[anna_goth27]

I know I have low self-esteem and I am now realizing that as a result, Ive done some minor things that ended up making me into the last person I wanted to become.

The whole vision Ive always had about myself being a good person despite everything else has been shattered and I am finding myself having to rexamine every motive and action I take. I feel as if everything Ive been doing is totally wrong and hopeless enough that I feel I dont know how I am ever gonna remedy the mistakes Ive made so that things can go back to being OK.

My question is though, lately my own self-deprecating ways have caused me to feel guilty about everything good I have in my life. Like something as simple as wanting to buy a new dress, this guilty feeling builds up and in my mind I start to talk myself out of buying it, not because I cant afford it or because I am using money I should be using elsewhere, but because I dont feel I deserve it. And if I do buy it, for brief moment I feel good and then its right back down to the point where I have to fight the urge to return it.
Do any of you guys encounter this and how do you cope with it?

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[vans1974]

Hey Anna-I have a problem with guilt as well! The only thing I've really learned that helps me is too focus on the present and "don't look back"! I try to move forward with faith so to speak. I like the saying that goes something like this," I'm a failure in the past, an idiot in the future, but I'm perfect in the present!" Hope that helps a bit! Hang in there!!

[KristyGirl7]

Originally Posted by anna_goth27

I know I have low self-esteem and I am now realizing that as a result, Ive done some minor things that ended up making me into the last person I wanted to become.

The whole vision Ive always had about myself being a good person despite everything else has been shattered and I am finding myself having to rexamine every motive and action I take. I feel as if everything Ive been doing is totally wrong and hopeless enough that I feel I dont know how I am ever gonna remedy the mistakes Ive made so that things can go back to being OK.

My question is though, lately my own self-deprecating ways have caused me to feel guilty about everything good I have in my life. Like something as simple as wanting to buy a new dress, this guilty feeling builds up and in my mind I start to talk myself out of buying it, not because I cant afford it or because I am using money I should be using elsewhere, but because I dont feel I deserve it. And if I do buy it, for brief moment I feel good and then its right back down to the point where I have to fight the urge to return it.
Do any of you guys encounter this and how do you cope with it?

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The first step is to realize that feelings of guilt were programmed in order to accomplish something. Usually, if guilt just a reaction, but doesn't make you a better person, it's useless. Maybe you could start telling yourself that your guilt is useless since it's not making you into a better person. There is no need for it in this case.

Or maybe you should start to tell yourself every day that guilt makes you even worse because you can't spread your wings and be the best you could be if you feel guilty.

Forgive your self. Tell yourself: what's the point of holding a grudge about past mistakes when the best teachers and teaching of the world teach forgiveness. Forgiveness is beautiful. Unforgiveness is a decease.

Maybe your mind right now thinks that it's noble of you to think that you don't deserve something. But think about it, would you say this to another person? Wouldn't you forgive them for their mistakes if they are now trying to be better? Wouldn't you be a harsh person if you did not forgive and just told them: you don't deserve a second chance. Forget you. Suffer.

That's is not beuatiful. No one teaches to do that. So tell yourself that if you want to become better, the first step to to learn to forgive. And the first step, is to forgive yourself. And say: well, I may not deserve it, but fate is beautiful and gracious and is giving it to me anyways. It's giving me a second chance. It's giving me love. It's a good example for me. I should also show love to those who don't deserve or give a second chance to those who try to change. And I should start with myself.

Seriously, wouldn't you rather be a beautiful person and comfort others (or self) when they regret their mistakes? Do yourself a favor, be gracious to yourself. That is what the great teachings teach us.

Why? Because forgiveness brings life. Guilt and accusations bring death. It serves no purpose unless it's making a person better. Actually, it destroys a person (as you have experienced). So it's to be avoided. Forgiveness is the thing to strive for. Forgiveness for SELF and others.

We are all human. All of us make mistakes. To err is human, to forgive divine.

Teach this to your mind daily, try to convince it, and maybe one day you will start to believe it and then your guilt will disappear and will be replaced with gracious acceptance of your self, with its mistakes and all.

[anna_goth27]

Thank you for those words you guys. Sometimes gotta remind yourself about stuff.

I guess the fact that I had made some of the same mistakes more than once is why I get so hard on myself, because I think of what other people might think and that is that they deserve to not forgive me since I cant seem to do better.

I honestly try to do my best, I am usually the first on letting things that people roll off my back or try to be understanding and forgiving once they explain themselves, but I always find it so difficult to do it for myself.

I think once I am able to fully forgive myself for things that are out of my control, I could finally get myself moving forward to my building up my self-esteem. I have just been feeling so bad lately, especially after what someone said to me about beiing careful about the seeds I plant, not just because their fruits might affect me directly, but because it can affect the generations after me. That terrifies me. To think that I may be messing up my (hopefully) future kids' lives because I cant get myself together and my constant need for validation has caused me to do things wrong.


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[KristyGirl7]

Originally Posted by anna_goth27

To think that I may be messing up my (hopefully) future kids' lives because I cant get myself together and my constant need for validation has caused me to do things wrong.


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So, as you see, a self fulfilling prophesy... You'll do worse if you feel guilty about things. We are ALL making mistakes. And those self righteous people who judge, they probably just don't notice their own mistakes. Just because they are not failing in this particular area, doesn't mean they are not failing in some others. It's like Jesus said: you who are trying to get the stick out of your brother's eye, get the beam out of yours first.

You can't do better than you. For some reason people think it's possible, but it's not. When you try, and you do the best you can, that's all anyone can ask of you.

Ignorant people think that just because she/he did it, you should be able to do it. But it's so not true. Some of us are able to do such and such and others are able to do something else. We all have a different set of problems and limitations within our mind and body which constrain us and not allow us to become better. It's not our fault. We just act our what's inside. And if something is missing, well, what can we do? Feeling guilty about it wont' fix it. Again, it's good to remember that ALL do something wrong in SOME area. But people like to point fingers at each other. And as someone else said: when you point one finger at someone, the other three of your fingers are pointing at you...

The best thing to do is to acknowledge your mistake and to try to do better next time and relax. If you can't do it again, well, then you couldn't, right? If you could, you would. So relax. Your job is to try and that's all you could do. You have to accept that some things you simply won't be able to do. If someone says: do this because I can do it. Say to them: just because you can, doesn't mean that I can. We all have different abilities. If you fail in this thing (whatever it is), rest easy. All fail in something.

[anna_goth27]

Originally Posted by KristyGirl7

So, as you see, a self fulfilling prophesy... You'll do worse if you feel guilty about things.

Thank you for saying this. As a matter of fact, at work especially, Ive been feeling as if the bigger reason why Ive been making some mistakes is because I have become so self-concious and some of the people around me are expecting me to mess up at certain times. And I have once or twice, but I cant help but partly feel that if I hadnt felt so self concious by them into thinking I was gonna fail, that I probably wouldnt have.

The only thing that hurts about not being able to be better than yourself can allow you, is that people will point it out in ways to make you feel that because of that, you will never be as good as others.

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