Avoiding self destruction

anothercliché · Nov 01, 2014, 01:56 AM

Hey, sorry to bother y'all but I have a question that I was hoping to get some feedback on. I am trying to feel better about myself as a person but I cannot seem to do that for any extended period without reverting back to destructive tendencies. I keep screwing up and even when I try to stay positive about it the nagging feeling that I'm a colossal failure and this is just further evidence of that fact persists, regardless of the mundanity of the failed action. I constantly appoligize for things that aren't my fault to the point where I am now one of the least sincere people I know as the phrase "Oh I'm sorry" has essentially lost it's meaning. Perhaps 75% of the time I'm actually sorry for what I did but the rest of the time it's just a reflexive phrase that is spat out like a cheap vending machine novelty. I also call myself stupid or an idiot frequently when I make mistakes, even though I've been told not to do that. I keep trying to feel better about myself, I'm honestly trying, but it just feels like a lie that I keep repeating over and over again. No matter how many times I say "It's okay" and "you're not a moron" I still consider it as the lie it is, which makes it difficult to turn those fantasies into realities. How do I stop tearing myself back down?
Thank you for your time and consideration in reading this post, it means a lot to me!

Altered Moment · Nov 01, 2014, 04:40 AM

I would only say that you have to keep at it. It won't change overnight. Changing false beliefs about yourself that may be ingrained takes time. I think a lot of it comes from other people. If you can be around caring people who validate you that helps.

Look yourself straight in the mirror and say I love you over and over again until one day you believe it.

Frankbtl · Nov 01, 2014, 02:57 PM

Hi anothercliche, one thing that jumped out at me (amongst others!!

). This: "No matter how many times I say "It's okay" and "you're not a moron"".
Don't go leaving it at that!!!!

What's say you jump straight in there afterwards with somethings like:
"Actually I'm pretty smart, I.........(here's where you throw in the evidence!!

)",
or
"Sure I did..........but there's a reason for that............(here's where you throw in something like how can I be expected to remember everything!!

) just because........doesn't make me a moron"
But you're saying that failures stand out (and we all have them!!

)........the thing is are you actually giving yourself all the credit you deserve for the things that go right?? It can be so easy to focus in on the not so good things and judge ourselves based on them..........but when you aim for a more balanced view of yourself the failures can fade a bit in comparison.
Perhaps worth starting to write down some of the good things to fall back on when your views becoming more negative???
And the calling yourself stupid or an idiot when you make mistakes, reckon you could work on replacing that for "I'm human"????
Might take a lot of practice but you know you are only human and mistakes happen. Sure some you might be able to learn from, and if you can go for it but otherwise............
And the random "Sorry"'s, well I know that can be a real hard "habit" to break, and good that you're trying to avoid them so much

But just a thought...........if one slips out as a reflex action, perhaps try to get in there quick with something like "I'm sorry.........I know you couldn't help it...........", just something to acknowledge it wasn't your fault????

Alison