I have no motivation

My self esteem is at an all time low.... i thought i was doing ok but i just cannot seem to deal with it anymore. I am a senior in high school and have been struggling with my weight for a few years. Prom is a week and a half away and i thought i was finally happy...i have a really handsome prom date (someone way out of my league by the way) and i thought that for the first time in high schooli thought i would have a date for a school dance. two days ago my handsome prom date made up an excuse as to why he couldnt go with me and i later found out he was talking to someone thinner and prettier than me. I was devastated and crushed. My low self esteem got shattered and to top it off he told me all he wanted from me was sex. He just wanted to use me. I was the most excited for prom out of all my friends and now i have no motivation to go i feel ugly and fat. Prom was supposed to be a good night having fun with my friends and with my date and now i am the only one from my close group of friends that does not have a date. I know that when i go to prom i will feel like a failure and like it wouldnt matter if im there or not. My self esteem is no longer existent

hi.

i'm so sorry you had to go through that, but maybe you should feel grateful that he didn't use you. the pain you could have felt after being used could have been worse.

as for prom, don't let not having a date keep you from having fun. i went through my high school years without having a boyfriend, and i can honestly say i am so happy about that. it always seemed like my friends who had dates/boyfriends didn't live high school the way i did. i had tons of fun hanging out with my friends and meeting new people. just go out there and fun. i know it's easier said than done. but you have every right to enjoy prom. forget about other people and what they might think. you go out there and enjoy it.

Yes, I agree with Ms. Plath, his wanting to use you for sex and admitting it is about him, not you. I'd be glad I was well rid of him. It sounds like he's looking for someone else more attractive to him and you don't want to be attractive in his way.

I know it hurts a lot now; I did not have a prom date, did not go to the prom (though my mother got me a dress in hopes, my mother's hopes were in there too that "I" dashed by not having a date) but, again, like S.Plath says, it gets much better when you get older and in a wider set of situations. Think of when you were in 3rd grade :-) say, and what mattered to you then and why that was (because you didn't have a very large range of experiences or know many other people) I have gone to my high school reunions for years 5, 30, and 40, will have reunion #50 in 5 more years. Whether one went to prom or not is not something others remember or hold against you, and I wish I had not held it against myself.

Definitely start developing your own style, doing what you really want, regardless of external looks, weight, what others are doing, etc. If you have your own thing going, others will be attracted to that and they will be others "like" you who admire and appreciate who you are and are becoming and what you are doing. Lose weight, if you want, for you and who you are rather than because it is something you think those around you want. I was gorgeous when I was your age:

but gained weight later in life, in my 30's and on (I'm 62). I married when I was 39 and could not be happier and both my bald, fat, husband and my own 100+ lb. overweight self have that lifestyle I could not even dream about when I was your age. Develop hope and keep working for what you truly want. It hurts now but it will not always hurt and you should not let it wound you. You are attractive "enough" and on the life path you are on and have all the tools to make it a success for you. Don't worry about the shallow guys; perhaps now you can identify them better so you don't have to be hurt later in life by them. I'm reminded of the movie "Legally Blonde" :-) That movie is fun because those types of things do happen!

I love the John Masefield poem:

I have seen flowers come in stony places
And kind things done by men with ugly faces
And the gold cup won by the worst horse at the races,
So I trust too.

Learn to trust yourself.

I just want to say thank you for your response to my post. It truly made me feel much better about the whole situation.

Look, HS is really cruel, but never again will you be in the HS situation.

in HS: all your friends are your exact age peers. This is very tough. Later in life, you will interact with people of various ages. That would give you perspective. That would give you flexibility (and yes, people tend to gain weight over the years, so when you stop interacting solely with your age peer group, you will naturally mingle with people of, let us say, different weight ranges)

in HS: no privacy. everybody knows everything about everybody. Do you have a date for a school dance? Do you not have a date? It is all visible to the untrained eye. Later on, it won't be so bad, ever.

in HS: a short horizon - it is as if the life would end after the prom night. It won't. It is just beginning. The prom night is not a culmination of anything.

OK, enough about it.

Please look into non-weight-loss-related ways to look pretty. Some ideas:

- clothes that fit - at any size
- pedicures with open toe shoes
- make-up, if you have enough dexterity and patience and some extra time
- hair products
- dentistry, at regular intervals, if you can afford it - the look of the smile matters (unfortunately, I cannot afford it, but I do know that it matters)

In other words, a lot of things go into looks, and not just weight.

Finally, read this

Health at Every Size

before you attempt losing weight.

That was actually quite nice of him to disclose his intentions without hiding. I know it is not what you wanted to hear, but, as others have noted, it is much better to hear it INSTEAD of sex than AFTER sex.