Failed relationships = low self esteem

I know this is unhealthy, but for the past 5 months, every morning (and throughout the day) I wake thinking of all of my failed relationships, from age 7 to now (22). I obsess over them, looking at what they did, and what I did. I used to hate them for all that happened, but now I don't blame them, maybe me being me is reason enough for someone to treat me badly or not like me, I don't know. Is anyone else having or had this problem. It is killing me and I can't stop thinking about how awful it must have been for those people to have met me. This a little bit of rant, sorry, but really, how have you all gotten threw this feeling???????



P.S. I have a T, but I still have these thougths.

(((((((((((((4ever)))))))))))))))))

oh my sweetie. I'm so sorry that you have had so many disappointing relationships. I know it hurts bad to think that so many people could hurt you. But realize this is not your fault!

I have felt like that often, but therapy has helped me so much. I hope that you think about talking to someone. It really helps to talk through the painful moments in life with an objective person who can help you heal. HUGSSSSSSSS

PM me if ever you need anything

i'm so sorry that you've been hurt and are still feeling that way now. if you can, make an appointment with a therapist so that you can have some help working through your thought process. and yes, i still think about the failed relationships...but, i'm getting a better grip on it as time goes by. pat

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{4ever}}}}}}}}}}}}}} No doubt you've heard that any healthy relationship is a two-way street. Another one that I don't particularly like because I have to accept responsibility, also, is "It takes two to tango" or "There's two sides to every story." Cliches, yes, but there's truth in them. Your failed relationships weren't all your fault so don't take full responsibility for the failure.

Something I learned while in therapy is that we attract people that have some of the same disfunctions that our family of origin had. That is what we know, and that system, with all it's faults is what we think is right.

For instance, I grew up in a very controlling environment and I translated that as "love." My first husband was even more controlling and abusive than my family of origin was. I learned that control is NOT love; it's abuse. My second husband has given me total freedom and I translated that into indifference. His "indifference" has become abusive at times because all the responsibility, including his, is dumped on me; opposite ends of the spectrum, you see.

Think about it. I'm sure you'll start to see that it wasn't ALL your fault.

being alone is tough.

I agree with Sept about attracting certain ppl, but I also think that it's because we KNOW how to respond to them (not only/necessarily that we think it's what is right.) ...Maybe not even know how to respond, but because it isn't such an unknown behavior? The unknown can be fearful.

Not all your fault. I'm sorry you are so depressed. Take a few more minutes to think about it, then put it aside, get up and move on! You are wiser now, and will make better choices!

Hi 4ever,

I've been there and got the tshirt for this one.

The thing I notice in your post is that you have found yourself obsessing and that it happens immediately on waking. When I was in that position (and it was horrible) I had to work to get myself out of the story and into the present moment.

The fact is that you are obsessing in the present moment. In a way it doesn't matter what your story is, it could be anything, what matters is that you are obsessing or what I call 'looping' in the present.

There are plenty of people who have had bad relationships, and have hurt a load of people maybe, and they are not looping over it. IMHO the illness makes your story into a nightmare and then beats you with it. It is the illness that is doing this, it is the depression talking. Once we are aware of what's happening we can start to change it.

It doesn't matter how bad your story is, if you could stop looping tomorrow and go out into the world with a clean slate and a mind at peace, good things would happen. It's hard to believe, I know this, but it really is true.

4ever, it was a slow process for me, and I spent years in this kind of desert, but you can get through it and make something good. It really is never too late.

Good (non looping) thoughts to you.

Myzen