Lack of self-esteem and relationships...

my online rule is : what you see, is what you don't get"........

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fayerody said:
you will LOVE this one.......

i met a man recently and he has been married three times. he went on and on about women...women, this....women, that.......blah, blah, blah......everything wrong in the world.......etc. etc......

so when he said "why do women make such poor choices?"....i said, "why don't you ask the three that married you?".......

and you know what, he never did get around to asking me out to dinner.......





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wow you are AMAZNG.

I am presently corresponding with a nice gentleman online but that is what I am most comfortable with right now. Kind of like having an e-pal or what used to be a penpal.

We correspond about everything from parenting to politics to economic issues. I am enjoying this but I don't think it will go much further at this time and this is the pace I am enjoying most.

He still has his life and I still have mine.

my wit........i've developed it over the years as i've been out and about and mostly it's about me. i can literally laugh so hard about myself that i cry......

here's another one........some friends in Ardmore, Oklahoma asked me if they could give this guy my e.mail address when i was on the ranch with Colleen. they said he was totally all right....

they said he had a profile on Match.com. i looked at it and he said he was 53 and the photo reflected that. so he wrote to me and we e.mailed for a few months and then he called me. i thought he sounded a bit older than 53, but decided not to be too cynical.

my daughter flew to London and since I was going to be in Dallas, he wanted to meet me and take me to dinner.........so, i dressed accordingly........

he drove up in a car that was almost held together with baling wire. THEN he got out.......he was a good 75 years old. had on khaki shorts, print shirt, hanging out and sandals.

i said i'll just drive myself to the restaurant as i will need to go back to the ranch asap.

we met at a very nice restaurant. we were seated. he started his life story in 1969. seems he ran marijuana from Mexico.

there was an elderly couple at the table next to us.......they had dyed bright red hair....in their 80s. they were leaning towards him as they appeared to be fascinated by his tall tales. i wasn't.

pretty soon i started wondering if i could slip my throat with my truck keys...................

four hours of it!! i couldn't excuse myself and go to the restroom and leave.....i'd have to walk right back by the table. in retrospect, he might not have noticed me.....he was so into himself.

"what you don't see, is what you get".....

Patty, i know i've joked about this but there is a serious thread running through the funny stuff. i think this shows why we do have self-esteem issues concerning relationships. it's a mess out there.........

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fayerody said:

"what you don't see, is what you get".....

Patty, i know i've joked about this but there is a serious thread running through the funny stuff. i think this shows why we do have self-esteem issues concerning relationships. it's a mess out there.........

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ho yes it is a mess. Fayerody. it %#@&#! is.

LOL, I love Pat and her wit! Priceless!

Wants, I too am more comfortable at this time having an
"e-pal," and would look forward to intelligent correspondence. I had been offered several art teaching jobs in Alaska, having posted my application on the Alaska Teacher Placement. Wanting to know more about the area, I joined Alaska friends online, and actually posted my profile on there, stating clearly that I just wanted to meet people there and learn about living conditions, various areas, etc.
I heard from two men, one a widower my age, who had recently moved from the southern US and had a great job as state archivist. We corresponded for several weeks, but then i started receiving mass emailings to 20 or so women, of which I was included. I stopped answering him, needless to say.
Then on the same site, a man stating his age as "80" contacted me, though he lives in AZ, not AK! He was coming to Ohio "on business" and wanted to set up a person-to-person meeting. He actually bombarded me with emails and I started deleting them.
Yeah, it would be nice to meet a male online who wanted to correspond and get to know one another without getting right to it, or who sincerely wanted to get to know me one-on-one (without sending out mass mailings!)
Gotta go...company for now!
Love
Patty

Um, that was Ingridave with the e-pal, not me.

Your experiences are a cautionary, Patty, that make me even more reluctant than I already am to engage with this form of meeting people.

On the other hand, my first experience was really good, so perhaps I will have a good instinct if I ever see another ad that I want to follow up on.

I have a bunch of email addresses that I use for junk mail . . . and I can terminate any one of them without looking back. I have one email address set up as the reference for personals, nothing connected to my real identity. Once a month or so, I scan the listings. That's about it.

Oh...okay...sorry for the mistake, Wants!
I know we women can still meet men, if we want to extend ourselves. Dating seems like so much WORK to me right now! More than anything, I guess I've just become lazy and too cozy in my solo comfort! I've allowed men to worry me too much in the past, and it's just nice to be worry-free!
Patty

Amen to that Patty.

Patty, that is teh way I feel also. Maybe it comes with age. I am comfortable as I am doing as I want to do.

I do fear that I might still be carrying old emotions since my marriage broke up in 1995. I was definitely relieved when the ball finally dropped. We both knew it was a dying marriage. I tried everything to save it but he was the one to ask for the separation. I was actually relieved. However, since then, he has been a total jerk regarding the children. He has lied to them and accused me of awful things that the kids found out was his own doing. He was caught in his own lies.

I was not angry about the divorce, I was angry at his irresponsibility and the courts' laziness in collecting child support from him. He got away with it after the courts gave me the talk about not tolerating deadbeat dads and they didn't do a thing for me. Since then, I have felt vengeance toward him for how easy he gets away from responsibility.

I need to bury this vengeance and resentment. I am becoming childish like my ex. I can't keep this hate going or it will kill me and any faith in any men. I think I am reinforcing my own cynicism.

Ingrid

Ingrid...did you ever collect the child support? or was it left unpaid? I ask because I was involved with a man whose children were grown, and yet the State of Indiana came after him, garnisheeing his wages for back child support! The IRS also came after him, and he quickly disappeared when I began to question him!
Patty

Yes, eventually, they did approach him after five years without. He is paying now but he has moved to Sweden, so I don't know if the Canadian courts can go after him to collect if he decides to stop again. The last time, he was in the military and the defense department was automatically garnishing the child support from his wages. So, he left the military and I did not get a cent from him for five years. Now, we only found out by mistake that he moved to Sweden with a Swedish woman he was dating and he never even told his kids that he was leaving. Now, the oldest, who is 17, decided he doesn't want to call him Dad anymore. His father's idea of communication is email once every couple of years and he had the nerve to ask the son to call him Dad!!!

I have to stop because I get too emotional about him still and that is what bothers me. I should have been able to confidently snub him and be happy he didn't stick around. But, everytime he upsets the boys, I get upset again like it was yesterday. I have to conquer this hate.

Lori

Oh...that clarifies it...his moving to Sweden...
I can see how upsetting this would be for you, and how uncertain it is for the future child support. Also, how hurtful it is for your boys! No wonder it is upsetting to you to describe it.
I think you are a very strong and smart woman, btw, and how you have managed being a single parent!
Love
Patty

Thank you, Patty. It has been challenging but the biggest reason I have made it where I am now, is because of family and a friend in the US who happened to be there at a time we most needed help. This man got us out of welfare, got me into University , and bought us the home we are now selling. He was very generous, but, it came with an emotional price. Much of western society is driven by consumerism. That is our culture. This man fit the cultural identity to a Tee. He knew he had money and I was a woman in need. Once he helped me and my boys, he had expectations tied to it. He didn't like an independent woman. He needs to be needed. When I began to show signs of financial independence, he began to manipulate me. So....while I am grateful to him for giving me the opportunities he did, I had to end the relationship on an unfortunate note. Now, I am almost finished my University and have this home up for sale. I am ready to start anew, but, where I go from here regarding men.....I don't know.

Lori

Education has always been the key to building my own healing and self-confidence after an emotional catastrophe, as I have been doing for the past three years after the last one! I commend you on doing the same, and I give you a big hug and proud pat on the back for concentrating on your education! I find this is much better than seeking the company of another questionable man!
Love
Patty

What is your educational background on? Mine is Sociology and Cultural Studies.