderline, also the feelings of not knowing who you are..have you ever read Lost In The Mirror? The second chapter describes the way borderlines graps at shreds of identity like they are in outer space, with no knowledge of origin or destination or even up or down. Here's to finding your "Up..!" Judith, best wishes feel free to PM me.

[heartspace]

{{{Judith}}} Wanting to get better is an important first step.