Im so tired of being so insecure but i dont know how to fix this....

I have always been insecure about everything about myself. I know it has affected every aspect of my life. I feel i need constant validation and then when i do get it i dont believe because all i see are negative about myself. And i have tried finding positive things about myself but i just see the failures and all the negatives and im never good enough. I dont know if i need couseling or a psychiatrist or how to feel good about myself. My friends and my husband deserve better and i want to be better for myself and for them. Ive been thinking about couseling but i just dont see how talking to someone will change anything. I tell myself i shouldnt be this way but it doesnt change what i see n the mirror or all the things ive failed at. I really want to change i just dont know how......l

Hello, and to Psych Central!

Sorry that you've had to wait so long to get a response on your post, but this particular forum is a little slow. I *think* that it may be depressing to others to deal with people like you and myself. We're kind of at the bottom of the barrel in our minds. Everyone else is better at pretty much everything, right?

At least, that's how we tend to view life. The challenge (for us) is to learn how to appreciate the little things that we can do. From there, I presume that we learn to appreciate more. That sounds logical to me, anyway!

I do think that seeing a therapist would be helpful for you. Preferably one who has some knowledge of DBT, CBT, as well as a general humanistic approach. That is my personal preference, as I've had different types of experiences, so I like a wide range of understanding. I also think that getting into a group DBT class could be very helpful to you as well.

It has taken me a very long time of therapy, soul searching, and different life experiences to get me to finally see myself as being a little better than the bottom feeders. And I can't really say that I like myself. But, somehow, I'm finally a little better in my eyes. I deserve a little better. It may sound like a tiny thing to most people in this world. But, to people like us, that's a HUGE jump!

Yes, I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I was there for 40 years myself. Such a l-o-n-g time, I know, but that shows that it's never too late to feel a little better about yourself. It can happen! But, I really think that all of the work in DBT and private therapy is what's finally given me a much-needed boost in self-esteem.

Very best wishes to you, honey. Take care of yourself.