[JustBryan12345]

Being bullied most of my life. My Self-Esteem is low. I just need advice(Mostly from women) but guys are more then welcome to put there input too. I feel as if there is a burden in my heart(Or a chip on my shoulder if you will) to where I can't be outgoing. Only shy I look around I can't help but to notice that there is a lot of couples. I'll make small chit chat with a few women. But I can't go full fun me, like I am when I am off.

I know it sounds bitter. But it makes me envy what they have. I just want advice on how to grow my Self-Esteem. How to I be more talkative. What is the advances on how to build a relationship with a woman starting from the bottom(Meaning if I think she is cute where do I build from there?) I feel like my self esteem is holding me back...a lot anyone can help?

[Malkhaz]

Try to surround yourself with positive people if you can.

And you don't necessarily have to have a low self-esteem to be shy. Realize you can reverse this. I was extremely introverted as a kid, and now I am very extroverted. But it's a matter of putting yourself out of your comfort zone every chance you get to see improvement.

Women don't mind a shy guy, as long as he doesn't act creepy. There's a crucial difference between shy and creepy! Unfortunately, part of it is looks: if you look rundown, unkempt, overly nervous, these things could work against you. In that case, my advice is to dress well, cleanly, but with your style, and go to your barber regularly (shave/clean haircut). If you have a beard, keep it neat. And Always remember good hygiene! Deoderant my friend.
That said, I do think when you dress well, you feel good! However, you may still feel shy, or somehow unworthy. It definitely helps to be around friends who can boost your confidence, but if you don't have that, do it for yourself. I don't know what guys do, but I like to do things I'm good at. So if I'm going out, I sing while getting ready... it brings my mood up, and gives me a confidence boost.
When you talk to women, try to be yourself. It sounds cliche, but believe me, if you put on some kind of tough guy personality that isn't yours, if you try too hard to impress, Women Will Notice! Just be nice, start off with a compliment (never backhanded: we don't like to be told you're amazed that we are pretty AND smart...) and go from there. If you can relax a little, the conversation will flow. It helps if you ask questions about her, and then listen. Ask what she likes to do, what her job is, travel, etc...and maybe you have something in common.
Last, and least, if you are out or at a bar, having a drink doesn't hurt. Don't drink too much! But if you can drink, I know that it helps me get over my inner critic, and feel more relaxed. If you need this just to get the first conversation going, its fine! No one should rely on substances to socialize, but if you're very nervous, for a first meeting one or two drinks can't hurt. Don't get drunk! And don't act like you want to get her drunk! Also, if you buy her a drink, make sure it's what she likes: Ask if you may buy her one, and then ask what she likes. Common sense, but sometimes guys miss this one.
**You're Acting Creepy When:
-She's 10-15+ years younger
-She acts bored, nervous, or repeatedly looks around as if for friends
-She frowns, tells you in some obvious way that she doesn't like what you're doing
-She's dancing on the floor and you come up behind her and start grinding, no permission! Gross! **

[MyUsername14]

Ok so I don't really know how to help with the self-esteem thing because I have a problem with that myself but try just thinking about yourself positively and think about the positives instead of the negatives. But just try talking to people who you find interesting. Ask them the time or something like that if you don't know what else to say but then go on from their and just be yourself (which you will probably find hard because you are self-conscious). Sorry this wasn't that helpful but I tried :/ anyways good look and things will get better

[jimmy rich]

Originally Posted by JustBryan12345

(Or a chip on my shoulder if you will)

The "chip on my shoulder" gradually dissolved as I did more and more Anger Work to find and Vent the sea of anger, sorrow and unhappiness that I had unwittingly buried inside of myself from early childhood. Venting my anger and simultaneously working on my Self Esteem has brought me a long way up from the miserable, unhappy, angry and FRIGHTENED person I've been most of my life so I would recommend to anyone to work on their own hidden issues and self worth in any way they can. I went into therapy and support groups to work on my life long issues.
good luck,
jim

[DarrenPH]

Listen to bluedonna92 there's some sound advise there. I've been where you are now, bullied all through school and beyond, when I was 19 I had a few women who fancied me (I found out later in life, didn't have a clue at the time) but my self-esteem was so low I didn't recognize it. There was one women who was determined to 'de-flower' me, looking back she was really coming on strong but again my self-image wouldn't allow me to see it....oh the missed opportunities.

Everything changed once I built my self esteem to a healthy level. If you want to lead a happy life and be able to talk to women you need to build it up, in my opinion it's essential to a happy life.

Unfortunately, it's not something that will happen overnight, I found it to be a journey of a few years. You'll need a support system, friends, family, a support group, surround yourself with as many positive people as you can and their positivity will rub off on you.

Create a self-esteem bucket list of at least 100 things that make you feel anxious, from the small stuff right through the the big stuff, then work your way through it, as you tick stuff off your list your self esteem will grow.

The words you use in everyday life affect your experience of life. Change the words you habitually use, if you say you're depressed everyday and that word make you feel bad, remove it from your vocabulary and change it to something with a smaller emotional impact like 'I'm feeling a bit down', do the reverse for the good things, if you routinely talk about being OK, change it to being fantastic.

Keep a notebook handy, or use a smart phone, collect quotes from movies, famous people etc and review regularly, the quotes need to be relevant to the struggles you face daily and need to help you overcome them, for example, you keep failing at everything, then use the quote from Batman The Dark Knight 'Why do we fall down sir, only to learn to pick ourselves up'.

There are loads of ways to build self esteem, try books from Stephen Covey, Anthony Robbins, Maxwell Maltz, read them and do the exercises. The important thing is that you take responsibility for building your self esteem and do what is necessary to build it up.

Good luck

Darren

[PianogirlPlays]

Wow, thanks for some authors names . Sounds helpful.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by JustBryan12345

I know it sounds bitter. But it makes me envy what they have. I just want advice on how to grow my Self-Esteem. How to I be more talkative. What is the advances on how to build a relationship with a woman starting from the bottom(Meaning if I think she is cute where do I build from there?) I feel like my self esteem is holding me back...a lot anyone can help?

Your goal is not appropriate for you yet - you need to reach achievable, smaller goals first. Start getting in the habit of a light chit-chat with everyone, men and women, in the normal course of your day. Say, if you - that is a corny example, but just for the sake of expediency - get coffee from a coffee shop, smile, joke, thank the barista (she or he). Eventually you will feel more secure in your small talk skills and can proceed to the goal above (in bold).

The more skilled you get at GENERAL chit-chat, the less creepy and the more casual and fluid you would eventually appear to the women who would strike your fancy.

One way to think about is via the concept of self esteem.

Another, and possibly simpler way to think about is just as improvement in small talk skills.