Difficult to keep your head up when society views low self esteem badly?

This might just be me.

Sometimes if I complain that someone is being irritating with mildly manipulative behaviour that I ignore, my friend's will tell me: "Ah, they expected you to react like ____, but you have too much self respect for that".

Now, I know they're trying to be nice and they're definitely being supportive of me, so I do not bring this up with them, but I really don't like it when the words "self respect" are used to tell the difference between a person of worth and a person of less worth, such as "that person has no self respect". The reason is that I find it difficult to respect myself or view myself as having worth, and the fact I feel I should be ashamed of that leads me down the route to meta-low-self-esteem - i.e. low self esteem and hating myself for it. It took me years to get over an ex, and I was too embarrassed to tell any friends or family as I thought I was being pathetic, so after quite a few years I took to the internet anonymously to tell a forum about it. What did I get back? "Why can't you just have more self respect?" Literally the worst thing to say to someone who lacks it, obviously ("You obviously have low self worth, you should be ashamed of yourself").

Does anyone else think that this is a trend or is it that I'm being oversensitive to the way people talk about self worth because I struggle with it?

I try to tell myself - well, I think that trend is ridiculous because of course it isn't a person's fault if they struggle with their self esteem, and it definitely isn't anything to be ashamed of - but my very next thought is "this is the society I have to live in. It doesn't matter if I think there's nothing wrong with struggling with self respect, because everybody else does think there's something wrong with it and I'll be shunned".

See what I mean?

From your description, sounds like a lack of comprehension of the label within your social structure? To me, self respect is about a series of behavior, not of internal feelings. I could be wrong.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

I kind of think the two are related/the same. The only people who will act with a lack of self respect are those who have low self worth.

Revisiting the post. I do see a couple of 'should' moments. Also had read 'right','wrong','ashamed.'

Feel those are more cognitive distortions, that contribute to negative thinking. Which certainly contribute to low self esteem.

There are certain things in this universe, that a person may have to do for survival. It's not an absolute.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

Ooo! Thank you! I wouldn't have noticed that. I tend to use prescriptive statements a lot but I find it difficult to notice because it's such a constant in my inner dialogue.

Glad I could be of assistance. Rewriting inner dialogue is important for writing.

Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk