Invidious Lack of Self-Esteem

Yet here I am, often paralyzed by my fears. If we look at the title of this thread, lack of self-esteem can seem rather unimportant compared with some of the other serious diagnoses that some people who come here cope with.

Yet, I can say that lack of self-esteem has been a huge obstacle, it grows denser, higher, and deeper with each project I do not attempt, or attempt and fail at. I am much more lacking in self-esteem esteem now, in my 50s, than I was at 25.

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i remember my T told me that most people have some lack in self asteem. becasue of the process of growing up and getting along..having to FIT IN our society!

and people who have really serious disorders also don`t have a good self esteem!
this issue is veryBASIC in our lives..becasue if we feel we don`t deserve the good we don`t get to it!
i remember that book where the outhor wrote "i never felt i deserved the deseased space i occupied..it infected any relationship ..."

i really think that it`s important to work on self asteem.
i also don`t believe that all the egomanics have a good self asteem. they may have it subconcious and need to proof to themselves they are THAT good or need attention from others. when they say "ho i am htis i am that"

well i didn`t mean to change the topic subject. what do you think?

Lack of self-esteem may be the underlying factor behind depression or other disorders. It can be paralyzing, and keep us from trying things that we would do if only we believed that we could succeed. Self-esteem is a serious issue, and working on self-esteem can help us to overcome our other identified problems, including mental illness and underachievement.

i agree..........

Thank you, LadyM, Rapunzel, and Fayerody, for getting the topic back to invidious lack of self-esteem. It helps to recognize it as a serious thing, not just a little character defect.

Benjamin, yes, I do think you are idealizing living in a commune. It's completely going to depend on the person. I lived in a religious community with shared responsibilities for about a month in 2003. Even though it was very peaceful and quiet most of the time, when you have a hundred or so people living in tight quarters, there's going to be instances where you get in each other's faces. "You were supposed to this."

"You don't give me orders."

The community had a really good attitude about it, as these being opportunities to work on one's spiritual self. And no one held grudges that I could see. If a person went back to apologize later, the attitude was, "Forget it about. No problem."

If you want this kind of living experience, I hope you find it.

After i look up invidious I will have higher self esteem. lol.

I'd use the term "insidious," rather than "invidious."

I don't find self-esteem cumulative in some way but more a constant choosing of what is more comfortable/easier. My husband and I were talking about fears/phobias/habits yesterday; he hates driving through the Baltimore Harbor Tunnel when the traffic is two-way as he says the lanes are narrow and the big trucks, etc. coming the other way are over the lines. When we were coming up to it coming back home from our grandson's birthday he noted out loud what time it was and was relieved that it was before 7:30 p.m. as that's when the sign said it would become two-way; I looked at the next sign and it said April 30-May 4, it's only Weekday nights and yesterday was Saturday (as well as only being 4:00 in the afternoon :-) so I called him on it and he went into his tirade about big trucks being over the lines, and asked didn't I feel the same :-) and I explained I wasn't afraid of tunnels (which he bristled at, claiming not to be afraid either :-) and had never had the problems he described and found the lanes "normal" sized, not too narrow and people not over the lines, etc. and further pointed out that if there had been a lot of accidents they wouldn't keep making it one-way week after week. I then started thinking out loud about how he must have had a different experience than I had and that one experience was scary so from then on, next time up on the experience he only remembered the scary stuff from the last experience instead of looking at all his experiences or the possibilities and choosing more independently of his one scary one and gradually the choices "against" the tunnel when it is two-way and "why" were such that he had this huge "myth" inside his head based on a single scary situation he probably doesn't even remember but has added "evidence" to as he has gone along. When we were in the tunnel, sure enough the woman in the lane to our right was one the "line" (but not over) and he said, "See!" but I pointed out if someone were coming toward her, opposing her, she'd move back over closer to her tunnel wall on the right rather than risk hitting a car head-on. He was taking something that didn't apply (since he was behind and to the left in another lane and could adjust his speed so he had total control over whether he or she hit each other) and using it in evidence in a completely different situation.

I think I do that when I actively choose to represent myself as not good enough or discourage myself from trying, etc. There's probably plenty of ways negative self-esteem happens without my noticing it but if I do notice it, I think I'm choosing it for myself and I really don't "have" to; the self-esteem isn't the problem, it's my deliberate choices for what is easier or more comfortable. I think then that I'm "pitying" myself and I don't like other people to pity me so why should I tolerate it in myself? So something is "hard" or "scary" -- big deal, not a reason I shouldn't think it through and act in a positive fashion.

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Perna said:
I'd use the term "insidious," rather than "invidious."

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My self-esteem is ever so much higher after this presumptuous correction.

(((((((((( wants2 ))))))))))

Not a correction at all; I was talking about my preferences and self-esteem problems, spoke of what I'm trying to do with myself. I could find your comment an invidious presumption of a correction, but I won't :-)

Peace, Wants; as my husband sometimes has to say to me, "We're both on the same side!"

Perna

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Perna said:
I'd use the term "insidious," rather than "invidious."

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Publicly correcting another person's vocabulary, spelling, or pronunciation is rude. Trying to get off the hook by reframing it as any variation of I was just trying to help you or I was just kidding or we're on the same side etc. etc. doesn't work for me. These are the kinds of things people say or write when they do not want to take responsibility for what they say or write or do.

I was not kidding. I was/am not reframing and the only hook I feel to be on is my wishing you didn't appear, to me, to hurt unnecessarily. I cannot do a whole lot about that because what you think, feel, and believe is about you and I don't have any jurisdiction there.

I am a very concrete/literal person. "I would use. . ." means, to me, "I would use. . ." I can/will certainly apologize if you feel I hijacked your thread with my stories and feelings about my lack of self-esteem but that's about all I can see to do here?

Take it easy, you guys!

Main Entry: in·vid·i·ous
Function: adjective
Pronunciation: in-'vi-de-&s
Etymology: Latin invidiosus envious, invidious, from invidia envy -- more at ENVY
1 : tending to cause discontent, animosity, or envy <the invidious task of arbitration>
2 : ENVIOUS
3 a : of an unpleasant or objectionable nature : OBNOXIOUS <invidious remarks> b : of a kind to cause harm or resentment <an invidious comparison>
- in·vid·i·ous·ly adverb
- in·vid·i·ous·ness noun