[winterglen]

This happens again and again: I do something wrong, I apologize, and the other person says it's okay, but I don't really believe them. I believe that they are only saying it's okay to be nice, but they will hold this mistake against me for the rest of my life.

Like today, I was trying to move a chair in the classroom through this tight spot. The chair leg hit the wall and I fell on top of someone else.

She said it was okay, because she's a nice person who will be nice even to drips like me. She'll be nice even to people who don't deserve it. And she comes out of this situation looking nice and normal, while I come out looking like an obnoxious freak that everyone hates, but they're too nice to tell me to my face.

Just the fact that I'm thinking like this proves that I deserve to be ostracized, because a normal person would never think like this. But that was my entire childhood: other kids forcing themselves to be nice to me, even though I'm a disgusting, obnoxious freak, and it's my fault I can't get along with people.

None of this would have happened if I had just stayed out of the way.

[kaliope]

this post could really benefit from some CBT, specifically thinking errors as you really seem to be catastrophizing an accident. I am sure that girl is not even thinking about it any longer and it says nothing about you as a person worthy of distain. lots of people are nice. it seems that you were exposed to some awful things in your past that you took upon and blamed yourself for, making yourself seem unworthy. it just isn't true.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by winterglen

Like today, I was trying to move a chair in the classroom through this tight spot. The chair leg hit the wall and I fell on top of someone else.

She said it was okay, because she's a nice person who will be nice even to drips like me.

No, she did not say it was okay because she is a nice person.

She said it was OK on autopilot - anybody unless there is a major lack of social skills on the part of that person would have said that it was OK.

Had the tables been turned and she ended up falling on top of you, you would have told her that it was OK. Right?

PS Also very much agree with Kaliope's suggestion.

[Angelique67]

Also, kids are not known for being nice because they're nice. They will mercilessly bully anyone they think doesn't fit in. So you see, there's nothing about you that is unlikeable even if you think so.

[CosmicRose]

Kind of sounds like the opening to a romantic movie. Chair falls on woman, man says sorry, woman says its OK, que love scene with background music and slow motion frame. Just kidding, but I'm trying to show you that its really not a big deal and if she is normal, then she doesn't hate you or think negatively about you at all. If she was busy she probably forgot about it shortly after, or she at the very most she might have felt bad for you for dropping it but not because she's mad, but because she knows it was a genuine accident that no one could have foreseen or changed.
Oops I totally just assumed you were a guy this whole time, I don't know why, sorry if you aren't! Lol

[LFC555]

She said it's "okay" because it is "okay". You didn't deliberately intend to hurt anybody and it was a pure accident, and it's not even a big accident. It was probably just a bit embarrassing...that's all.

[Pikku Myy]

Life happens winterglen sometimes you just need to move on... and laugh about it.