[GeauxSaints0122]

Hello everyone. This is my first time posting to this site...or any other forum for that matter. I am not sure where to turn and I am becoming desperate for help. I am a 26 year old female. I am asking for different advice from anyone willing to help. I am currently in a relationship that is coming to an end. An end I do not want. I am not writing to figure out how to save my relationship, rather myself.

I have plenty of reasons why I have such low self esteem but I have no answers for how to begin to fix this. I grew up military with two alcoholic parents. My insecurities are very deep rooted and have become a sort of part of me. I seek to find security through other people, i.e. not being alone. I have ruined perfectly good relationships with my need to control everything in the other person's life. I feel lately as if I can't breath. I have lost control of my ability to simply coexist with another person. It is hard to explain because I can TRUST but my fear takes over either way. I have this burning desire to control and when I can't I become completely immersed with the feeling that brings. I have never been deeply passionate about anything and I envy those who can let go of the things they can't control to find that peace. As I am getting older I am realizing my life feels empty.

I have made a great deal of changes lately in order to seek this peace. I have started exercising and eating better, writing, eliminating all negativity from my days, and trying to focus on the good but this cloud won't move away. I am tired of living this way. I am not religious nor do I want to be.

I hope someone can give me some push in the right direction that I haven't thought of on my own. I am meant for more than this but I don't know how to find that path.

[DePressMe]

Geaux, I think you are on the right track with exercising and eating better, writing, eliminating all negativity from your days, and trying to focus on the good...I am starting to do some of the things you just mentioned. Matter of fact, I just journaled about them. One thing I'm also doing is trying to get on a regular sleep schedule--I think sleep is important. I've also started meditating--you don't have to be religious to do that--it helps me control my thoughts and feeling during the day--helps me let go of things. As I already said, I think you are on the right track and I also hope you keep pushing forward.....D.

[gayleggg]

Hi, Geaux. I think you are on the right track, but think counseling might help. I think it might help you heal some old hurts and address your need to control others.
Good luck.
Gayle

[avlady]

It's good to hear you are a person that wants and tries to help themselves. I commend you for trying and i hope things get better for you because of it. About your relationship you need to save yourself the trouble of all the worry, they're are alot of things you can do to either get over it, or if you don't break up you can go to therapy? The empty feeling can be awful, you need to get a hobby or do you work?I hope all works out fine just take it one day at a time