…especially by someone who said they found me attractive otherwise. Like it doesn't matter if I have a great personality and sense of humor and that I'm pretty otherwise if I'm a bigger size than a model. And he knew it would upset me to imply that I'm fat but he did it anyway. And now I can't see myself in any way other than fat…right when I was almost able to see myself as skinny. And it doesn't make any difference how many people say I'm skinny…guys still think I'm fat. They want girls to look (and possibly be) anorexic. I'll just never understand…

I eat a really healthy diet and I've tried to do some exercise, but I always hurt myself and I've been to chiropractors and physical therapists enough, so it's not like I can spend hours each week exercising. Besides, I'm muscular, so I'd bulk up and become even less appealing I guess because I would look even BIGGER.

[LifeIsCruel]

Hey Friend!

I know how you feel

I have many...well, I hate everything about me...and YES...I have had this stuff pointed out to me by women, who ALLEGEDLY "was interested" in me??? And even total strangers???

IMO, this should be in the same category and as punishable as a racial slur! For it is an insult to us, and we did NO wrong??

Message me antyime, I am here to get and to give help

[unaluna]

There are different body types. Maybe youre a mesomorph. He could be comparing you to an ectomorph. Look at your calf muscle (flex it). Does it end closer to your knee, or halfway to your ankle? Same test with your arm bicep, but it might be easier to see on your leg. I always say, Arnold Schwarzenegger would kill for calves like mine! Ha - makes it easier to kick this jerk to the curb. And to develop great abs. Just be your best. I tend to hurt myself too. I think its from trying to do too much too fast? Do you have a trainer? Have you tried swimming or a recumbent bike?

[hvert]

That sounds like a weird thing for him to say, especially if he knew it would upset you. Was it accidental or is he trying to mess with your head?

[StrongerMan]

Fat is somewhat of a subjective characteristic just as some people like blondes and some dark hair. Many people care much more about other traits. Look into cognitive distortions... things we tell ourselves that don't match reality. You are using a lot of generalizations and absolutes. "Guys" think I'm fat... I "always" hurt myself... I'd bulk up... The reality is, as I stated above, different strokes for different folks. Even if 90 of 100 guys aren't interested in you for whatever reason, you have to concentrate on finding the 10 that are. There are ways of exercising that have very low risk of injury, as well as those that don't build muscle.

Originally Posted by LifeIsCruel

Hey Friend!

I know how you feel

I have many...well, I hate everything about me...and YES...I have had this stuff pointed out to me by women, who ALLEGEDLY "was interested" in me??? And even total strangers???

IMO, this should be in the same category and as punishable as a racial slur! For it is an insult to us, and we did NO wrong??

Message me antyime, I am here to get and to give help

The really confusing thing is that strangers complement me for my looks (ok, mostly for my hair) and it seems that just a lot of guys think I would be attractive/more attractive if I were skinnier. I've been steadily losing weight for a while now…completely changed my diet. But the attitude with most guys in the younger generation is that everyone needs to be model skinny or they're fat.

Originally Posted by hankster

There are different body types. Maybe youre a mesomorph. He could be comparing you to an ectomorph. Look at your calf muscle (flex it). Does it end closer to your knee, or halfway to your ankle? Same test with your arm bicep, but it might be easier to see on your leg. I always say, Arnold Schwarzenegger would kill for calves like mine! Ha - makes it easier to kick this jerk to the curb. And to develop great abs. Just be your best. I tend to hurt myself too. I think its from trying to do too much too fast? Do you have a trainer? Have you tried swimming or a recumbent bike?

No, I don't have a trainer. I don't really want to pay for "extra" stuff until I pay for all the basics on my own or maybe that's just me having too much pride to ask my parents for extra money to cover the expense.

I may be taking on too much too fast, but I used to be able to before doctors starting messing with my hormones. Plus, my joints don't seem to stay in place and I've spent the last month or so at a chiropractor getting my spine straightened out (I'm guessing my spine being messed up would have caused a lot of pain).

And I'm just sort of afraid of getting injured again. Not because of the pain (I have a high tolerance to pain) but because of the medical bills and not being able to do other things in life. I mean, I live alone, so no matter how badly injured I am and unable to lift and carry things I still have to when I go get groceries etc.

Originally Posted by hvert

That sounds like a weird thing for him to say, especially if he knew it would upset you. Was it accidental or is he trying to mess with your head?

He must of been messing with me because I had even told him about how my dad used to tell me I shouldn't eat desert because I'm too fat while he eats like two portions.

Originally Posted by StrongerMan

Fat is somewhat of a subjective characteristic just as some people like blondes and some dark hair. Many people care much more about other traits. Look into cognitive distortions... things we tell ourselves that don't match reality. You are using a lot of generalizations and absolutes. "Guys" think I'm fat... I "always" hurt myself... I'd bulk up... The reality is, as I stated above, different strokes for different folks. Even if 90 of 100 guys aren't interested in you for whatever reason, you have to concentrate on finding the 10 that are. There are ways of exercising that have very low risk of injury, as well as those that don't build muscle.

Well, to be honest, I'd love to bulk up, at least in the right places—like in my arms for example. The problem is that I'm more attracted to men, so I'm afraid to appear too masculine. I'd love to be strong like I used to be…

The annoying thing is that it seems like most people find me attractive, but not dating material…I don't even know if it has to do with society considering me "fat", but I figure maybe I'd have a better chance of being someone's first choice if I had a "perfect" body because that seems to be a deal breaker for a lot of younger dudes. My personality, sense of humor, loyalty, compassion, etc. doesn't count enough if it doesn't come in a size 4 (or hopefully smaller) body. And older guys (or at least guys less obsessed with skinniness no matter the age) just think I'm "too young" or something…I'm 25, sorry if I look 17 or no older than 22. Or maybe by "too young", they mean I haven't had enough relationship/sexual experience for them.

I honestly just don't understand how everything about me can be so wonderful except for stupid things like my weight and experience and yet no one likes me enough to actually date me. I mean, most of the people I went to college with are married…is it that normal to never have a significant other until your late 20's/early 30's/possibly never? I'm just "good enough" to be the "in between" significant other while the off and on real significant other is off again. So, yeah, I'm never the first choice, or the second choice, or the rarely even the last choice.

[SeekerOfLife]

It's not just being called fat that hurts. It is how it is said. My personal worst hurt is to be called stupid. That hurts me more than being called ugly.