I have all the right tools in front of me but still struggle. Help!

I've been in CBT for the past 6 months and I've shown progress though there are times where I go through bouts of depression and anxiety, depending on the situation.

Specifically, these past two weeks have been exhausting on my psyche and body. I've cried so much and want to call someone but feel like no one wants to hear me complain. I've been ruminating and thinking a lot but trying to control the thoughts by meditating, reading every day, practicing forgiveness, staying active, hanging with friends, listening to my favorite music, staying productive at work - the list goes on. I noticed that after each of these activities where I'm driven to distraction and immersed in them, I am at ease for awhile and then I relapse to my old ways quickly. I breathe and remind myself to stay in the moment but my mind is so foggy.

Some things on my mind are:

• Recently losing my first love - memories, mistakes, regrets
• Accepting my mistakes
• Regretting my decisions
• Feeling proud of my accomplishments
• Am I making the right decisions about work and school?
• Inner peace - silencing the inner voice
• Hiding my depression from certain people
• Low Self-Confidence/Self-Esteem, believing in myself

I am doing my best to get through this break-up, ongoing depression and move forward but it feels so difficult because I let the little things affect my mood.

Am I doing this right? Of all the resources I've been using and activities, why am I still having a hard time breaking out of these bad moods and bouts of sadness and anger? I feel so defeated. I am consciously making the choice to be happy but it's so difficult. When will I feel good again?

you have to give the new behaviors time, lots of time. think of how long you have been practicing the old behaviors....years upon years....you have only been doing cbt for six months.....it took me a good two years to replace positive thoughts for my automatic negative thoughts. it seemed long process at the time but now I see how far I have come. It is long hard work, but you have your whole life and each day it gets better and better. keep up the good work....take care

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. The loss of a relationship seems to make everything harder. I can relate to you on rumination. I have few distractions to keep me from doing it. But you sound like you're doing the right things to stop it.
You didn't mention whether you take any meds? As much as I HATE needing them, they can sometimes help, and you might consider them.

I did a lot of compulsive crying for a long time once I found the courage to let my tears and hurt feeling finally come out into the open. But the thing that did me the most good was to honestly and courageously face the fact that my parents and a few others had seriously damaged me in early childhood and I was carrying around a TON of unhealed, unresolved and UNVENTED, painful feelings that were trapped inside of me. I became aware that much of my external activities, like the ones you mentioned, were only helping me keep down the vast sea of painful, miserable and ANGRY feelings that my parents had unwittingly filled me with.
I would say that all of those activities are only a way to AVOID facing the hidden, repressed, bottled up & damaged feelings that are pestering us from within and begging for resolution and healing.
Yes, those activities can somehow shut off the inner urges to find some relief and healing but, the moment the distractions are gone, our inner, unhealed and unresolved feelings will come right back up in an effort to find some relief and resolution. Sometimes these damaged feelings will cause: cancer, migraines, back aches, arthritis, ticks, various ailments & "disorders" and even insanity in their efforts to be noticed and HELPED.
I don't give advice but just doing grief work and Venting work on my bottled up damaged feelings DID WORK.
In my case, I had to enter therapy and finally face the sea of buried and damaged feelings inside of me that were causing all of my problems. My "bad moods, sadness and anger" were all symptoms of unhealed feelings that were pestering me for release and HEALING!
In my case, it was not until I had done a LOT of venting and grief work in therapy that I finally began to truly feel "good" again. Oddly, there are still some levels of unhealed & damaged feelings inside of me so my grief work is not done yet but way better than when I started many years ago.
good luck,
jim

Hi

firstly I hear the pain you are in and I am sorry you don't feel heard. Well we are listening now!

You stated the things on your mind, now what comes to my mind is, you are trying to figure out a lot of stuff that would be hard to think about even if it were the only worry! Where is all the panic coming from?

You can't deal with everything at once....it may be difficult, but try to decide on the thing that is bothering you the most, or the thing you would like most not to worry about. Then deal with that only! If other worries come in, you can acknowledge them, accept they are there, but tell them now is not the time, and when ready, you will deal with it. This may not be easy and may take practice but one thing I know, you cant deal with all that stuff in a healthy way all at once!

IMO the most important thing to deal with what you believe is causing you the most distress,,,put the rest on hold for now. If you spend too much time on one thing...leave it for a while and think of something else, but don't deal with it all at once!

Don't feel bad for not knowing all the answers...don't put so much pressure on yourself!