Friends

Friends do not judge.

Be a friend!

I'm learning to be a friend!

No one is too old to learn.

Well, if friends are important to you that's fine.

I judge!

Yes me too sometimes

And I'm usually right

You have to use your judgement so that you don't get hurt.

Friends do not judge. On the other hand, discernment is important. And what's a friend to do if a friend sees us doing things that a harmful -- such as driving a car drunk? Using drugs? Is saying, "You're drunk" or "You're an addict" judgement?

I think there has to be a balance. We shouldn't be a dumping ground for others' ill-thought opinions, but a friendship should be strong enough for a friend to be able to speak his or her truth without being judged by me.

Thanks Wants2, good post!!
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I work with the word "critical." My T said I was "kind but critical." I think criticism and judgment and discernment are all similar and all important. Solomon was a Judge and we certainly wouldn't badmouth him :-) even though he suggested the mothers should split the baby.

I guess "intent" has a lot to do with it all. I can be critical of my choices or make a critical choice so things don't go wrong but people are not "things" and I don't think should be treated as if they are. They can't be lumped into all-or-nothing categories or "organized" according to how we would like things to be. They're not all bad or always hurtful and it is rarely a good idea to cut people out of our lives as they are in our lives somehow and what we are cutting is part of our life! We do violence to ourselves when we slash and burn other people, even when we're reacting to what we think they are doing to us.

I'm glad you think so, Fuzzybear. I am challenged by the whole idea of friendship.

I do not have many friendships, and the few that I treasured for 20-30 years are in transformation. One person I decided was not honoring my boundaries; one person cut me off with no explanation or chance to make amends; a third and I now have a "pause" in the relationship for complicated reasons that I do not fully understand.

I don't seem to be building new relationships. Apparently, I don't know how to build relationships, how to establish my boundaries, or how to live up to other's expectations of what they want in a friend.

I feel inadequate and deeply flawed in the friendship category.

My post was mostly thinking outloud and looking for feedback and other's ideas. Good thread, Fuzzybear. So glad you started it.

Thanks Perna!!!!

Thanks wants2. I think more people are challenged by being a friend than we might think. We're trying to sort through it though. Sorry this is so short, I just don't feel comfortable sharing. In "public." Maybe one day I will overcome my "paranoia"... At least I can see it for what it is and don't always blame "them" whoever they may be. That's a road to freakin nowhere. Our abusers are in the past, for most of us. If not then I hope as rational competent adults, people find the strength to go away from the abuse and protect themselves if they aren't able to physically remove themselves completely. Like I have had to do many times, particularly from family. Sorry for the offtopic post. Not feeling great today. It sure isn't easy to do any of this.

Don't know what to say, just want to hug you.

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Thanks pegasus!

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