[ladyrevan21]

Honestly, for as long as I can remember, I've been pretty shaky in the self-esteem department. I remember as a kid, I used to apologize even when I didn't need to (and I still have that habit; it's something that one of my therapists -- a group therapist, to be more precise -- is trying to break me out of), I was diagnosed by a psychologist as being a people-pleaser, and I always felt different. I had a learning disability when I was a kid that made it hard to concentrate and stay focused, and I still kind of struggle with that now. And I also occasionally have problems trusting my own opinions, my own judgment, and I tend to beat myself up a lot -- thinking I'm a bad person, things like that.

Maybe it's time to change that, though. And hopefully I can find a way to fix it, because I know I'm tired of falling into the same patterns over and over again.

[SearchingforMe]

Originally Posted by ladyrevan21

Honestly, for as long as I can remember, I've been pretty shaky in the self-esteem department. I remember as a kid, I used to apologize even when I didn't need to (and I still have that habit; it's something that one of my therapists -- a group therapist, to be more precise -- is trying to break me out of), I was diagnosed by a psychologist as being a people-pleaser, and I always felt different. I had a learning disability when I was a kid that made it hard to concentrate and stay focused, and I still kind of struggle with that now. And I also occasionally have problems trusting my own opinions, my own judgment, and I tend to beat myself up a lot -- thinking I'm a bad person, things like that.

Maybe it's time to change that, though. And hopefully I can find a way to fix it, because I know I'm tired of falling into the same patterns over and over again.

Dear ladyrevan, I have struggled too. I am a people pleaser, and I was married to a verbal abuser. But when I was a kid I remember when I was confident, my mother was disapproving, and she was always putting herself down, too. She didn't like me being too confident. When I was a teenager I went back and forth between confidence and low self esteem. I think part of it is depression. I apologize all the time. People get annoyed with me for it. But it is such a habit, it is hard to break. I hope you are able to make progress on this, it is great that you are in group therapy! I have read that positive self talk is one way to stop your negative self talk. I have struggled with trusting my own opinions etc.....but I am getting better at it. You sound reasonably intelligent. I bet you can think of some times that your decisions and opinions turned out pretty well or accurate. Having positive support, whether it is from friends or therapists is a good first step.

[ladyrevan21]

Thank you so much. That's just horrible about your mother, and the person you were married to.

And yeah, I'm currently in group therapy. It's kind of helped me in regards to social skills, coping with certain stuff, things like that. And having people who support me has definitely helped. I've definitely had moments when my feelings on things turned out to be right. I think I need to trust myself more. And not beat myself up over certain mistakes I make. It's definitely hard (I've had that since I was a kid, I think) And I've also been trying to give myself some positive self-talk, which has helped. It's going to be an uphill battle, but it's helping, I think.

[barbella]

I'm glad to hear you are in group therapy and that it is helping. I am not strong in the self esteem department either. I think it is possible to learn to be kind to yourself, to have self compassion. That's what I have been working on with my therapist and I think it could lead to improved self esteem.

[ladyrevan21]

Thanks.

Out of curiosity, what is self-compassion? I've kind of heard the word before, but I am curious as to what it means.

[nicoleflynn]

Originally Posted by ladyrevan21

Thanks.

Out of curiosity, what is self-compassion? I've kind of heard the word before, but I am curious as to what it means.

Means compassion for yourself.

[barbella]

Yes, being able to be kind to yourself and to forgive yourself. It is often something we can do for others but it can be hard to do it for yourself. There is a professor named Kristin Neff who has done a lot of work on it.

[ladyrevan21]

That situation you described seems to describe me a bit too well. So maybe I should put more of that into practice. And look up Neff's work.