Invidious Lack of Self-Esteem

I have been thinking this afternoon about how many people I know who have achieved national distinction, and that I certainly seemed pointed toward distinction myself when I was young -- smart, articulate, ambitious, hard-working, energetic, attractive . . .

Yet here I am, often paralyzed by my fears. If we look at the title of this thread, lack of self-esteem can seem rather unimportant compared with some of the other serious diagnoses that some people who come here cope with.

Yet, I can say that lack of self-esteem has been a huge obstacle, it grows denser, higher, and deeper with each project I do not attempt, or attempt and fail at. I am much more lacking in self-esteem esteem now, in my 50s, than I was at 25.

It is an enormous handicap that guts my pleasure and enjoyment in life, creates lots of anxiety and inner pain, and results in inertia and procrastination.

((((((((((((((((( Wants2 )))))))))))))))))

((((((((Wants2fly)))))))))
I know, me too. I keep telling myself that I'm going to force myself to do things I don't want and I try but then it bottoms out and it leaves me feeling all the more depleted.

I guess we gotta keep pushing our boundaries so we don't close in on ourselves and suffercate. That's what I'm focusing on now. My comfort zone has gotten just a little TOO comfortable.
You'll be fine if you just do one little thing you didn't think you could/would do a day. One thing, anything, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

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Wants2Fly said:
Yet here I am, often paralyzed by my fears. If we look at the title of this thread, lack of self-esteem can seem rather unimportant compared with some of the other serious diagnoses that some people who come here cope with.

Yet, I can say that lack of self-esteem has been a huge obstacle, it grows denser, higher, and deeper with each project I do not attempt, or attempt and fail at. I am much more lacking in self-esteem esteem now, in my 50s, than I was at 25.

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Yeah, as we hit middle age and see our time getting shorter for things we want to accomplish, that can be a little depressing and in some cases, hurt our self-esteem. A lot of it is from comparing ourselves to others. I do that too. At 49, it seems unlikely that I'm going to ever have a family, and at this age, I don't know if I'd want to start. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, but there are people out there who like to try to make you feel bad about things like that.

But I think the key to healthy self-esteem is accepting yourself as you are, foibles and all. It's about having goals and interests that drive you forward and make you look forward to each new day. It's about not comparing yourself to others, but just working towards being the person you want to be. It's also about setting achievable goals.

Self-esteem is about being the center of your life. I've said this before: it's about playing the leading role in your life.

The world is a fascinating place. There is a lot of bad in the world (i.e. the VT shootings) but that, in a way, makes life even more interesting and it makes what good there is, that much better.

remember we produce, direct and star in our own movie..........

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fayerody said:
remember we produce, direct and star in our own movie..........

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At the moment, that sounds like a bad joke. Older women also get booted out of the movie businezz.

I was never looking for "distinction" as a goal. I guess I figured out early that there would always be those better than me and those less well-endowed, those who like me and those who do not, etc. so allowing for an external measure of how well I was "doing" wasn't going to work.

I find it much easier to play with the Universe than with others seemingly like myself. I'm reminded of Kermit's song, "Bein' Green":

It's not that easy bein' green;
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves.
When I think it could be nicer being red, or
yellow or gold-
or something much more colorful like that.

It's not easy bein' green.
It seems you blend in with so many other
ordinary things.
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water-
or stars in the sky.

But green's the color of Spring.
And green can be cool and friendly-like.
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
like a mountain, or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why?
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine,
it's beautiful!
And I think it's what I want to be.

I am what I am and am working at becoming "more so" :-) The only way I can do that is to look honestly at the cards I was dealt, the experiences I have had, my interests and abilities, the choices I get to make. There's noting in there about other people. I think it's hard to garner any "self" esteem by looking at other people.

that quote to me means that we're all, at times, self-absorbed and are so busy messing(producing and directing) with our own heads that we don't see what others are doing or might need.

Helen Mirren got an OSCAR.....look at Dame Judith. Jane Fonda has a new movie out.

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fayerody said:
that quote to me means that we're all, at times, self-absorbed and are so busy messing(producing and directing) with our own heads that we don't see what others are doing or might need.

Helen Mirren got an OSCAR.....look at Dame Judith. Jane Fonda has a new movie out.

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I take your point.

Thank you.

yep............... :

)))) wants2 ((((

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fayerody said:
remember we produce, direct and star in our own movie..........

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I've been the star of my own life for a while. Now I'm beginning to think that what I'd really like to do is direct.

you get it! that's what we all want to do and our mental illnesses sometimes keep us from being able to do it all.........xoxoxo pat

I no longer have goals, dreams, or visions, and I haven't had them for years. All I want is to make enough money to maintain myself, and when I work, that's about all I do earn. And without work and the 10-hour days in a dark room at a computer, there is nothing left to sustain me.

There is no movie, there is no script, I am not a star and being a director is beyond my capabilities and has been since 2003.

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Wants2Fly said:
I no longer have goals, dreams, or visions, and I haven't had them for years. All I want is to make enough money to maintain myself, and when I work, that's about all I do earn. And without work and the 10-hour days in a dark room at a computer, there is nothing left to sustain me.

There is no movie, there is no script, I am not a star and being a director is beyond my capabilities and has been since 2003.

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Sorry to hear that, W2F. Don't you have any hobbies or interests outside of work?

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[b][

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Sorry to hear that, W2F. Don't you have any hobbies or interests outside of work?

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Right now, no. When I am desperately trying to maintain myself and pay my bills, fear and low self-esteem crowd out everything else.

When I was working, I was desperately trying to keep the job, and I was thinking how nice it might be to have hobbies and interests if I was hired permanently.

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Right now, no. When I am desperately trying to maintain myself and pay my bills, fear and low self-esteem crowd out everything else.

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I've been there myself. It's like Maslow's hierarchy of needs: you need to have your physiological and safety needs met before you can aspire to self-esteem and self-actualization.

Have you ever wished there was a place you could go and live on a commune where you didn't have to worry about earning a living and you could just live a peaceful, quiet existence? I actually searched the Internet, trying to find something like that but no luck. It seems they've become antiquated in the U.S.

if my house was big enough, you both could come here. this is the most wonderful small town to live in. there's a lot of work here. and Austin is only 25 minutes away. but i have a one bedroom, teeneensy home. and three dogs and three cats......... i could do a commune......especially if you'd do the sweatlodge with me and howl at the moon.

There is a religious community in the Napa Valley where I might like to live. It is not free, and there isn't much work around there. I have thought about moving there every day for the past 3 years, since I went there on retreat twice in 2003 after a bunch of bad things hit me all at once.

You are so right, Benjamin, about this completely being about Maslow's hierarchy. I teach about Maslow in my classes, so I am very familiar with it.

You might try the search terms "cohousing" and "shared housing." New ideas are emerging, but it is always going to take some money to buy into any of these plans.

I would be much better off financially if I could find a compatible roommate or roommates. I am going to start selling off more furniture and more junk, so that if I have to sell this apartment, I will be ready.

guys, Austin is roommate capitol of the world!!! everyone that i know has a roommate! when the people move, the bad dog people, that house would be idea for roomies.

you can go on craigslist and find every sort of "roomie" deal in the world in Austin.

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fayerody said:
guys, Austin is roommate capitol of the world!!! everyone that i know has a roommate! when the people move, the bad dog people, that house would be idea for roomies.

you can go on craigslist and find every sort of "roomie" deal in the world in Austin.

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AHHH!!! Roommates!!! I'd rather be eaten alive by fire-ants!

No, I was thinking that it would be cool to live on a farm commune, but I'm now earning a few dollars working from home so I don't have the pressure of how I'm going to pay the bills any more.

There's all kinds of roommate situations . . .some can become like having a family.

In what ways do you think living in a commune would be different than having roommates? Wouldn't it be like having a whole lot of roommates?

i think that a roommate situation could, indeed, be like living in a commune. the people that i've met around here all pitch in on the work and hang out together. do yard work together, etc. they just aren't on a farm, but they seem to handle it really well.

Austin seems like that kinda place.

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Wants2Fly said:
There's all kinds of roommate situations . . .some can become like having a family.

In what ways do you think living in a commune would be different than having roommates? Wouldn't it be like having a whole lot of roommates?

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Maybe I'm thinking of a kind of an idealized version of what it would be like -- working the fields, riding horses, fishing, sitting around a fire in the evenings playing music, skinny-dipping... Just life without worrying about money or keeping a roof over your head and more time for creative endeavors.